Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[Roger Godpleton]

Jim, can you do the sound on my computer.

[Davek]

Something I said to a shop assistant when giving my girlfriends number to arrange delivery for something:

'I'll give you my girlfriend's number, she's available anytime'

[Dandontdare]

not actually said to or by me, but porky bell-end lookalike Greg Wallace said "true dat" without a hint of irony when talking to ferret-faced food-botherer John Torrode on Masterchef this week.

Twat.

[ICONIC_TM]

porky bell-end Twat ferret-faced food-botherer!

Nice Word Use 

[Spaceghost]

When I was waiting at the bus stop last week after work in the cold, a car of young guys shot past, and one shouted

"BUS BANKER!*"

Kinda stupid, annoying and (I'll admit) amusing. I suspect he'd been watching The Inbetweeners.

*The word wasn't actually 'banker' but there are some swear words I won't repeat.

It's ok to say it now, it's been on Countdown - http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/01/19/countdown-wanker-blooper-video_n_1215326.html?ref=uk

[Gonk]

...."You can't cheat the system...." some nameless jobsworth at the Inland Revenue told me after investigating my income tax contributions.

Well I wish someone would tell Fred "the shred" Godwin that. That guy is a total banker. Or do I mean wonker?  No, I got it now : a total  ####  is what I meant to say.

[ICONIC_TM]

I heard this one a few years back,

Seeing as your so full of shite, You should get a job on a help desk. 

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

You could start a new thread exclusively about Stupid Things Sports Pundits Have Actually Said on TV.

Mick McCarthy produced a peach during a recent cup tie. 0-0 at half time, Mick McCarthy is aske; if you were the manager, what would you be telling your team in the dressing room?

Mick McCarthy replies (in his authoritive Yorkshireman accent):

'Just keep playing Football'

This man has been allowed to manage both multimillionaire and international clubs.

[Dandontdare]

Mick McCarthy replies (in his authoritive Yorkshireman accent):

Is this person real?

[Gonk]

We're in this together.

[staticgirl]

This afternoon whilst watching the rugby:

Pundit A: What does Scotland have to do to win this game?

Thinks I: Score more points?

[Trout]

This afternoon whilst watching the rugby:

Pundit A: What does Scotland have to do to win this game?

Thinks I: Score more points?

Also: not be shit.

[Tiplodocus]

I'm dressed as George Harrison in Segeant Pepper outfit (though it did also look uncannilly like Colonel Gaddafi) and someone asks: "here did you get your Doctor Pepper outfit?"

On my own stupidity:
I only just realised that the great jazz trumpeter and the all round radio broadcasting wit Humphrey Littleton were actually the same bloke. Doh.

[Proudhuff]

Stupid Boy!

[Judo]

I was talking about that one thing a good looking perspective partner says that makes them instantly not the elusive 'One'.

Me - when asked a guy what his favourite film ever was he said Saw V. Like SRSLY its not even the best *saw* never mind the best film. Also when asked what he does when not exercising he said 'whatver'. Whatever isn't a hobby.

A couple friends noted there's as 'belfasts in scotland' and 'protestanism came before catholosism'. Dont dick stupid or whatever corresponding phrase you wish to use x