Stupid things people have actually said to you.

[Spikes]

Didn't Goran Ivanisevic go off-court to have a shit, once?

As Paula Radcliffe would no doubt say; When you got to go, you got to go...

[Hawkmumbler]

To be fair, not being a contact sport, tennis has slightly less opportunities for such shenanigans, and "AAAHHH!! I've inadvertently caught myself in a bear trap which someone has carelessly left in the middle of the centre court and seems to have gone completely unnoticed by everyone present until this precise moment!" probably wouldn't cut it.

S'true.

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

As my best chum said one time. "Football, a game for gentlemen. Rugby, a game for the unintelligent . Football, a game played by the Unintelligent . Rugby, a game played by gentlemen."
Actualy, that make'a alot of sense.

The way I heard it was "Football is played by gentlemen and watched by thugs, while Rugby is played by thugs and watched by gentlemen"

Although that doesn't really apply these days, because now football is played by overly-entitled little boys. All that rolling around the ground clutching at themselves and crying out?

A) You look like a sissy
B) If you were REALLY seriously injured, all that carry on is just going to make it worse

[Hawkmumbler]

S'True Pops.

[Theblazeuk]

My housemate said that you need to watch out around wasps, because they'll bite you.

We all laughed, and his brother arrived at the bar. When we told him why we were laughing, he looked at us weirdly and said "Yeah man, they've got those big ****in teeth".

Heh

[Tombo]

My housemate said that you need to watch out around wasps, because they'll bite you.

We all laughed, and his brother arrived at the bar. When we told him why we were laughing, he looked at us weirdly and said "Yeah man, they've got those big ****in teeth".

Heh

I can attest that wasps do indeed bite.  A few summers ago a wasp landed on my hand when I was in the garden, I moved my hand away from my cuppa (on the arm of the garden bench) and clearly saw which end of the wasp inflicted a searing amount of pain onto my finger tip.  The bite was sore for several days.

[von Boom]

My housemate said that you need to watch out around wasps, because they'll bite you.

We all laughed, and his brother arrived at the bar. When we told him why we were laughing, he looked at us weirdly and said "Yeah man, they've got those big ****in teeth".

Heh

I can attest that wasps do indeed bite.  A few summers ago a wasp landed on my hand when I was in the garden, I moved my hand away from my cuppa (on the arm of the garden bench) and clearly saw which end of the wasp inflicted a searing amount of pain onto my finger tip.  The bite was sore for several days.

The the wasp look like any of these?

[SmallBlueThing]

Reading through this thread for wont of something else to do, I am moved to mention that I found someone else this week who had never heard of Christopher Lee- and this woman, in her mid thirties at least, even googled him in front of me, and STILL was none the wiser, claiming not to have ever seen anything he might have been in. The mind, she fucking BOGGLES like a boggling boggley boggler.

But the real reason I was here, was that I got in a taxi today, clutching a bag carrying some shopping and some comics for the kids- and the taxi driver said to me, with a sneer: "A bit old for comics aren't you?".

Anyone who knows me, may well realise that, aside from slagging off my wife, calling my children foul names, criticising our parenting skills or claiming to be anything other than the Leftist of Lefties, there isn't much else guaranteed to piss me off as much as that.

Taxi driver, at the end of our journey (which I suggest may have been slightly more uncomfortable for him than he anticipated) said "I didn't expect that, I was only making a joke, I think it backfired a bit."

I imagine, somewhere on the Internet (at whatfuckergotinmytaxitoday.com?) there is a thread similar to this one, where he posted of this uncomfortable journey, from his point of view. And I don't care.

SBT

[Theblazeuk]

I can attest that wasps do indeed bite.  A few summers ago a wasp landed on my hand when I was in the garden, I moved my hand away from my cuppa (on the arm of the garden bench) and clearly saw which end of the wasp inflicted a searing amount of pain onto my finger tip.  The bite was sore for several days.

Wasps do bite, but only if they think you're something tasty. Which is generally unlikely, tis the sting they use as a defence mechanism as this contains the venom whereas the bite is just a painful injury.

Its not so much that wasps bite as what did my friend's think the big pointy thing at the other end was for

[Dudley]

In appearance, I'm something like a vaguely slimmer Johann Hari.

One of my students recently told me that I "look like Aretha Franklin."

[Ghastly McNasty]

At work talking about the price of shipping things to European destinations, the guy (aged 30) sitting next to me just said "I thought Scandinavia was a country"

[Chris Tresson]

When Bernard Matthews died, a bloke at my work thought we were all taking the piss. He thought Bernard Matthews was a fictional character, used for advertising and therefore incapable of dying. We had to explain to him that he was real (he fought the facts for a good, long while) until he gave in and accepted it.

After he'd had a while to think, he came back and asked if it was the same thing with Captain Birdseye.

We blew his mind.

[shaolin_monkey]

A colleague said recently 'Since watching Stargate I've become much more scientific.'

I can't find an emoticon that sums up my reaction to that statement.

[TordelBack]

A colleague said recently 'Since watching Stargate I've become much more scientific.'

That is beyond brilliant.   

[TordelBack]

Assisted a rather annoying colleague with a small bit of manual surveying today.  I talked him through some basic trig, and we got the whole thing done in jig time.  However, as soon as we were done, rather than saying 'thanks' he felt the need to observe:

"Of course I don't need to to know any of that stuff, what with differential GPS".
"Oh, you have a GPS?".
"No".