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Messages - karne

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Off Topic / Re: Get Fact!
« on: 16 February, 2009, 03:37:41 PM »
Over 1000 posts to this utter nonsense?! That has to be worth a momentary ressurection at least...

As a child, JFK was enthralled by stage magicians and their super-human feats. His particular favourite was Harry Houdini, and after hearing rumours that his hero had at one time caught a bullet between his teeth, he vowed that one day he would also carry out such a trick.

By the time JFK reached adulthood he had perfected his stage persona to such a degree that he was inadvertently elected President of America. He initially saw this as a temporary setback to his plans of becoming the world’s greatest illusionist before realising that his high profile would actually be of benefit to his stage career.

The final piece of the jigsaw came one summer afternoon when he popped into his local cinema to see a re-run of the 1959 hit comedy “Some Like it Hot”. In that moment he knew instantly that his search for the perfect magician’s assistant was over. Unfortunately for JFK though, Tony Curtis was unavailable at the time as he had more important things to do like chase girls half his age and star in films. Tony suggested his co-star, but when Jack Lemmon also decided to be unavailable the job went to their supporting actress and professional airhead, Marilyn Monroe.

Now that the line-up was complete it seemed like nothing could go wrong, but during a rehearsal on August 5th 1962, Marilyn asked if she could take a shot in the mouth. After the initial misunderstanding had been cleared up, JFK agreed, but only if he could replace the bullets with something less harmful in case anything went wrong. A search of the room revealed a bottle of sleeping pills, which JFK loaded into the revolver and then proceeded to shoot Marilyn in the gob with. After over a hundred perfect shots, Marilyn began to feel a little tired and decide to sleep. JFK being the perfect gentleman decided to strip her naked and leave her on the bed, little knowing that she had swallowed enough pills to send her off to the land of nod permanently.  

It’s unknown whether or not this unfortunate little accident had any effect on JFK’s judgement, but on that fateful day in November 1963, he instructed three of his most able marksmen to position themselves in a book depository, on a grassy knoll and within the crowd of bystanders and then shoot him in the teeth in an attempt to trump Houdini’s previous one bullet record. As the history books show the trick didn’t go as planned. But public sympathy was so high that the FBI decided not to reveal how stupid JFK had been to attempt such a mad stunt in case it sparked a revolution or, at worst, apathy at the next election.

Events became a little complicated two days later when one of the marksmen, Lee Harvey Oswald contacted Claims Direct and threatened legal action against the family of Harry Houdini on the grounds that it was their relative who had given JFK such a stupid notion. The FBI feared that if the case went public then the true facts would be revealed. But Houdini’s family, fearing bankruptcy, had already taken care of things by hypnotising their next-door neighbour, local night club owning gun-nut Jack Ruby to shoot Lee Harvey Oswald and prevent the claim from being taken any further.

Had JFK succeeded in his trick it is highly likely that he would have gone on to become the most popular President in American history. And without doubt, certainly the most entertaining.

General / Re: The Wrath of Karne
« on: 02 July, 2003, 06:44:07 PM »
Errm, I'm quite stumped here because despite my seemingly having an answer for everything, the one thing I do find hard to reply to is any form of praise, so thanks for the comments everyone, I'm really humbled.

There's no ulterior motive to my actions, It's just that like a number of boarders here (my wife included) I spent a very long time battling against clinical depression and still feel that there's a bit too much negativity out there without adding to it.

All I'm trying to do is have a bit of fun and make people feel a little bit cheery if they're down. Sometimes It works and sometimes it doesn't. Most of the time I'm left wondering what I was on about myself.

On the plus side, I'd like to say that I'm somewhat less of a depressive these days, unfortunately I'm a lot more manic.

Thanks again,

Anth (karne)

General / Re: The Wrath of Karne
« on: 02 July, 2003, 01:32:41 AM »

General / Re: Where have all the good times ...
« on: 02 July, 2003, 01:41:34 AM »
" hate to say it but the not so recent board war has I think gotten all the sillies afraid to be silly anymore."

Pah! As if Bou. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm just extremely pre-occupied at the moment.


General / Re: The 2000ad price rise TOTE...
« on: 30 June, 2003, 11:12:33 PM »
Mystic karne had this to say on 16 Apr 03...

The final detail came with the advert for next week's prog, which carried the always-dubious "STILL ONLY" message. As most people may have realised this sort of message normally appears a few months or weeks before a magazine goes up in price.

It's a common enough ploy to convince you that the company has done well to keep it so low, for so long before whacking an extra five or ten pence on the cover price and mentioning the ever spiralling costs of printing.

I wonder what I'll see in my crystal ball over the coming months?

General / Re: The 2000ad price rise TOTE.......
« on: 30 June, 2003, 10:34:09 PM »
It's the "Not the Nine O'Clock News" TV licence sketch isn't it Longy?

General / Re: distressed,and havig withdrawl...
« on: 30 June, 2003, 11:15:44 PM »
How about a finished symphony by Beethoven?

General / Re: distressed,and havig withdrawl...
« on: 30 June, 2003, 11:09:25 PM »
Wow! You have the complete run of Big Numbers. Do you want to swap it for the third series of the Tripods?

General / Re: distressed,and havig withdrawl...
« on: 30 June, 2003, 10:44:24 PM »
"he's sending me the only surviving copy of the legendary "Giant Spider" scene from the original King Kong, but I'm not allowed to tell anyone."

Gahhh! You've went and told everyone now Rac, so I'll just have to send something else instead.

How about Book Four of Halo Jones?

General / Re: distressed,and havig withdrawl...
« on: 30 June, 2003, 10:41:31 PM »
"Karne sent me issues 1 -20 of 2000ad with free gifts attached all in mint condition and sealed in an air-tight box."

If you ever do find yourself in a vacuum and decide to open the box DD, remember that if the progs are missing it's probably because the postie stole them because they were definitely in there when I sent the parcel off.

Off Topic / Re: Woe is me
« on: 28 June, 2003, 07:03:27 PM »
Woah! I feel for you man IKEA should be avoided at all costs no matter how cool their adverts are.

I personally go to MFI. Not to buy stuff, but to try and figure out why their sale items are the same price as they've been for years, just with a Previous Price* sticker put on them. I'm still baffled.

*this statement applies to another branch where this item was on sale at a higher price. (probably in Afghanistan)

Off Topic / Re: Of Interest to petrolheads, Mo...
« on: 28 June, 2003, 06:50:04 PM »
I've got them Trouty, and the Anderson ones as well, and what's more I bought them from a local pound store. Smug, Smuggity, smug, smug, smug.

Off Topic / Re: Of Interest to petrolheads, Mo...
« on: 28 June, 2003, 03:08:56 PM »

General / Re: Here come Cowboys
« on: 29 June, 2003, 12:41:56 AM »
Is this the one? I quite fancy that myself ;)

Link: Luverly art for sale or trade.

General / Here come Cowboys
« on: 28 June, 2003, 03:18:42 AM »
Check out the 2000ad and art for sale/trade sections on this site.

Link: Ooh! very nice.

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