Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[Devons Daddy]

I work in a private club. not a member you cant come in, unless your a friend and with the member,

standing on the board walk, chinese new year,place is fully booked, person in front of me demanding to be given a table,
his finest use of words

I AM A MEMBER YOU KNOW!

see first sentance to truly understand how stupid this statement is!

[House of Usher]

I hate places like that. 

[Goatilocks]

I bought myself a bathrobe yesterday in our local supermarket. I was wearing my hoody, and was wondering should I go for large or extra large.

"Try it on," said the peroxide blonde shelf packer.

"I'll take my top off," I suggested.

"Just your hoody," she replies, seriously believing I was going to take my tshirt off as well ...

[House of Usher]

"Just your hoody," she replies, seriously believing I was going to take my tshirt off as well ...

F***ing moron. I hope she remembers to breathe!

[HdE]

I sometimes think the assistants in clothes shops are among the thickest creatures on the planet.

An assistant in a shoe shop once asked me if I needed assistance. I pointed out a display shoe that had caught my eye and asked 'Could I buy a pair in size 9, please?'

'of course,' she replied, adding 'We don't sell shoes individually'

I'm eternally grateful to her for clarifying that. I'd been so confused all the other times I'd asked to buy a shoe and found an IDENTICAL ONE FOR THE OTHER FOOT WAS IN THE BOX! 

[Mike Gloady]

What?  NO!

Someone should be told!  What can be done?

[Mikey]

I need to word this one carefully; I live in a small country full of angry people. I'm paraphrasing, but the response it accurate.

Me:'No, you couldn't dig up that hill. It's a protected area, especially that hill.'

Person 'So, if I drove up that steep slope and the tractor went over and I died, it would be murder.'

Me: 

M.

[pauljholden]

"Just your hoody," she replies, seriously believing I was going to take my tshirt off as well ...

F***ing moron. I hope she remembers to breathe!

Yeah, I think you're forgetting that she MAY have already had a customer who did disrobe ...

I remember reading a work contract with the usual vague things about what you should/shouldn't do and one clause was so specific I asked why (it was to do with personal hygiene) and was told that, yeah, it had been an issue before...

-pj
ps not saying she's not thick, but ... you know... some of her customers may have been thicker...

[HdE]

What?  NO!

Someone should be told!  What can be done?

I know. Shocking state of affairs. We shoul dbe able to walk into a shoe shop and mix and match, no?

[I, Cosh]

It's the one-legged cunts I feel sorry for.

[The Doctor Alt 8]

Damn, can't find the clip I wanted on YouTube....

[Mike Gloady]

Please tell me it's not directly related to the exact wording of Cosh's last post?!

[SuperSurfer]

Not to me, but a receptionist – oh, I mean 'office manager' – where a mate once worked thinks that the popular frothy coffee drink is called a "cuppa chino."

I worked in a company where we commissioned an illustration which had to be all multicultural, so it had black people, oriental people, asians, person in wheelchair etc. This was shown to another client who commented: "yes, but you haven't got any people with glasses."

[Dandontdare]

Damn, can't find the clip I wanted on YouTube....

Was it the Not the Nine O'clock News sketch in which a bunch of one-legged shoplifters clean out the display racks in front of a shoe shop?

[Tweak72]

Customer: "Why was I not informed that my application form was lost in the post??"