The Black Dog Thread

[paddykafka]

Thanks all ... it helps to be able to spout in a safe space.

Thoughts and best wishes to you and all our fellow Squaxx who are going through tough times.

[Jade Falcon]

I'm finding myself in a major emotional slump again.

I just can't seem to get a good healthy sleep pattern going. The house is a tip and has been for months. Every time I vow to tidy up I get a short burst of energy and then feel emotionally and physically drained.  Tidying up isn't helped by the fact that bin collection isn't that great.

I'm also not particularly enjoying parts of my new work at the hospice charity. The management are great, but one volunteer has declared that they and they only are in charge of the books, and they aren't in at the same day as me. The reason given is that the books are a mess, that's not down to me, it's customers coming in and leaving them lying all over the place.

I'm finding it hard to focus and feel so damned alone and really don't want to go on. Add to that that I badly twisted my ankle about three weeks ago and it is still painful. I don't feel there's any use seeing the doctor or trying mental health after a less than positive experience. I'm even finding it difficult to focus on reading, I've got about four or five of the 2000ad books still sealed.

I got a final reminder in yesterday to tax my car and I had to go looking for the logbook. While doing that I came across an envelope with a pile of birth, death and marriage certificates for myself and my parents. Perhaps unwisely I ended up looking at my mum's death certificate and seeing truly for the first time what the cause of death was, I'm still not sure I understand.

Result, all over my flat is still a mess and I want to tackle it but lack the will, the energy to do it because I feel what's it all for. At the end of the day tidy or messy my life is still a waste and meaningless. I remember an argument I had with a former friend. He kept throwing insults my way 'for fun' and I just wouldn't take it any more. This was about 20 years ago, he said back then I'd be a lonely sad b*****d and it seems he was right. I just don't know what else to say at the moment.

[The Legendary Shark]

Try breaking the house-tidying into smaller bits, one area or job at a time, so you're not faced with doing the whole place all at once. One step at a time. Maybe start by giving yourself an hour one or two days a week, once you start seeing results it'll encourage you to add another hour here and there - and treat yourself once your hour is done. Might help.

[Funt Solo]

Hi Jade - sorry to hear you twisted your ankle. I injured my knee a couple of years ago and it's still giving me trouble. I'm also taking a break (I assume a short one) from reading my 2000AD's. I found myself just drifting into other things. Figure I'll get back to them at some point. I seem to recall that Jayzus said he was off his 2000 AD a while back as well.

[Jade Falcon]

Try breaking the house-tidying into smaller bits, one area or job at a time, so you're not faced with doing the whole place all at once. One step at a time. Maybe start by giving yourself an hour one or two days a week, once you start seeing results it'll encourage you to add another hour here and there - and treat yourself once your hour is done. Might help.

That's the thing, I can spend a while on it, and it seems as if I make absolutely no progress.  I realise that attitude is counter productive, but that's how it is.  I just am sick of life in general, I see no way forward.  As mentioned before I was on the mental health team and a mental health nurse, neither proved to be much use.  The nurse especially was very condescending.

The experience in the Hospice shop is discouraging as well.  This woman who has set herself up as the authority doesn't actually seem to do much and its totally illogical if there is a huge gap in the shelf and stuff sitting in the back doing nothing.

I went to my model club tonight but nearly didn't, I didn't really feel like it but decided to force myself. 

[The Legendary Shark]

I've been where you are, Jade, truly. For almost a decade.

In the end I decided that waiting for the authorities to help was the biggest waste of my time imaginable and took control of myself. It's a very daunting thing to do and a very hard thing to do but I did it and haven't looked back. I know this doesn't help you much but it does demonstrate that there is a productive way out and I'm sure you'll find yours. The first step, in my experience, is to discard all thoughts of what other people might think your life is worth and to value it for yourself, on your own terms. Never forget that you are a being of infinite worth and potential and that the meaning of your life needn't be objective. One has to find one's own meaning and not give a f*ck about how other people measure such things (unless they chime with one's own views and needs, in which case simply fold them in to one's personal philosophy).

And congratulations on going to your model club, that's a Big Win for you at this stage.

[Rara Avis]

The fact that you are cleaning at all and are now back in a workplace setting is huge progress on where you were a few months back so although things seem overwhelming you actually are making progress.

It may seem like you're getting nowhere (with the cleaning) but even twenty to thirty minutes a day will lead to a huge improvement over time - keep it up!

Re: the work issue: try not to get hyper focused on this, ultimately it's just stressing you out and you have enough on your plate.

It's worrying to hear you say you see no way forward. I think maybe in the past you had an idea about what a successful future meant to you and now you're here in the future and things haven't worked out as planned. Instead of accepting this as some sort of failure on your part maybe try re-imagining your idea of success. As Picard said you can do everything right and still fail - this is not weakness; this is life. What kind of life can you imagine for yourself where you are alone but content?

[Jade Falcon]

Re: the work issue: try not to get hyper focused on this, ultimately it's just stressing you out and you have enough on your plate.

It's worrying to hear you say you see no way forward. I think maybe in the past you had an idea about what a successful future meant to you and now you're here in the future and things haven't worked out as planned. Instead of accepting this as some sort of failure on your part maybe try re-imagining your idea of success. As Picard said you can do everything right and still fail - this is not weakness; this is life. What kind of life can you imagine for yourself where you are alone but content?

The thing that gets me about the work side is that the one who has set herself up as the one in charge doesn't really know her stuff.  She lets excess stock build up in the back till its piled up disorganised and is nearly dangerous.  It makes no sense if the bookshelf is half empty and there is stuff there to put out and she doesn't want anyone else to do it.

As to personal life, that's the thing that's getting me.  I just can't look forward to a life on my own, I don't find myself having as much pleasure in the things I used to do at home alone like reading or using the computer.

[Rara Avis]

I know, it's really frustrating working with someone who's process makes no sense but it's not worth getting worked up over. If you can't make improvements there find something else to put your energy into. That whole thing about you can't control people but you can can control how you react to them. Maybe make it a long term goal ?

But you have to.

I'm not saying that you'll never meet someone and get your happily ever after, I genuinely wish that you, but it may not be on the cards for a while. In the meantime you can work on building a life for yourself that you are happy with and when you finally meet someone you'll have a lot to offer them.

What are women looking for? At the most basic level, women are looking for men that can take care of themselves so a man that can cook, cleans his house and takes care of himself (showers daily and wears clean well fitted clothes).

If you only focused on these three things you may start to feel better about yourself and your life and you can figure out the next bit when you're ready.

Not enjoying things you used to is a symptom of depression so don't worry you will enjoy your old hobbies again.

[Jade Falcon]

The continuing tribulations noisy neighbours. 

This was the second complaint I put in.  Apparently he didn't realise that he was making noise, but stomping across the floor like a yeti on steroids is ridiculous. EVERY goddamn door including internal doors and windows gets slammed shut.  He has a kid that runs around for hours on end and there are times the hoover is on about 3 or 4 times a week, the washing machine on late at night.

I am starting to think this is being done quite deliberately.

[The Legendary Shark]

Keep a log for future reference.

[Barrington Boots]

Really sorry to hear you have neighbour issues Jade. I had problems with noisy neighbours in my old place. In the end we took the decision to sell the house and take a massive financial hit - not solely down to noise levels - but Shark's advice is good, try and log the incidents if you can, especially if you are reporting this to a third party. The more detailed log the better.

I don't know your neighbours, but based on my experience they may not be deliberately antagonising you, just ignorant. My old neighbours would offer apologies if challenged, but it never stopped their behaviour because they were unthinking. I've also had a complaint about me - many years ago my brother and I shared a flat and our neighbour below worked shifts and hated us putting our washing machine on. We weren't doing anything wrong (we had to wash our clothes sometimes) but when they spoke to us, we agreed to try and do our washing at specific times to help them out. I'm not sure if you can speak to your neighbours or if it is too far gone?

[paddykafka]

As some folk on this board will be aware of, I had my own horrible experience with noisy neighbours a couple of years back. (It only ended - after five months of unbridled misery! - when the wretched creature responsible for most of the trouble, fell down the stairs drunk and broke a bone in her neck, thus putting a stop to her gallop.)

So I can empathise completely with you, Jade.

In addition to endorsing what Sharky and Barrington Boots have suggested, I would also advise you to contact your local Citizen's Advice / Information centre, to find out what options - however limited - you might have in dealing with this problem. I presume that will depend on your own circumstances, as in, whether you are renting or own your home; whether your neighbours are living in private or council housing etc.

I wish you all the best and hope that your problem will be resolved soon.

[Jade Falcon]

Well this is the second time I reported him.  With the depression and other anxiety issues I don't feel up to a personal confrontation.  I am with a housing association and I did say that I wasn't sure if it was malice or accidental as basically I didn't know if he had carpeting or instead had vinyl or laminate flooring.  Apparently he says he couldn't afford flooring (but can afford a big TV). He said he would make an effort but after a couple of days back to what it was like before.  There is NO need to slam windows shut, or to do the same with doors like linen cupboards.  I excuse noise with the hoover to an extent because unlike say a TV or music system there is no volume control, and that doesn't last long anyway.

Someone suggested moving, but I don't see why I should.  Secondly, as I'm on my own I'd have to wait for a vacant property or an exchange and the chances are I would be in another flat, possibly one not even as good, or worse.

[Funt Solo]

My wife's been using mold-able wax earplugs to drown out the noise of the busy road near our house. A bit cheaper than noise-canceling headphones, but a bit more effective than normal sponge earplugs.