Biscuits

[Funt Solo]

Bourbon's have an unfair popularity based mostly on what they've been packaged with.

We can all agree that Jammie Dodgers aren't even in the running.

Jaffa Cakes, obs, don't count - because they're legally cakes.

Tunnock's Caramel Wafers are good - but they're edging pretty close to being chocolate bars.

Has to be the milk chocolate digestive - dunked in hot tea.

[Colin MacNeil]

Tim Tams!

Especially when consumed as a Tim Tam slammer.

Best biscuit in the world!

[Funt Solo]

Tim Tam slammer

How To Do The Tim Tam Slam

[rogue69]

Everyone has forgotten one of the greatest bicsuits from any kids party, the Party Ring

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

I call foul. Clubs aren't biscuits, they're chocolate bars with biscuit in them, like a Twix.

Jaffa Cakes, obs, don't count - because they're legally cakes.

THEN WHY ARE THEY ON THE SAME SHELF AS THE BISCUITS? You shouldn't trust the word of corporate lawyers fiddling with definitions for tax purposes.

I fear I may be derailing this thread with semantics early doors. In my defense this is the internet, shitlords. People on the internet argue whether a Hot Dog is a sandwich. I asked the head chef at a sophisticated restaurant what he thought, and he said " HOW THE FUCK DID THIS FUCKING IDIOT GET IN MY FUCKING KITCHEN!?!" Chefs (cheves?) swear a lot.

Has to be the milk chocolate digestive - dunked in hot tea.

Ah here now, I've seen this a couple of times. If we're judging by accompaniments, I would put forward cream crackers. They go with every cheese.

The real answer, however, is shortbread.

Which, despite the name, isn't bread.

This is a feckin minefield lads.

If we're not careful this thread could be the one that kills the forum forever.

[Jim_Campbell]

THEN WHY ARE THEY ON THE SAME SHELF AS THE BISCUITS? You shouldn't trust the word of corporate lawyers fiddling with definitions for tax purposes.

No... in the case of Jaffa Cakes, it's science. Biscuits go soft/soggy when they go past their best. Cakes go stale and dry out. Jaffa Cakes do the latter, not the former, and are therefore cakes.

(My wife has worked in some monstrously complex VAT-compliance roles for a number of years. Trust me, I know more about this than, frankly, I'd care to in an ideal world.)

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

Well when I asked the head scientist at a very prestigious sciencatorium what he thought about it, he said " HOW THE FUCK DID THIS FUCKING IDIOT GET IN MY FUCKING LABORATORY!?!" Scientists swear a lot.

[The Legendary Shark]

Hmmm, I forgot about ginger nuts...

[The Legendary Shark]

I contacted Sir Duncan Penguin, the incumbent Minister for Tiffin, and he said that the official line puts Sunakakes (a kind of bland, formless blob of a dried cardboard-like substance coated in sixteen different kinds of sugar) as the Absolute Bestest Biscuit Ever.

Lord Archibald Thrusting, Grand High Knight Solar of the Ancient and Venerable Order of Master Biscuiteers, claims that the One True Best Biscuit is kept in a secret ceramic vault guarded by enlarged weasels, the location of which is known by only a handful of ancient fishmongers, the identities of whom are known only to Kevin, Lord Thrusting's trusted Stoolmaster.

Professor Gloria Bunt of the Applied Biscuitology Department at NASA said that the best biscuit ever was the Garibaldi Paste invented for the Space Shuttle astronauts. She further added that, although a marvel of biscuitology, the paste tasted like roadkill sprayed with acid and caused a really rather spectacular form of projectile diarrhoea, and that she prefers a plain digestive.

The World Health Organization's Secretary of Global Biscuitage, Louis-Ahaha Montabonka, said that biscuits are the tool of Satan and that he will not rest until every biscuity crumb has been eradicated from the face of the cosmos. Only then, he said, would the world be safe from Martian fungi. He did, however, admit a fondness for flapjack, which may not count and may therefore be all right.

Raani Hoop, editor of Biscuiting Monthly, said that all biscuits are equally scrummy and that she simply can't decide which one's the best. She was certain about one thing, though, "Coffee cremes are unspeakably nasty."

Finally, in the hope of getting a definitive answer, I contacted the King. His Majesty opined that the best biscuit ever is the one he'll be nibbling while he watches me dancing on the end of a rope. Rude.

[NapalmKev]

Hmmm, I forgot about ginger nuts...

A biscuit to be proud of!

Dark Chocolate digestives are the apex of biscuits!

Cheers

[sheridan]

Milk chocolate oaties.  (the branded version being called hobnobs).  I know dark chocolate is healthier, but it doesn't compare to milk chocolate oaties dunked in a hot beverage of your choice.

[JohnW]

If we're not careful this thread could be the one that kills the forum forever.

Maybe so.
But have you never heard the term "blaze of glory"?

[Funt Solo]

Talking of tea, and the phrase "that's as much use as a chocolate teapot"...

British scientists (gawd bless 'em) put that to the test: Chocolate teapot proves useful

(In Yorkshire, naturally.)

[Rara Avis]

I don't know what's worse. The cowardly custard creamer, or the coward who lets a cowardly custard creamer decide for him.

Can we ban this guy? 

The correct answer is the custard cream; it's got it all ( pleasant buttery biscuit with a good crumb, smooth and well proportioned filling and size remains unchanged since forever).

Club Mint is a fine biscuit but the chocolate to biscuit ratio has declined severely over the past few years. It's a shadow of its former self. However regarding the king, nay Emperor, of biscuits the humble custard cream ; absolutely no one could say that it's beauty has been diminished by the passage of time.

[Funt Solo]

No love for biscuits named after revolutionaries?