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The Black Dog Thread

Started by Grugz, 02 January, 2016, 09:54:32 PM

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Hawkmumbler

Not entirely certain where I should post this but the domain of the Black Dog feels as good as any.
I've decided to go dry for awhile. Not indefinite teetotalism, but certainly a good long cold turkey. I don't think I'm alone in the last year in drinking more than is probably wise, it was a staple activity of the trapped. But certainly in the last two months, with a lot of things in life causing great deals of stress and anguish, I've found myself hitting the bottle harder than is wise. Often this manifests simply as a 'oh fuck, what a day, pass me a six pack' which is honestly a slippery slope, and I just got tired of waking up with a hangover on a work day. I used to be pretty disciplined in this regard, so the goal is to get back to that mentality before taking another sip. Could be months, could be years. I don't know, but certainly I knew I had to enforce some kind of change.

sheridan

The first step is recognising that you (could) have a problem, so good luck in reducing alcohol intake!

Tjm86

Quote from: Hawkmumbler on 28 June, 2021, 11:07:05 AM
I don't think I'm alone in the last year in drinking more than is probably wise, it was a staple activity of the trapped. But certainly in the last two months, with a lot of things in life causing great deals of stress and anguish, I've found myself hitting the bottle harder than is wise.

Nope, most definitely not.  Like you, I've seen a sharp uptick in 'self-medicating' of late.  Not the best when I consider the dangerous side effects, particularly if I'm heading for the 'spiral'.

So here's a challenge ... how long can we go?  Start the clock today?  First target - get through to next Monday? You up for it?

The Legendary Shark


Black dog bit me hard today. Walking around like nothing matters. Everyone sleepwalking into a monstrous dark future, lost in lies, half-truths and fear. Fear everywhere, leading the world by the nose. Nobody wants to look, nobody wants to listen. Found myself thinking that if today my heart finally did give out and I moved on, wouldn't be a bad thing. Least I'll miss all the horrors in store. Haven't felt so hopeless, so lost, in nearly a decade. Hard to stay focused. Hard not to brood. Do not want to slip back into that darkness I felt before but it's like a flood. Not sure how much longer I can stay afloat. Talking to a couple of trusted people helped a bit. Not much. Got to hang on, though. Got to beat it. Done it before, can do it again. Can do it again. Have to.
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Funt Solo

Sorry to hear you're feeling blue, Shark. You do write very well, I notice. Where I am, we are having a record-breaking heat wave, and my keyboard is getting tacky from all the chem-sprays they use in the building these days. I'm worried about my wife and daughter, who went up river camping a couple of days ago, outside of cell range. I mean - I'm sure they'll be fine, but it doesn't stop me from worrying.
++ A-Z ++  coma ++

Tjm86

Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 28 June, 2021, 05:47:59 PM
Got to hang on, though. Got to beat it. Done it before, can do it again. Can do it again. Have to.

Small point but you're here posting.  That has to be a major step on the road to victory.

Think of it this way, who else is going to keep us in check with heckling over the evils of 'big guvvment' or the joys of contracting 5G when you go for your jab?  [ironically with the conspiracy theory spread being closed down we've got nowhere to debate the admission by various guvvments that actually it might not have been so bash** crazy (excuse the pun) after all!]  You've got to stick around just to be able to say "I told you so" when everything comes crashing down!!!!!!

JayzusB.Christ

I may not always agree with you, Sharky (unless it's about 2000ad), but you're one of the good guys and I'd miss you if you weren't on the board.  Hang on in there, you'll get through this even if it feels like you won't.

I've learned quite a bit about my brain from online CBT.  It's taken me a shit load of time and cost me a fiar but of money but I think, finally, I'm just about starting to find the tools to deal with depression and anxiety.  It's been a lot of hard work though, and continues to be.  It's ridiculous that our own brains can be our worst enemy but there you go.
"Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest"

sheridan

Quote from: Funt Solo on 28 June, 2021, 06:16:37 PM
I'm worried about my wife and daughter, who went up river camping a couple of days ago, outside of cell range. I mean - I'm sure they'll be fine, but it doesn't stop me from worrying.

Nah - you should be worried about the rest of the world.  No film ever started with people going on a trip outside of contact with the outside world had them come back to a civilisation that hadn't fallen!

Jade Falcon

Well it's been a wee while since I posted here and this seems...... petty, but I'm still feeling bad.  While my immediate financial side is sorted I still feel utterly down and lost. I am suffering from extreme sleep problems, and still extreme loneliness.  There's no way past it, I've got models I could build but can't muster the will or energy to do it, ditto with reading or movies. I've got three issues of the collection still shrink wrapped. It's the old adage of money doesn't solve everything. I mean it's a relief to get groceries without worrying about whether I can afford it or not but that's not everything.

There's no real point in trying to get help from the mental health team.
When the truth offends, we lie and lie until we can no longer remember it is even there, but it is still there. Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later, that debt is paid. That is how an RBMK reactor core explodes. Lies. - Valery Legasov

Funt Solo

May I ask what type of models you're building?
++ A-Z ++  coma ++

Jade Falcon

When the truth offends, we lie and lie until we can no longer remember it is even there, but it is still there. Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later, that debt is paid. That is how an RBMK reactor core explodes. Lies. - Valery Legasov

Funt Solo

That's an eclectic mix. I was always really intimidated by these kinds of models, although I ended up having some luck with fantasy minis.
++ A-Z ++  coma ++

JayzusB.Christ

Quote from: JayzusB.Christ on 28 June, 2021, 10:05:24 PM
I may not always agree with you, Sharky (unless it's about 2000ad), but you're one of the good guys and I'd miss you if you weren't on the board.  Hang on in there, you'll get through this even if it feels like you won't.

I've learned quite a bit about my brain from online CBT.  It's taken me a shit load of time and cost me a fiar but of money but I think, finally, I'm just about starting to find the tools to deal with depression and anxiety. 

* a fair bit of money, that is.  Sorry.  I just wish I'd found CBT first and avoided all the rubbish therapists.  Talk, talk, talk - it's a good way to know yourself, sure, but it doesn't help you fix yourself. 
"Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest"

Proudhuff

Quote from: The Legendary Shark on 28 June, 2021, 05:47:59 PM

Black dog bit me hard today. Walking around like nothing matters. Everyone sleepwalking into a monstrous dark future, lost in lies, half-truths and fear. Fear everywhere, leading the world by the nose. Nobody wants to look, nobody wants to listen. Found myself thinking that if today my heart finally did give out and I moved on, wouldn't be a bad thing. Least I'll miss all the horrors in store. Haven't felt so hopeless, so lost, in nearly a decade. Hard to stay focused. Hard not to brood. Do not want to slip back into that darkness I felt before but it's like a flood. Not sure how much longer I can stay afloat. Talking to a couple of trusted people helped a bit. Not much. Got to hang on, though. Got to beat it. Done it before, can do it again. Can do it again. Have to.

Got to beat it. Done it before, can do it again. Can do it again. Have to.
DDT did a job on me

The Legendary Shark

Thanks, guys, I'm glad you're here.

There's a guy who lives on site who's quite high up in the NHS Mental Health Department. Dumb as I can be, I never even thought of speaking to him until yesterday. It was actually quite difficult to raise the topic with him as I do consider him a friend but, in the end, I selfishly decided that I might as well "use this resource" to help myself. And, after an uncharacteristically reticent approach from me, he was all too willing to listen.

The astonishing part (and the reason why I'm posting this here) was that the very act of asking him for a little help was deeply cathartic. He said he'd see me after work for a chat, and at the time I asked him that was nine hours away. During that time, however, the darkness lifted immeasurably. I think that I was extremely worried that I'd fall back into the pit it took me over a decade to climb out of the last time, but this time there was a big difference. I could talk to a guy I trust.

Last time, I think, it seemed to me that there was no way out - friends and family just wouldn't understand (even if I hadn't been too embarrassed to tell them about it) and the professionals I saw just regarded me as another anonymous case number requiring some chemical or other. This time, to my complete surprise, it was as if there was an unlocked door that I only had to open to step out of the dark. And so I did.

We had a fairly lengthy and, I think most importantly, relaxed conversation in his little office. I made some connections I'd never thought about before and found his perspectives and questions both relevant and revealing. How lucky I am in my life - to be living in a minor Eden during this Time of Madness and also to have a friend who is a MH professional. It sometimes feels like there actually might be some kind of higher shenanigans going on behind our lives.

Of course, I'm not saying that I've finally killed the old Malignant Mutt, but I think I might just have given it a good slapping - and all I had to do was something I usually have absolutely no problem with but this time was initially very, very hard and uncomfortable for me: to open my mouth. I guess I never really believed the answer could be so simple.

Beat it. Did it before, did it again. Did it again. Had to.
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