Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[Richmond Clements]

especially the blokes who are unbearable arseholes almost without exception. Very laddish, shallow, preening types who I find it almost impossible to even make small talk with.

Oh man, I feel your pain on this one.
Nothing worse than being stuck at a BBQ or party and left with a group of men talking about fucking well football or cricket or rugby- subjects I not only have no interest in, but have no knowledge whatsoever.

[Banners]

Nothing worse than being stuck ...with a group of men talking about fucking well football or cricket...

On the contrary - football is so universal that it's a wonderful ice-breaker. It's inherently geographical so when someone says they're from Brighton you can go, "oh, we just sold Craig Noone to you lot" for example.

No other subject comes close to being all-encompassing amongst men.

I did try to start up conversations about my passions for Judge Dredd, Ken Loach films, London's Burning and the latest album by some 80s Paisley Underground survivor - but you get to be far more popular if you make reference to the beautiful game.

M@

[Richmond Clements]

when someone says they're from Brighton you can go, "oh, we just sold Craig Noone to you lot" for example.

Did you make this up or is it a truefact?
(I'm aware I may be making a fool of muself here, as the surname could be a comedy name you've made up!)

[Banners]

Quite true...(!)

M@

[Van Dom]

Nothing worse than being stuck ...with a group of men talking about fucking well football or cricket...

On the contrary - football is so universal that it's a wonderful ice-breaker. It's inherently geographical so when someone says they're from Brighton you can go, "oh, we just sold Craig Noone to you lot" for example.

No other subject comes close to being all-encompassing amongst men.

I did try to start up conversations about my passions for Judge Dredd, Ken Loach films, London's Burning and the latest album by some 80s Paisley Underground survivor - but you get to be far more popular if you make reference to the beautiful game.

M@

I agree with Banners 100 per cent, he is absolutely right and I came to the realisation many years ago. Unfortunately, try as I might, I just was incapable of learning anything about it. I really did try, as I work in an office with 3 other guys who talk about nothing but football all day long and I am constantly sitting at my desk like Billy No Mates while they natter away happily. I know I could get involved if I could just somehow pay attention to the sports news, or read the sports pages in the free newspaper I get on the train in the morning, but every time I try my eyes just glaze over and my brain goes into automatic shutdown. Cant be done, wish it could!

[Albion]

when someone says they're from Brighton you can go, "oh, we just sold Craig Noone to you lot" for example.

Did you make this up or is it a truefact?
(I'm aware I may be making a fool of muself here, as the surname could be a comedy name you've made up!)

Being a Brighton and Hove Albion supporter I can confirm that is a true fact. Now, what do you think about David Beckham possibly going to Spurs on loan? 

[TordelBack]

I agree with Banners 100 per cent, he is absolutely right and I came to the realisation many years ago. Unfortunately, try as I might, I just was incapable of learning anything about it.

So true, it's the lingua franca of small talk!  I tried, really tried, to learn enough about soccer or at least hurling to get by in casual conversation, even to the point of reading the sports pages every morning on the bus, but I just can't hold it together and am swiftly exposed as a fake.  I come from a completely sports-obsessed family, so on meeting anyone who knows my brothers (a national-level coach and a triathlete respectively) or my parents (rugby, soccer and cricket fans) they immediately try to engage me in sports-type conversation, which always ends badly.  It's my poor son I feel badly for - despite the attempts of his uncle and grandad to teach him the rudiments of baseline sports knowledge, it's something I just can't provide in the home.  His Greek mythology is coming along fine, but I can't help feeling it's not the same - whether Hercules cheated on the 12th task by getting Atlas' help just doesn't come up that often.

[Richmond Clements]

when someone says they're from Brighton you can go, "oh, we just sold Craig Noone to you lot" for example.

Did you make this up or is it a truefact?
(I'm aware I may be making a fool of muself here, as the surname could be a comedy name you've made up!)

Being a Brighton and Hove Albion supporter I can confirm that is a true fact. Now, what do you think about David Beckham possibly going to Spurs on loan? 

Well I never!

I have, of course, heard of Beckham. He plays for America.

[SmallBlueThing]

Radiator: in this, swine flu is your friend. Easy-to-fake symptoms, and a lot of lying down and groaning before she leaves. That's what i'd do.

Tordleback, i honestly had you down as a man sports fan. I think i assumed a 'tordleback' was some position in rugby or something!

As for football icebreakers, i usually find 'i know nothing about football, but i love watersports' works at the parties i go to.

SBT

[SmallBlueThing]

'Man sports fan' sounds infinitely filthier than i meant. 'Mad sports fan' was what i was going for.
SBT

[Colin Zeal]

It's always surprised me at how little talk of sport there is on here, which is unlike any other forum I use. Most have a sport section for people to use if they want. I mean, England have just won the Ashes in Australia for the first time in 24 years yet I don't think there has been one mention of it on here since the series started in November.

[johnnystress]

Me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79QDhBtmDdk

I dont 'get' sport at all

I mean well done to people for taking part and all that, but someone else winning something makes me feel nothing really

Thie talk of 'we' when referring to a bunch of millionires from a town you will never visit is not for me

[radiator]

Reminds me of this Armando Ianucci sketch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EbPsK6shaQ

On the contrary - football is so universal that it's a wonderful ice-breaker. It's inherently geographical so when someone says they're from Brighton you can go, "oh, we just sold Craig Noone to you lot" for example.

No other subject comes close to being all-encompassing amongst men.

I did try to start up conversations about my passions for Judge Dredd, Ken Loach films, London's Burning and the latest album by some 80s Paisley Underground survivor - but you get to be far more popular if you make reference to the beautiful game.

Yes, I get all that (and there's no way in hell that I'd try and talk to them about comics or anything like that), it's just that... I..... hate football.... and all other sport...

I listen to 5Live quite a bit, but would much prefer that station if they never mentioned sport - whenever they jump to a sports news item or the sports bulletin comes on they may as well be broadcasting white noise - I just don't hear it!

I used to work in a godawful chain restaurant in my student days. The manager, a boorish, chubby little jobsworth, would always start football conversations with the male employees as a lazy way to bond with the staff.

I used to sarcastically join in with these little chats, adopting an exaggerated laddy persona and vociferously agreeing or disagreeing with whatever he was saying and bluffing my way through - despite knowing zero about football. This used to entertain my dim-witted, easy to impress colleagues no end, but it always left the manager utterly bemused - he could never tell whether I was being serious or not.

Oh man, I feel your pain on this one.
Nothing worse than being stuck at a BBQ or party and left with a group of men talking about fucking well football or cricket or rugby- subjects I not only have no interest in, but have no knowledge whatsoever.

I think a large part of the problem is that I'm (relatively) young, work in the media and don't have any kids - so I'm kind of surrounded by like-minded, similarly aged, creative types 24/7. You can kind of forget how to talk to people out in the real world  .

[Mikey]

Fitba - nope. Unless it's the world cup, but I still feel fraudulent.

Rugby - yup. As far as I used to play and like watching it. Not big on the stats.

Cars - jebus no! They've four wheels, can look nice and go on petroleum distillates. That's it. Stop talking in word/letter combinations about engines! Car bores are the worst for me because they remind me of me da.

My advice, Radiator, is to get topped up on good chianti and grappa, then who gives a shit? Waffle on about your passions and they'll soon bugger off! And like TB says, try to make the best of being in Italy if you're being pressed into spending the dabs.

M.

[radiator]

My advice, Radiator, is to get topped up on good chianti and grappa, then who gives a shit? Waffle on about your passions and they'll soon bugger off!

But that's exactly what I don't want - to end up sitting alone on a table, drunk!  

I vividly recall an incident at the last wedding I went to with this crowd - I tried to strike up a conversation with one of the 'lads'. It went like this:

Me: "Alright"
Him: "Alright"

(pause)

Me: "So, you having a good day?"

...and that was it - he got distracted by someone/something and walked away. To be fair, he was a lot more drunk than I was, but even so! If I can't even get past hello with these people, what chance do I have?