Personality profiles.

[Jared Katooie]

As a means of making a favourable impression on your fellow posters I've constructed these personality profiles so you can make witty Rennie-esque remarks and highlight your cunning wit for all the board to see!

NAME:

TITLE:

RESEMBLES:

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT:

ONCE SAW:

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH:

LACKS:

HASN'T GOT:

LIKES:

DISLIKES:

ONCE ATE:

ADDICTED TO:

SECRET SHAME:


Just try and not go off on a major rant and assault everything from Daisies to Zebras...


JK>

[Oddboy]

NAME: Nathan Milner
TITLE: Oddboy
RE-ASSEMBLES: stuff that I've taken apart to see how it works
GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: Marrying Oddgirl
ONCE SAW: Battlefield Earth (Won't do that again!)
HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: not doing exercise
LACKS: Progs 2 (Watcher?), 3, 4, 11-30, 77 & 113
HASN'T GOT: Megazines 2.47, 2.62, 2.72, 3.01-3.59, 3.61-3.63
LIKES: The Flaming Lips
DISLIKES: Mushrooms
ONCE ATE: Blu-tac
ADDICTED TO: breathing
SECRET SHAME: "A secret is something you tell one other person" not share amongst the internet community
DAISIES: Useful for making chains
ZEE BRAS: French lingerie?

[Matt Timson]

NAME: Matt Timson

TITLE: Mr

RESEMBLES: My Dad.  Or any given mammal that has an unusual amount of body hair.

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: Making a living, however meagre it might be, from my work.

ONCE SAW: A UFO.  It was great and I watched it for ages thinking "if only I had a camera", but I thought that if I went home to get one, it would be gone by the time I got back.  I got bored in the end and just went home- thus proving that even the fantastic can easily become boring and mundane.

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: Somebody I used to work with- I really f*cking hate the B*TCH!  DIE !  DIE!!  DIE!!!  Die like the pig-dog you are, woman!!!!  DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

LACKS: A sense of urgency

HASN'T GOT: The time

LIKES: Sleeping

DISLIKES: Getting up

ONCE ATE: Two Christmas dinners in one day so as to not upset anybody.  Was totally unable to move for hours and was farting for days...

ADDICTED TO: Clothes.  I'm a real tw@t when it comes to clothes.  I buy stuff on a whim (on my credit card of course- another problem for later) and then decide I don't like it (after having worn it and filling it with man-stench) and end up never wearing it again.  Don't even get me started on pairs of trainers...

SECRET SHAME: Like I'm going to tell you lot...

[Oddboy]

I've had 2 xmas dinners on Christmas day the last two years running... looking forward to next year when I hope to manage 3.

[Matt Timson]

Yeah- but these were stupidly outsized dinners- especially My Mum's...

One alone could do you some serious damage, I'm telling you.

[Slippery PD]

NAME:  Paul Dunlop
TITLE: Mr, occassionally Dad, my initials are Phd does that make me a doctor?
RESEMBLES: A girl once said I look like christian slater, but I probably look like a dark haired, squat scotsman, with messy hair.
GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT:  Being a dad.  
ONCE SAW:  Twice actually, childbirth of both his kids.....      
HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH:  flirting with memebers of the female variety
LACKS:  motivation, skill or talent
HASN'T GOT:  Money, which annoys my wife no end.
LIKES:  Florida, freesports and my truck.  No its not a monster truck.  
DISLIKES:  Middle management in a corporate enviromnent    
ONCE ATE:  snails in france.  they are like anchovies. Yuck
ADDICTED TO:  Stella and as those who met me a dreddcon will happily tell you, it is detrimental to my behaviour.
SECRET SHAME:  When at uni, I **Cough cough** with a girl in a drunken state, woke up and didnt know her name.  Fortunatley I needed to go to the gents and on the way back, her name was on the door.  What a let off.

[Trout]

NAME: Troutman

TITLE: King, Emperor, Head of State and sundry other grand things.

RESEMBLES: A mutant fish, mostly, as well as a fat Scotsman and, apparently, angry US citizen Michael Moore. Often accused of being Meatloaf.

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: They're all great, but I'm especially proud of finding someone willing to marry me.

ONCE SAW: A lot of pigs constantly doing shits as Princess Anne was forced to watch and "take an interest" in what people were saying. This King does not do Royal visits, happily.

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: This website, comic books and myself.

LACKS: Humility

HASN'T GOT: Any mercy, or The Invisibles Volume 2 Issue 1, if anyone wants to sell me a copy.

LIKES: Steak pie and ruling my undersea kingdom with a rod of iron

DISLIKES: Brussel Sprouts, warm tomatoes in a cooked breakfast and people with bad phone manner

ONCE ATE: The lid of a tube of Smarties. I think it's still in me somewhere.

ADDICTED TO: Cigarettes and complaining

SECRET SHAME: Yesterday I watched Crossroads. Agh! It's out now! I feel so much better.


By the way,

ALL HAIL ME!

[Jared Katooie]

When sunset beach was cancelled I nearly cried, but when they revamped Crossroads I laughed. With unbridled joy.

Poor Rocky...


JK.

[Wils]

NAME: Mark Wilson

TITLE: 'Mr' (people who want money),'Dad' (my daughter) or 'F*cking b*stard' (a term of endearment usually used by my mum)

RESEMBLES: Emo Phillips

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: Fatherhood. The ability to multi-task.

ONCE SAW: A railway suicide

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: Shirley Manson

LACKS: A drawing board

HASN'T GOT: A woman

LIKES: Egg and chips, nice people, Emma Jesson

DISLIKES: Beetroot, people who are always out to compete, Jessica Lange

ONCE ATE: Phlegm

ADDICTED TO: Lambert & Butler Lights

SECRET SHAME: Far too many to list.

[The Enigmatic Dr X]

NAME: The Enigmatic Dr X

TITLE: Nope, still waiting on that knighthood.

RESEMBLES: Homer Simpson. Except not as fat, not bald, wears glasses and not yellow. I have five fingers on my hands too.

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: Finding a wife who understands that talking while I am reading 2000ad will result in being shouted at.

ONCE SAW: My guardian angel (I think - I was profoundly drunk and fell in Suachiehall Street (which all the Glasgow posters will know). A contact lense fell out and I couldn't see. Then a strange bloke appeared before me and handed it to me. Without bending down. When I stood up I was all alone in the street. NB - this was in the days of hard lenses)

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: Farting.

LACKS: Motivation.

HASN'T GOT: Any time for soaps (apart from when that bloke is killing folk on Coronation Street)

LIKES: Faffing on the net when I'm supposed to working.

DISLIKES: Working when I want to faff on the net.

ONCE ATE: A whole watermelon for a bet (and then spent the next day getting rid of it)

ADDICTED TO: Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Seriously. My wife won't buy them anymore (but see above, she's not that bad)

SECRET SHAME: Is actually a lawyer who finds it mildly amusing to sign in as a B movie villain

[Proudhuff]

TITLE: Middenpus McProudhuff

RESEMBLES: Big ugly dour jock

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: ma laddies

ONCE SAW: happiness

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: Ms Peel

LACKS: see previous question

HASN'T GOT: time, time ,time and Tom Waits latest albums.

LIKES: the 6 'S'es
DISLIKES: fecking cars, especially one that park on Pavements, smug gits, sports = Join the 'Just say No to Sport' campaign now!

ONCE ATE: Bells Diner double half pounder, followed by a steak Diane, now veggie!

ADDICTED TO: see 'likes' above

SECRET SHAME: gold Lame slingbacks with white disco belt, Ha! you wish big boy!

[Proudhuff]

TITLE: Middenpus McProudhuff

RESEMBLES: Big ugly dour jock

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: ma laddies

ONCE SAW: happiness

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: Ms Peel

LACKS: see previous question

HASN'T GOT: time, time ,time and Tom Waits latest albums.

LIKES: the 6 'S'es
DISLIKES: fecking cars, especially one that park on Pavements, smug gits, sports = Join the 'Just say No to Sport' campaign now!

ONCE ATE: Bells Diner double half pounder, followed by a steak Diane, now veggie!

ADDICTED TO: see 'likes' above, zee bras avec the petit daisee motif.

SECRET SHAME: gold Lame sling-backs with white disco belt, Ha! you wish big boy!

[judgejampot]

NAME: James[jayjay]morris

TITLE: Master, i suppose

RESEMBLES: Look at the cover of the demonic prog 638

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: I won 1st prize and ?100 in a poetry competition.

ONCE SAW: A UFO

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: 2000ad

LACKS: The strength to quit

HASN'T GOT: A degree

LIKES: Judge Dredd, Wolverine, Boba Fett

DISLIKES: Slaine, The Powerpuff Girls

ONCE ATE: Octopuss Pizza

ADDICTED TO: Sniffing Ginger and Cinnamon

SECRET SHAME: I was a Marvel addict...

Link: Learn my wisdom

[Queen Firey-Bou]

haven't we done this somewhere before?NAME:

TITLE: MS /the empress /"Miss miss !"/ MUUUUMMMM /

RESEMBLES: by day, Naimh crossed with Bob the trucker/ by night, one of the lads with hair & sassiness who could have been durham red 15 years ago. Today? more like Gimli with no beard. apparently thru rose tints I look like a "fit bird"

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT:Raising 3 kids by self, surviving my life, running businesses, defeating railtrack in legal battles, defying homelessness, & joinging Auxiliary fire brigade.

ONCE SAW: ghosts , UFOs, famous people, fairys, overseas places, loads & loads of stuff.

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: This web site. 2000ad, siberian archeology, power tools & driving fast, pets, growing stuff & gardening, the mountains

LACKS: money, self esteem, a rational perspective, a large turbo truck, & aragon on the mantlepiece.

HASN'T GOT: a stress-free lifestyle
 
LIKES: see obbsessions. Rally co-driving, being heroic, being useful, being proactive, laughter & friends.

DISLIKES: the state of the world as we know it. stalking pyschos, alchohlics, being confined, controlled, greed, negativity, dark midwinter months, being wrongly judged/ accused put upon.

ONCE ATE: raw limpet, snails, meat, too many chocolates. not enough. too much.

ADDICTED TO: this site, cups o tea, fresh air & scenery , music, daydreaming.

SECRET SHAME: that i fill in questionaires.

[JamieB]

NAME: Jamie B(oardman)

TITLE: JamieB, droid title TBC

RESEMBLES: Black Books' Bernard Black, but less handsome and more drunk

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: Getting the graphic novels editor job at Rebellion

ONCE SAW: My feet. Many years ago...

HAS AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION WITH: Drink

LACKS: Drink

HASN'T GOT: Enough money to buy Drink

LIKES: Drink. And comics.

DISLIKES: London pub prices, amongst several million other things.

ONCE ATE: Squirrel

ADDICTED TO: Ciggies, Drink

SECRET SHAME: Afraid of spiders