Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[Tombo]

I've not had it myself yet, but apparently for the last two days the customer service desk at work has been overrun by people coming in and complaining their TV's have stopped working, only to be asked "have you re-tuned your Freeview yet" (We're in the Tyne-Tees region, one of the last to switch over).

The most common reply has "oh, is that THIS week" (and one bloke gave us "Oh is that THIS year").  I mean it's not like it's been advertised much!

[staticgirl]

There's always some.

[The Sherman Kid]

On a quiz show today-

Q Name an element from the periodic table

A Unobtainium    priceless

[klute]

I once had the misfortune of doing a favour for a lady down the street were i used to live in my teen's as her own teen son was a useless rogue

Anyway at some point he'd tried latching onto me walking to the the shops when he said.

"I bet you feel like a gangster walking with me"

I replied "Mate you run around in the middle of the night robbing people's homes in their sleep"

Hardly brave or honest work now do me a favour and fuck off.

Not long after he was back in prison probably to enjoy manly hugs in the showers

[The Sherman Kid]

TRUE STORY

Went into the Halifax Bank and took five plastic money bags of coins all correctly counted to pay into my account ,only £22 in total.Having quequed I placed them on the counter.

'Are they all correctly counted', she asked already seemingly annoyed
'Yes'
'Sorry be we can only take four bags at a time', she said
'What?'
'Four bags only'
'So if I gave you 3 now queued again and gave you 2 ,that would be okay?
'Erm.. yes sir'
'What if I took them all out of their bags, got rid of the bags, after all they are legal tender'
'Well ....',
'Even better, what if I took them out of the bags and put them into the one big bag here I have, thus not breaking the five bag rule.Everyones happy?'
Tumbleweed.
'I'll just pay these into your account now ,sir'

One tiny victory in this maddening world we live in

[HdE]

From a family member I won't name:

"You don't mind me making a bit of noise in here while you're writing your script, do you?"

YES I BLOODY DO! NOW F*CK OFF!

[shaolin_monkey]

A couple of classics from work:

'there's a warehouse in Bristol - have you heard of it?'

'What can you get for a pound in Poundland?'

'That's the first sausage I've had in my mouth for years.'

[The Enigmatic Dr X]

Not so much stupid as inadvertantly deeply insulting:

Office colleague (a nice (well ex-nice) lady in her late 50s): Can I borrow your tie?

Me: Eh?

Her: I spent a few hours going 'round all the charity shops at the weekend looking for one just like it.

Me: Um...

Her: Only, you see, my son is going to a fancy dress party on Saturday and they've to wear ties like that.

I gave it to her, silent and sad.

[NapalmKev]

A customer picked up a case of a well known 'creamed rice' and then started moaning about the price (was 89p, now £1.05). My response was "yeah, money grabbing bastards". He then gave me a speech about rising prices of Rice trying to make it sound like he knew what he was on about. When he'd finished moaning I pointed to the cases of Custard on the very next pallet (same company, same price increase) and I said-"so what about the custard then? I suppose there's a world shortage of THAT as well"

His stony silence spoke volumes.

Like I said-money grabbing Bastards!

Cheers 

[Richmond Clements]

Overheard earlier when I was having a coffee in the local coffee shop type place: "Can I have a black coffee. With milk. White milk."

Also, form a few days ago, an old couple, who had just walked out of a shop. The man said to the woman (and this is true): "Could you understand what that ni***r was saying?"
Now, I'll cunting swear with the best of them, but that word..? Couldn't believe it.

[JOE SOAP]

It's time you left Mississippi.

[Richmond Clements]

It's time you left Mississippi.

I've been to Mississippi. Bloody loved it there... one day I shall return. Oh yes... one day...

[SmallBlueThing]

Ive had cause to work with more than a few elderly people over the last few weeks, and ive heard that word more times than you'd hope. Usually followed by an "oh, but im not supposed to say that, am i?". And the really awful thing is the ones who use it the most are the ones who in all other respects are the nicest and most lovely of them.

SBT

[SuperSurfer]

Not to me but overheard on bus couple of weeks ago.

Man of Afro-Caribbean origin to white woman: "Are you enjoying the weather? You have a good tan."

Woman: "It's not as good as yours."

[Richmond Clements]

Ive had cause to work with more than a few elderly people over the last few weeks, and ive heard that word more times than you'd hope. Usually followed by an "oh, but im not supposed to say that, am i?". And the really awful thing is the ones who use it the most are the ones who in all other respects are the nicest and most lovely of them.

SBT

Yeah, it really is a generational thing. I blame 'Mind Your Language'.