Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[TordelBack]

You mean the squeaking could have been late night Transforming sessions?  You'd think a serious collector would invest in some WD-40...

[Dandontdare]

I got back from holiday today, but my luggage didn't. Hopefully another schlep to the airport tomorrow will be all that's needed....

[mogzilla]

For the past three days my neighbour has been having sex at five o'fucking clock in the morning. Very loudly, with a woman who squeaks. Squeaks i say.
SBT

I've had a similar problem with neighbours in the past.

My solution? As SOON as there's a hint of any south-of-bellybutton type activities going on at an unacceptable volume (and if you can hear it, it's sodding well unacceptable!) make a point of doing something EQUALLY LOUD. That generally sends the message that if they can hear you, you can hear them.

My preferred technique has been to get up and make a cup of tea. The racket out kettle makes is enough to make the paper thin walls in our gaff positively rattle.

Loudly saying 'AH! THAT'S JUST WHAT I NEED! A NICE CUP OF TEA TO CALM MY NERVES AFTER BEING SUBJECTED TO MY NEIGHBOURS SEX LIFE!' also serves to underscore the point.

...that or just start singing at the top of your voice, something like 'Rosemarie' or 'shutupayou face' should do the trick

shout .....or even better get domino to shout " she's faking it!" that'll stop 'em as they start arguing..

[SmallBlueThing]

Thankfully, it may only have been because of the long weekend, as this morning they were silent. Who has sex at five in the morning three days running? They're both in their fifties too. It would be sweet, if he wasnt such an absolute shithead.

SBT

[I, Cosh]

aye Cosh, its an English Bank Holiday so work and no Prog til mid-week for us!!

I'm off today and the postie came, but he still didn't bring any bloody Progs. What the fuck is wrong with Broken Britain?!

Okay, this is now stretching the definition of "minor impediment."

As for loud shaggers, I get my own back by waiting until maybe half an hour after they've finished before treating myself to a particularly energetic wank. With the volume on full. Then shouting "That's what it should sound like!" at the top of my voice.

[SmallBlueThing]

Fucking hell cosh, even i dont have a volume control on my wanking apparatus. Perhaps i should invest in an amplifier!

SBT

[COMMANDO FORCES]

You Victorian prudes

You need to bang that headboard, crack that whip, rattle those chains and scream & shout as loud as you can for at least two minutes to show those fuckers who is THE MAN 

[vzzbux]

SBT if they start up again just shout out "the mood is set, the tone is right, now for my morning wank. Thank you (insert neighbours names here)".





V

[The Legendary Shark]

Record it, then play it back to them full belt at 3am every morning for a month.

[Something Fishy]

Have returned to work after a lovely family holiday.  Bummer but at least i'm working.

[Tiplodocus]

Football resulted in two shots blocked by my testicles this week.  First right and then left.  Fortunately, the impact was partially absorbed by my inner thigh on both occassions.

That's two weeks in a row I've taken shots in the noodles. And two weeks in a row we've won.  It's becoming a lucky charm.

[Tiplodocus]

Oh and...

Did I really see an entire magazine called KATIE on the newstand at WH SMITHS devoted to the goings on of Katie Price?  Really?

[The Legendary Shark]

We can only hope not. Hopefully it was just a hallucination brought on by testicular trauma...

[Albion]

Oh and...

Did I really see an entire magazine called KATIE on the newstand at WH SMITHS devoted to the goings on of Katie Price?  Really?

Yes. I saw that somewhere too. Is it really all just about her?   

[HdE]

Mruh.

Logged into my DA account today, and found that somebody has set up another page using MY pseudonym. Checking the page, it's completely empty so far, so it's hard to jusdge whether there's any monkey business going on, or whether this is  asimple blunder on somebody's part and they've scurried off to set up another page elsewhere.

But still.. who the hell wants to be ME?