The Black Dog Thread

[JayzusB.Christ]

. I mean, look around - who the Hell's gonna' mess with us?

Er... the board moderators? 😜

Sorry. Glad things are better for you, Funt.

[The Legendary Shark]

Heh, point.
Spliffs all 'round!

[JayzusB.Christ]

You're on

[Jade Falcon]

Thanks all for the kind words.  I've been reassured by my brother that its nothing really to worry about as he has had the same thing a few times.

I suppose I just am paranoid, especially as my mum died with bowel cancer and I was worried about the same thing. 

[Tjm86]

Paranoid?  If there is a history of cancer in the family then surely that is reasonable vigilance?  Increases the chances of anything being caught at an early stage and treated.

I know what you mean about teaching Funt.  The demands and expectations have gotten seriously deranged in the last few years.  Then the pandemic kicked in and everything really went crazy.  I don't think people fully appreciate the damage it has done to education or the length of time it is going to take to sort out.

Personally, my mistake was forgetting one of my main triggers: humiliation.  It was something close to a miracle that the only thing that happened was I tipped myself into crisis mode.  That could have been so much worse.  So I can fully relate to the impact it is having on you.  I do hope you manage a decent shift.

[Jade Falcon]

Well, apparently I'm pretty severely anaemic, my hemoglobin levels are low, about 93.  I'll go for the endoscopy and colonoscopy.

I wonder if this could be related to my bad sleep patterns and total lack of energy.

I just feel that I have nothing to live for, I find life itself a drag with nothing to look forward to on any day and there's no end in sight.  There seems no point in going back to the GP's about it nor the long waiting time for the so called experts, especially during this time.

[The Legendary Shark]

According to the various anemia websites I've glanced at, lack of energy and disturbed sleep are indeed symptoms of that condition, as well as depression. I think it's great that you gathered your energies enough to go and get a diagnosis - the first step is always the hardest and now there's a definite path for you towards recovery.

[Hawkmumbler]

I really don't know how to phrase this without it sounding self deprecating or demeaning to those potentially still suffering from similar issues, particularly in a week where the hydra of social and political wrath appears to have raised its many heads simultaneously. But in a week of said discourse, I've just been reminded its been 5 years this week since I walked out on a truly horrid, toxic relationship and stopped SH'ing.

Not saying there haven't been times in those some 60 months where I haven't been tempted to let the knives do the talking again but it hasn't happened. And that feels like a small victory in a week of truly horrible stuff.

[Funt Solo]

Good work, Hawk. Nothing wrong with celebrating the victories.

[JayzusB.Christ]

 For sure. One of the most important things I've learned myself is how to get out of toxic relationships, though in my b case it was (so-called) friendships rather than romantic relationships. 

Personally I did it through learning to be a bit more assertive and a bit less passive.  I've mentioned before how i told a therapist that he was talking bullshit, but it was because he was telling me that being passive was fine* despite the fact that I'd told him over and over again that passivity was exactly what was causing my problems.

I'm a bit drunk, but essentially, yeah, celebrate leaving shitty relationships behind. It's important .


*when he finally said that 'passive' was a 'trigger word' for me, I realised that he was one of those toxic friends and got the fuck out.

[paddykafka]

I reckon that you made the right decision there, Jayzus.

Over the years, I have likewise found myself having to give a number of toxic individuals the old heave-ho, for the benefit of my own head. (Granted, I'm now practically a hermit, but omelettes, eggs, scrambling and all that.  )

Best of luck and cheers to all of ye who've had reason to post here in recent times.

[Proudhuff]

small incremental victories all add together... virtuous upward spiral done in baby steps, is the way out of the quagmire. Its only by looking back you see where you've been and how far you've come. 

[Rara Avis]

*when he finally said that 'passive' was a 'trigger word' for me, I realised that he was one of those toxic friends and got the fuck out.

You will never be able to explain yourself to people who are committed to not understanding you.

[Jade Falcon]

I had my endoscopy and colonoscopy a week ago...well, not quite.

The one down the throat went ok, though a week later I still have a sore throat and I was gagging instantly.

The other one, the laxative didn't work and they had to do a preliinary probe to see if everything was clear, and it turns out it wasn't.  Even only slightly in was extremely uncomfortable and I have been feeling poorly since.

I got a phone call trying to reschedule for another one and.....I REALLY don't want it but the phone call keeps pressuring you.  Hell, I heard a doctors name mentioned and was told this was the guy at hospital who had referred me for a colonoscopy, why the hell is this the first time I am hearing that?  I really don't want this again as the little bit was bad enough.  I know somethings apparently wrong but surely there must be another way.

[Rara Avis]

Jade these things are unpleasant but worthwhile. It's only a few moments of discomfort. You can do this.