Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[TordelBack]

Love it! 

A cover-flagged story called 'Mapping Gaelic Genes' in  Ireland of the Welcomes magazine caught my eye and fell within my area of interest, so I had a quick read.  To my horror-slash-delight, I discovered this magical sentence: 

"As I woman, I get all my DNA from my mother".   

'Ah, some stupid sub-editor dropped the 'mt-' from that sentence', thought I, charitably, before realising that that it couldn't be a simple typo, because everyone gets their mtDNA from their mother. Maybe this is too much to expect from what is in all probability the official newsletter of the Darby O'Gill fan club, but this in an article about genetic markers and heritage: no-one forced them to write it.  Clones: it's not just a town in Monaghan.

[JOE SOAP]

I can imagine the rest of the content:

The Magic of Howth: The art of the heroin addict at the end of the line, by Gay Byrne.

The Irish Dracula: Anglo-Irish Bank/Noonan.

Holy Mountain: Knacker drinking and child-abuse on Croagh Patrick.

Tracing Irish Cops: 'Kiddie's Corner' - putting large sheets of see-thru over a Mick from New York.

[The Doctor Alt 8]

At an examiners' meeting....

Me: I'm applying for secondary school teaching jobs.
Teacher: What are you doing now?
Me: I'm a home tutor.
Teacher: Oh! That must be really nice.
Me: It is, but it doesn't pay well. I'd like to earn twice as much as I earn from home tutoring.
Teacher: [incredulous] So why do you want to be a school teacher???
Me: Because if I were a school teacher I'd be earning twice what I earn now.


And she's the school teacher. Your kids' education is in very safe hands. Really.

And people wonder why I say that all school buildings should have the following sign on them...


WARNING! MOST GROSS DANGER ! THIS BUILDING CONTAINS TEACHERS. KEEP AWAY!

[TordelBack]

An Irish news site today reported that Ireland only approves 8% of asylum seeker applications, as opposed to the EU average of 25%, and that when we have only 0.34% of the EU's total new applications for asylum: we granted some form of right to remain to just 140 people last year.  The comments thread contained all the usual I'm-not-a-racist-but suspects, but I was particularly amused by the juxtaposition of these two:

"Percentages mean nothing, we're only a small country!".

and

"It's not the same as Irish illegal immigrants, we're a highly educated country!"

Of course we are, dear.  Of course we are.

[TordelBack]

On the same thread, here comes one of those well-educated people, a 'man' called Niall:

"Ya, wanting to put own people first! us bad."

Can you guess what all-round humanitarian Niall's avatar is?



Wonder what Glycon would have to say about that?  One way trip out behind the chemical sheds, hopefully.

[Professor Bear]

To be fair, I don't think his avatar reflects his political thoughts, it's probably more to do with his liking that superhero film V for Vendetta that was about a English Batman.

[TordelBack]

You're an old softy Bear, I hadn't considered he might have thoughts.

[TordelBack]

Strikes me that it's odds-on Niall identifies himself as Christian too, so that's Alan Moore and Jesus he's misrepresenting: that's a bad brace of enemies, especially if you're afraid of facial hair.

[Professor Bear]

I have found the deliberate use of the nebulous identifier "Christian" - as opposed to the more specific subcatagories thereof - to almost always signify a bad 'un.

[TordelBack]

I was trying to make my contempt an ecumenical matter

[Professor Bear]

Yes.

[Proudhuff]

That would be ecumenical matter

[Frank]

"As I woman, I get all my DNA from my mother".

It's a typo; that's meant to read "as a nematode, I get all my DNA from my mother", and the article's a clever pastiche of Flowers For Algernon. The nematode's one of the four most studied species in the world.

[Sideshow Bob]

Overheard this conversation in Poundland....( where everything costs ....yep £1...)...While standing in the line waiting for a vacant till,  2 days ago....

Young man asks cashier....how much is this ??
Cashier replies....3 items, so that's £3..
Young man says.....But I thought it was everything for a £1..?
Cashier.....Yes, it is, but you have 3 items so that will be £3...
Young man...But it says everything is £1...
Cashier replies.....Yes, but you have 3 items, so that's £3....
Young man....But it says everything for £1.....

At this point, I lost the will to live, and imagined that working there must be like Dante's levels of Hell....

[von Boom]

Overheard this conversation in Poundland....( where everything costs ....yep £1...)...While standing in the line waiting for a vacant till,  2 days ago....

Young man asks cashier....how much is this ??
Cashier replies....3 items, so that's £3..
Young man says.....But I thought it was everything for a £1..?
Cashier.....Yes, it is, but you have 3 items so that will be £3...
Young man...But it says everything is £1...
Cashier replies.....Yes, but you have 3 items, so that's £3....
Young man....But it says everything for £1.....

At this point, I lost the will to live, and imagined that working there must be like Dante's levels of Hell....

This sort of thing makes you question gun restriction laws.