R.I.Ps too.

[Slippery PD]

Well I kinda missed this and much like a number of people here, not really sure where to start as such, but  I too have suffered from reactive depression.  People seem surprised that a number of us have suffered, but remember most of us are creative or intelligent, two indicators of people   who might suffer from depression.  

A couple of years ago, my father died through ill health.  A typical Scotsman, he drank his way into a grave, which gave me a health scare myself.  Add into that the fact that I had relationship issues, an unsupportive manager at work and my eldest was in the middle of her gsce's.  Also my best friend had disappeared of to Oz and my illness culminated with some money problems as well.  All in all everything piled on at once and my support system was gone.  (My wife doest and didn't believe in depression, no matter what shed seen.).  I reacted by staying basically staying in bed for nearly 4 months.  I was in a word an utter mess. A further 5 months went past of me just operating on a very basic level.  I went to work did what I had.  Came home ate and slept.  T

To cut a long story short.  I didn't stop work, which in retrospect was a mistake, I should have taken the time to get my head straight.  It was only when a very close friend told me I was close to in a phrase "taking my own life".  That it suddenly struck me how correct they were.  So I decided to basically move on and try and beat the bloody thing.  That was at the start of the year, Ive started exercising a lot and actually I am currently going through another health scare now.  But for some reason Im managing to remain positive and hopefully I now understand my own head.  Its a scary place to be sometimes, but its my own head and I have to live in it.

Those of you who know me will recognise that time as the point I dropped off the board, I still haven't really come back  full time and actually if this thread had been here a couple of years ago I would have had a word with some of you and created some sort of self help group!  

OK no more negativity, lets just get back to arguing about how many bars dredd has on his helmet.

Paul    

[Peter Wolf]

 I must admit that i had suicidal thoughts a few times.I realised even in that state that it was the depression that was causing it and that it wasnt a natural state of mind.So in a way it was like getting that thought into its correct context and not acting on it.

 It wasnt an option because even while depressed i realised it was stupid,selfish,pointless, and wasteful,not to mention the consequences to others after the event.

 Put simply it was a thought but *never* an option.

 Its in my nature to fight something head on ,not run away from it or be defeated by it.

 Both my parents get light depression but not serious and my Dad gets Migraines [i dont know how often]. which thankfully i dont.


 His answer to Depression in his own words :"dont worry son , all the best people get depression !"

 That was it although when i had proper depression they werent very supportive but that wasnt a problem as i can support myself.


 The amount of people i knew who were friends were totally unsupportive and didnt want to know because it was "too negative".

 Pathetic really looking back as the person suffering has no one to relate to or chat to about it because everyone was too selfish to show any interest.

 Myself ? I will listen to anyones problems and offer advice as i dont find it depressing at all and i am good at counselling and its always a pleasure to help.

[Trout]

There are lots of people whom I like, telling tales that upset me here.

Take care, you lot.

- Trout

[Bart Oliver]

Thanks for the kind words folks.

[Richmond Clements]

Having no mental health issues on my own, I'm feeling kind of left out here!

Ollie- been there my friend, so I know exactly who you feel.

[Matt Timson]

DENIAL!

[Richmond Clements]

I'm normal I tell you!

NORMAL!

[Queen Firey-Bou]

yeah & add my sympathies to the pile Bart, Grieving anyone, esp a suicide does bad things to the brain, so be kind to yourself.

Re slippos comment about he should have left work, thats one of the problems i get during spam attacks, a complete & utter incapacity to make a decision... should i rest, should i work more ? i tied my logic circuits into complete guilt ridden self flagellating mazes to the point where i'd pace around not able to put the kettle on or go to the loo !  

one immediate family member & a lady i work with both have 'Borderline personality disorder" which is like Bi-Polar racked up to the n-th degree, this 'brain cramp' seems to be one of their problems, they've described it as having loads of wee voices arguing in their heads " do this, no don't do this or that will happen, yeah but if you don't..etc"   But BPD can be bought on by Post Tramatic Stress ,  'bad things happen' so i guess thats all part of it.

my Doctor just said to me emphatically " Stop analysing things ! ! "  which worked a treat... " oh ...? , okay then "

anyway , modern life is rubbish so we can expect a lot more of this stuff, but i think its important to talk about it A) cos it helps, B) to de-stigmatise it & help others.

[Slippery PD]

I'm normal I tell you!

NORMAL!

IT PAYS TO BE MENTAL

[TordelBack]

i tied my logic circuits into complete guilt ridden self flagellating mazes to the point where i'd pace around not able to put the kettle on or go to the loo !


That is the most perfect description of how my recent bout of nuttiness began, and one I've failed to arrive at myself.  Once I'd ground to a halt as far as action went in exactly the way Bou decsribes, I found I couldn't even make my mouth say anything to anyone that mattered.  I had no problem buying a coffee or giving directions, but to say something that actually mattered - like "Help!" or "I'm sorry I can't come into work I'm very unwell", I couldn't physically do it.  Lies on the hand seemed quite manageable, such as pretending to my beloved that I was going into work 14 hours a day, when I was in fact hiding.

[Queen Firey-Bou]

shit ! we do need a self help group !  This paralysis is part of the bodies need for a shut down, but the inability to ask for help is part of the fear, self loathing, which of course creates a loop. I'd recommend discussing it with a partner in saner times & having a neutral key word when you need help etc...

anyway my co-worker will go mental if i don't feck off to work ten minutes ago !

[Keef Monkey]

"Can it be as easy as finding/creating something you can have pride in to help oucupie your mind"

You might be right there. I know it's a massive cliche but I've always found working on music is great therapy, both in terms of keeping your mind occupied and being able to say you got something positive out of something negative (might explain why all my songs are fecking miserable). It wasn't always the case in my old band but that's because the people I was playing with were part of the problem, now I'm surrounded by lovely people who I couldn't be closer to and it's great.

I know there's a lot of folk on here who are gifted with art, have you found that's a good release?

[Richmond Clements]

I know there's a lot of folk on here who are gifted with art, have you found that's a good release?


Mmmm. sometimes I think the payoff for being gifted is the mentalness that comes with it.
See for example: Spike Milligan, Steven Fry, Peter Cook, Van Gogh...

[Peter Wolf]

 I went through a long phase at that time of thinking Modern Life is rubbish.

 To a large extent thats true but there is a lot of good stuff as well so i find its a case of filtering out all the stuff that is rubbish out of your life and just concentrate on the good stuff.

 That applies to people as well.

 If it makes you unhappy or you find it unpleasent then avoid it.So in a way i create my own reality that suits me.

 I find i get affected by enviromental factors ,so i couldnt live in a shitty place as that may trigger depression.

 I used to get depressed at that time about all the wrongs on the planet.I couldnt make sense of it at all but now i have an understanding of why things are the way they are , it was like having a thousand different parts to a puzzle that only made sense when it was complete.Now i understand what makes the world go round ,and why there is so much unpleasentness with humans , so i can take it all in ,read about the most awful stuff happening and not get depressed about it in the slightest.


 Also there is no point in beating yourself up over events beyond your control and whats more you have a right to be happy instead of being ground down by the system.The system as it is is SHIT but you cannot let that rob you of the joys and wonderful things about life and reality that are there to be enjoyed like nature etc.

 Fuck all the negative shit like unsupportive managers at work and all the the other wankers you meet along the way,fuck politics and Bush and Blair and all that lot and all the wrongs,get rid of bad relationships ,friends or partners,dont let others transfer their negativity onto you ,just concentrate on what makes you happy and just remember that its your life,its precious and things or people dont have the right to ruin it.

 The system is designed to drag you down if you are not wise to its workings.


 Fear and negativity feeds off your spirit like a parasite if you are not careful.

 If you find yourself feeling or going through shit times just remember it never lasts forever.

 You have a right to be happy Dammit !!

[Floyd-the-k]

it's a comforting myth that being gifted is related to mentalness. However there are millions of mental people who are just mental and many brilliant creative types who are otherwise normal...Bach, John Wagner, (tries hard to think of some more otherwise-normal creative types) Gore Vidal...ummmm. Well, that's what I reckoned.

Since Peter Cook's been mentioned, here's this from my memory of Bedazzled:

Dud: You're a bloody loony
Pete: That's just what they said about Jesus, Einstein and Galileo
Dud: They said it about a lot of loonies too