Life Spugs because...

[Trout]

That's horrific. DDD. Unimaginable.

All you can do is make yourself available for them, if they need you.

[TordelBack]

All you can do is make yourself available for them, if they need you.

I'd agree with this advice completely.  My brother-in-law and his wife lost their baby, my niece Alice, shortly after birth this time last year, and a friend and his wife lost twins the same way over a few days just after Christmas.  While both couples have dealt with the situation completely differently, the common theme was their need to talk about it openly, and from my perspective the fathers in particular, who perhaps have fewer avenues or precedents available to them.  Obviously don't force the issue, but really do try to make it clear that you're a willing ear whenever they want it. 

In my brother-in-law's case, my wife and I were actually there when Alice died (indeed my wife [an atheist] had to baptise the poor wee girl before she died, no religious types being available - to my eternal shame I couldn't bring myself to do it, a failure I'll be reliving the rest of my days), so that obviously made the talking easier. 

It's hard, but it's a palpable help at a difficult time.

[Mikey]

Fuckin hell - it puts everyday problems into perspective.

M.

[SmallBlueThing]

That is indeed horrible, DDD. And equally the experience you related tordleback. Ive had personal experience of the pain of losing a child, and it's still something my mind slips away from, refusing to think about it for longer than it takes my gut to churn. Unbelievably, there are degrees it seems, and both the posts above relate experiences that are horribly worse than ours was, but i will reiterate what has been said in response. Too many of our friends and family treated it like it was best not mentioned, and to this day my parents wont talk about it. The few people i could speak to are forever remembered as the best, and im forever grateful.

Thoughts and hopes to everyone involved.

SBT

[Proudhuff]

Being there is the best, and really only thing, you can do Emp , DD. On a more positive note you get it back in spades, as SBT says people remember who stood up/by them and do the same back.

[Emperor]

Life spugs because my auntie was taken into hospital because of problems with her bowels and they've found a tumour that is obstructing her colon.  If she doesn't have it removed they say she'll never leave hospital but the operation has dangers too. My Dad and her two sons are sorting it all out (my uncle is involved but has the early stages of Alzheimers so...), but as her sons don't drive and the hospital is not easy to get to on public transport from here, so I'm on the list for helping ferry them to the hospital. So still early days but whatever happens it sounds like it'll be a bit unpleasant for the time being.

Well it seems that the doctor being elliptical was confusing matters, which the consultant cleared up today. She wouldn't have been able to leave the hospital without a stent being fitted to open up her bowels again. They won't be removing the tumour as she is eighty and the cancer is already in her liver as well as her bowels. So they are sending her home and providing support but they won't tell us how long they think she's got (as that only happens in the films and for people convicted of blowing up airplanes, I assume).

[edit: Apparently the doctor has said it won't be long ]

All you can do is make yourself available for them, if they need you.

I'd agree with this advice completely.  My brother-in-law and his wife lost their baby, my niece Alice, shortly after birth this time last year, and a friend and his wife lost twins the same way over a few days just after Christmas.  While both couples have dealt with the situation completely differently, the common theme was their need to talk about it openly, and from my perspective the fathers in particular, who perhaps have fewer avenues or precedents available to them.  Obviously don't force the issue, but really do try to make it clear that you're a willing ear whenever they want it.

Or even somewhere to escape from it all for a while and watch a sci-fi film or two.

Everyone is different but it sounds like he has a lot of close friends and family to talk to, but there can be a finite number of times you can hear people say who sorry they are for your loss before it just becomes one big grief-soaked blur. Sometimes you just want to get away from it - walk up a large mountain, push down a tree or get shit-faced.

[Roger Godpleton]

I was trimming my toenail by hand but I took too much off.

[vzzbux]

CL2K has spell checker.



V

[Albion]

......Mrs Albion was going to work tonight and as she barely pulled away from the drive another car came along and hit her.

Thankfully she's OK but the car isn't. We have two days off booked for Monday and Tuesday. On Monday we are supposed to be taking her grandsons to Legoland. We may get a courtesy car as late as Tuesday but I will phone tomorrow to try and get one quicker.

[TordelBack]

Phew, Albion, thank goodness your good lady is okay.  Beyond that, total pisser, but still...

[Emperor]

Life spugs because my auntie was taken into hospital because of problems with her bowels and they've found a tumour that is obstructing her colon.  If she doesn't have it removed they say she'll never leave hospital but the operation has dangers too. My Dad and her two sons are sorting it all out (my uncle is involved but has the early stages of Alzheimers so...), but as her sons don't drive and the hospital is not easy to get to on public transport from here, so I'm on the list for helping ferry them to the hospital. So still early days but whatever happens it sounds like it'll be a bit unpleasant for the time being.

Well it seems that the doctor being elliptical was confusing matters, which the consultant cleared up today. She wouldn't have been able to leave the hospital without a stent being fitted to open up her bowels again. They won't be removing the tumour as she is eighty and the cancer is already in her liver as well as her bowels. So they are sending her home and providing support but they won't tell us how long they think she's got (as that only happens in the films and for people convicted of blowing up airplanes, I assume).

[edit: Apparently the doctor has said it won't be long ]

And we are now into the deathwatch. It's a bit scary looking back on the dates - she was pretty much fine a month ago and now it'd be a mercy when she finally slips away.

[TordelBack]

That's a rough one Emperor.  Things can change so quickly.  Thoughts are with you and your family.

[SuperSurfer]

Sorry to hear that Emperor.

[staticgirl]

My sympathies to you and your family.

I hope your auntie is as comfortable as possible.

[Emperor]

Thanks all.

I hope your auntie is as comfortable as possible.

She is in a drug-induced sleep now, so it is just a matter of time. I'm rubbish at this sort of thing unless I'm doing something. I might make a vast vat of chilli and take it over - there are a lot of family and friends around who probably don't want to be thinking about cooking at a time like this. Now there's an idea.