Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[HdE]

Priced a new job today, and the client said 'Yeah, sure. We'll have you if you can do it for less than twenty quid.'

So I looked the work over, and said 'I reckon it'll come in at about eighteen'.

The client said 'So, can you do it for less than twenty then?'

I dunno if he was stupid or just deaf.

[exilewood]

Someone just said to me - "what's that Hitchcock film called, with all the birds in it?" Classic.

[Rog69]

Just got off the phone with a customer -

Customer - One of our machines is down, the PC has gotten corrupt (ie we didn't shut it down properly yet again), I burned the disk image you made to a DVD but I can't get the PC to read it.

Me - That's because the PC only has a CD drive, it won't read DVD's. I'll be with you by lunch time anyway and I can sort it out for you then.

Customer - OK, I'll keep trying the DVD until you get here then .

[TordelBack]

The client said 'So, can you do it for less than twenty then?'

I'm having a barney with a client currently, who claims my original quotation was 'confusing' (it wasn't, unless multiplication is confusing - it was an hourly rate and a maximum number of hours), and thus doesn't want to pay me the full amount (despite being charged less than the estimate because we finished well within the budgeted time).  

He asked for a reduction to enable 'immediate payment', and as we need the money urgently, I agreed to knock off a random sum.  He came back and said that he wasn't happy with the hourly rate (which he had agreed to in writing).  I asked what would he be happy with, and he named a new lower hourly rate. A quick mental sum suggested that multiplying this by the number of hours would mean knocking off less than half the reduction I'd already offered him.  

I cheerily agreed, and he said "there now, doesn't hurt to be reasonable, does it?".  It really doesn't, you prat.  This innumerate wally is a senior architect, BTW.  Maybe their Institute's CPD programme should offer Remedial Maths.

[Mikey]

I had forgotten this one...

In pub, about the time of the Hale-Bopp comet appearance in our skies, I innocently asked the landlord if he'd had a chance to see it this fine evening. His reply;

"Comets? I don't believe in any of that shite."

M.

[Mike Carroll]

Reading about over-eager store-staff experiences reminded me of this:

I called in to Game (Liffey Valley, Dublin) just before Christmas. Went straight to the tiny mid-floor display of PC games because I don't have a PlayStation, X-Box,  Wii or a Puu or any of that stuff, and as I was browsing a a member of staff zoomed up to me.

"Is there anything I can help you with today?" she asked.

"No, I'm just browsing, thanks," I said as I moved away to check out the other side of the display.

So I reached the other side of the display - it's not far, maybe two metres - and within seconds the same assistant appeared beside me. "Is there anything I can help you with today?"

"Er, nothing's come to mind since you asked me when I was standing over there just now."

It's not that she said anything particularly stupid, just that it was clear she'd instantly dismissed me as soon as she realised I didn't want help. I didn't even make an impression in her short-term memory... Quite a blow to the ego, that was!

[GordonR]

Someone just said to me - "what's that Hitchcock film called, with all the birds in it?" Classic.

Not necessarily that stupid.  There's a major birds thing going on in Psycho.

http://blogs.setonhill.edu/SweaNightingale/2009/09/the_relevance_of_birds_in_psyc.html

I'll also point out the name of the character in it played by Janet Leigh.....Marion Crane.

- some ponce with a Film Studies degree

[SmallBlueThing]

Im not so bothered about over eager staff, it's the opposite i find infuriating, as anyone who's ever played a fun game of 'chase the staff member' in a Boots, Morrisons, HMV or Tescos will attest. They may as well just play the benny hill theme over the instore speakers and have done with it.
SBT

[House of Usher]

A lot of shops have a contradictory policy regarding customer service. On the one hand there are penalties that can lead up to disciplinary proceedings if you don't greet every customer who comes within hearing range and ask them how you may serve them. On the other hand employees can get admonished for spending too much time with the customers when they should be tidying up, refilling shelves, doing price checks and rearranging the shop fittings.

[House of Usher]

Someone just said to me - "what's that Hitchcock film called, with all the birds in it?" Classic.

Maybe he's played House of the Dead: Overkill and didn't get the joke, so now he needs to know what the film was called in order to understand why the joke was(n't) funny.

[EddieHitler]

Usually any thing I have said to myself whilst looking in the mirror or whilst talking to myself on the tube.  

[TordelBack]

Usually any thing I have said to myself whilst looking in the mirror or whilst talking to myself on the tube.  

I tend to say very sensible things to myself.  Unfortunately I never listen.

[Hoagy]

Its the only intelligent conversation I can get. From myself.

[JOE SOAP]

It's not that she said anything particularly stupid, just that it was clear she'd instantly dismissed me as soon as she realised I didn't want help. I didn't even make an impression in her short-term memory... Quite a blow to the ego, that was!

Use it Mike, get even and put it in the next Dredd one-shot.

[Tiplodocus]

My big fat gypsy wedding......"I'm not dumb i just can't read" 

To be fair, while there were many prehistoric attitudes on display in the program, and definitely one or two guyswho were several clothes pegs short of a basket, at least two of the girls being interviewed were not actually stupid, just un-educated. There is a big difference.