I'm Dieing on the Inside and I can't Stop It

critter · 21 October, 2011, 10:28:59 PM

I know I haven't posted much in recent times, but its the safest place for me to do it. My daughter has some problems, shes 14. Right now shes hates everyone, school, ect. She said she wants to hit the wall. I said, you'll break your hand. She said, thats ok if I break my hand I won't be sad anymore. She already sees a threrapist and a shrink. I can't stand it, shes hurting on the inside and I can't do anything about. She doesn't know whats making her so sad and angry, and I do is make it worse.

critter

locustsofdeath! · 22 October, 2011, 12:22:27 AM

Hey Critter - I'm the father of a pre-teen with teen attitude! All I can say is - hang in there, be there for her, and she'll realise you're there for her. Maybe take her out, just the two of you, and do something she's into. Try to relate to her. There might be something going on in her life you're not aware of yet.

I hope it all works out. Take care, mate.

Proudhuff · 22 October, 2011, 10:42:32 AM

Don't know if it will help, but the best bit of advice for teen angst we got was to get 'em a pet, sounds silly but it works, gives them responsibility and 'someone' to share with, also gives you something to talk about that can't be seen as criticising or 'heavy'.

Hang it there

Eric Plumrose · 22 October, 2011, 11:11:42 AM

Quote from: Proudhuff on 22 October, 2011, 10:42:32 AMteen angst

Better to not assume, even if it does turn out to be "just" teen angst.

If she hasn't done so already, suggest she might try 'phoning Samaritans.

She doesn't have to be suicidal (although she will be asked). Nor should she feel she has to say anything when a volunteer answers: She can try again at any time as many times as necessary until she's feels ready. The focus will be on her feelings, not the details. Male volunteers are just as adept as their female conterparts but, if your daughter really can't open up to a bloke, a couple of options might be suggested. Most (if not all) branches take visitors*; do bear in mind, though, a 'phone call won't necessarily get her through to one in your area, even if she calls a local number.

Most IMPORTANT, anything said and discussed is done so in complete confidence. Samaritans aren't trained professionals so won't give advice (hence the term 'emotional support'); they can, however, refer your daughter to another agency that might be able to help.

* IIRC, even though she's under sixteen, she won't have to be accompanied by an adult if she does decide to visit.

Proudhuff · 22 October, 2011, 11:20:19 AM

sorry if that sounded trite. wasn't meant too

Eric Plumrose · 22 October, 2011, 11:28:16 AM

. . . That's assuming you live in the UK, of course (sorry). There are other similar organizations worldwide, Befrienders International (I think) in the US.

Quote from: Proudhuff on 22 October, 2011, 11:20:19 AMsorry if that sounded trite. wasn't meant too

Wasn't having a go, Huff. And not that you were but I think it's just a little too easy to be dismissive, even if it is just teenagers going through all that emotional shit they're supposed to.

Modern Panther · 22 October, 2011, 11:49:27 AM

Hi mate. I occasionally suffer from mild depression, but went through a really bad patch at about 14. It feels stupid, sitting down to talk about you feelings, but it really does help to put things in perspective. It might not solve all problems, but its a good place to start.
It gets better.

Roger Godpleton · 22 October, 2011, 07:24:22 PM

I'm in counselling now after a meltdown a few weeks back. It really does help and I would definitely try to get her to speak to someone.

Trout · 22 October, 2011, 08:28:21 PM

Nice to see you back, Roger.

Critter, hang in there. All I can offer is my best wishes, I'm afraid.

- Trout

SmallBlueThing · 22 October, 2011, 08:46:56 PM

Yeah, ive been thinking this over since i read your post earlier in the day. Ive come to the conclusion that nothing i can add to what's been written above would sound anything other than trite. I have no expertise here, as my kids arent of that age yet, and i didnt feel that way as a teenager.

You have my best wishes, as does your daughter, and im glad you felt you could at least share this with The Board. Im sorry that's no help, but its all ive got.

SBT

critter · 22 October, 2011, 09:46:27 PM

The only person she really opens up is her grandma. She wanted a dog, So we finally found a puppy. But she wants nothing to do with and has said she wish she would die. Her therapist called last week and all she said was not to leave alone with the dog. I think the root of the whole thing right now is she is being bullied. But everytime we asked she says "no".

critter

COMMANDO FORCES · 23 October, 2011, 02:24:45 AM

Sorry to hear you and your daughters suffering, I can't even imagine what you are going through and I hope it all turns good soon.

You mention that she opens up to her Grandma. Is there anyway that you could invite her over soonish for a few days or even the school term break and then try to get her to use her wisdom and charm to help uncover the problem and so begin to rectify it, if possible. You could tell her all the things that have gone on, not leaving anything out and just lay the cards on the table and say you need help.

You mention you think it could be bullying, is this at school or after. If it's at school would it be possible to talk to her teacher and explain the situation and ask them to keep an eye on her. Even inform the head teacher so that a few of her subject teachers could be kept informed so that they could all keep an eye on her.

I'm stumped at what you would do if it's after school. Has she got a real close friend or friends. You could tell her that she could have them round for sleep overs or stuff like that and if you can risk it ask any of them if she is being bullied. Obviously this is the risky option as they might tell her and then it's back to square one.

I do hope all goes well for you and your family and if we on here can be of some help, do not hesitate to ask as we are all here for you.

Emp · 23 October, 2011, 02:48:02 AM

All good advice from the boraders,,only i can think of is if its bullying, encourage her to do well academically.

It sounds a bit lame i know but nothing beats facing that bully when they're your bitch and need your money

vzzbux · 23 October, 2011, 08:22:23 AM

I have a 15 year old daughter who I have over at the weekends. A few years ago she was in a very bad place mentally. From the age of about 11 she was stealing heavily from her mum and stepdad, she was even caught stealing aroung £200 from one of her teachers. She was rebelling left right center. My son even had money go missing from his money jar, although we couldnt proove it all fingers pointed. It got to the stage where she had to live with me for a while just so the dust could settle at home. It wasn't great as our house isn't really big enough to accomodate her but it was necessary.
Two years ago she moved schools, the first year there wasn't much of an improvement in her behaviour but last year she has really turned a corner. She now has a part time job and is getting A, B and C grades at school.
It may have been a phase she was going through but it seems that her school enviroment has been a major contributing factor.
Hopefully things will get better for you and your daughter. Go to her school and talk to the head, there may be issues there and if a new school is required don't be afraid to try it.

V

A.Cow · 23 October, 2011, 08:34:37 AM

My missus went through hell at school, so I sympathise completely.

My wife has a panic disorder, which means she loses all reasoned logic in agoraphobic/claustrophobic situations and becomes a danger to herself. Started in her teenage years. It made her exceptionally socially awkward and she suffered badly at the hands of classmates who couldn't understand why she would start screaming for her life & trying to knock herself unconscious if somebody locked her in a cupboard.

It was made ten times worse by the fact that her parents didn't try to understand it, and kept blaming her for being difficult.

(In later years she once tried jumping out of a car at 70mph 'cos we missed a turn-off -- and it's not easy trying to stop a car at the same time as you're restraining somebody, I'll tell you.)

Besides that she's a perfectly normal woman. Nowadays it's under control and she leads a perfectly everyday life (although she still can't travel long distances).

Your daughter is obviously suffering. If she's got to the shrink stage then it's more than just typical teenager stuff.

Whatever the cause -- whether it's bullying or problems with her head -- the fact that you're there for her & trying to support her is vital and will make all the difference. (Believe me, I spent years picking up the pieces where my wife's parents failed to support her.) As for making things worse, don't worry so much about trying to solve it -- that's the shrink's job. Just support her as much as you can.