I have an idea of how I want the character to develop. Essentially, this is a flashback to how his power develops. What I have in mind for him takes place when he is a young adult. There may be other manifestations of his power during his formative years but really the story begins to take shape when is all growed up.
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#257
Creative Common / Re: Short script needs an artist
14 May, 2010, 11:42:50 AM
Thanks for all the feedback guys. I have gone back through the script and removed most of the overt direction but what about the description? Does too much affect the direction of the artist? I don't know how to fix that without hurting the script.
#258
Creative Common / Re: Short script needs an artist
13 May, 2010, 09:11:07 PM
Cheers. Yeah, I am very open to suggestions on how to improve it, either from an artist's standpoint or from any other writers who are reading.
As to leaving it where it ends at the moment, I have plans for the character and really this is just an origin. I wanted to get some feedback on the set up before I started writing anything too in depth.
As to leaving it where it ends at the moment, I have plans for the character and really this is just an origin. I wanted to get some feedback on the set up before I started writing anything too in depth.
#259
Creative Common / Re: Short script needs an artist
13 May, 2010, 09:04:04 PM
Thanks for the feedback. I agree that I am guilty of over direction. I think its down to frustration that I can see how I want something to look in my head but will never be able to translate into a drawing. In the future, I'll try to tone it down a bit.
#260
Creative Common / Short script needs an artist
13 May, 2010, 08:29:12 PM
Hey, just finished writing a short origin story and I'm looking to develop it. I'm pretty happy with it as it is, though I may tweak some of the dialogue, but I am looking for an artist with time on their hands who might want to draw it. This is my first full, completed script so I am a bit lost as to what to do with it now. Anyway, I'll post it here and see what folks think and whether or not anyone is interested in bringing it to life.
Hope you all enjoy:
PAGE 1 PANEL 1
Long horizontal panel. Establishing frame. We are in a typical suburb of a small town. Nice, detached houses line the street. Average to expensive looking cars sit on the road, shaded by leafy green trees. In the distance, sitting in the middle of the tarmac, is a silhouetted figure. In the next frame we will see that this is Adam Jones, our protagonist.
ADAM CAPTION
Childhood is a funny thing.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
The things we remember most about it are usually the most terrible.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
Sadness. Anger. Pain...
PAGE 1 PANEL 2
Long horizontal panel. Now we see Adam; a 10 year old boy with bright blonde hair and blue eyes. He is sitting in the middle of the road, clutching his leg. He is bleeding from a gash on his knee.
ADAM
Muuummmyyy!!!!!!
THE NEXT THREE PANELS SHOULD RUN ALONGSIDE EACH OTHER, SHOWING THE DEGRADATION OF THE SURROUNDING TREES AND CARS.
PAGE 1 PANEL 3
We are still close in on Adam. He is crying with pain, looking around for his mother. Behind him is a blue car and above that is a healthy green tree. A squirrel has run into the frame. Adam is crying.
ADAM
<sniff> Mummy?
PAGE 1 PANEL 4
The same scene but with the damage emanating from Adam becoming apparent. The tree is starting to die; its leaves are falling off and branches are beginning to gnarl. The car is beginning to rust from blue to brown. The squirrel has died.
ADAM CAPTION
Those moments crystallize in our subconscious. They shape our identity.
PAGE 1 PANEL 5
The same scene once again, but this time the tree is completely dead, the car rusted beyond repair. The dead squirrel has burst into flames. Adam is still crying but now out of shock more than pain.
ADAM CAPTION
Those moments are the making of us.
PAGE 2 PANEL 1
Close up of Adam's mother, Emily. She is turning toward the sound of her son's cries. The sun is shining behind her, illuminating her hair.
EMILY
Adam?
ADAM CAPTION
A sequence of ordinary events, so trivial and yet so pivotal, can lead to great things.
PAGE 2 PANEL 2
Emily is running toward Adam. She is the f/g of the frame, Adam, still on the road, is in the b/g.
EMILY
Adam! Mummy's coming!
ADAM CAPTION
I never knew my mother. Kids never do.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
I mean, I remember her. I loved her but I never knew her.
PAGE 2 PANEL 3
Emily has almost reached Adam but she has had to stop. She is nauseous and is leaning against the rusted car while she vomits. She hasn't noticed that the sphere of destruction is emanating from her son.
EMILY
Mummy's... <cough>
EMILY (CONT'D)
Mummy's coming!
PAGE 2 PANEL 4
Emily's hand actually breaks through the brittle, rusted metal of the car's bonnet. She is confused but determined to get to her son.
EMILY
What the hell?
PAGE 2 PANEL 5
Emily has finally reached Adam. She cradles him in her arms but she is clearly in great pain. There are beads of sweat on her forehead and blood by the corner of her mouth. Adam is looking up at her in fear.
EMILY
Shhh. It's alright now. I've got you.
ADAM
Mummy? I don't feel so good.
ADAM CAPTION
None of that matters anymore. She's gone now...
THE THREE PANELS ON THIS PAGE SHOULD FLOW DIAGONALLY ACROSS THE PAGE FROM TOP LEFT TO BOTTOM RIGHT. PANELS 1 AND 2 SHOULD BE SET OUT AS INSETS IN THE LARGER PANEL 3. PANEL 3 SHOULD TAKE UP AROUND TWO THIRDS OF THE TOTAL SPACE ON THE PAGE.
PAGE 3 PANEL 1
Emily is still cradling Adam. He is looking up at her. She is beginning to disintegrate. Her skin is peeling, her hair falling out. Blood is weeping from her eyes, nose and mouth.
EMILY (SCREAMING)
Aaaaahh!
PAGE 3 PANEL 2
The same scene but Emily's disintegration has continued. Now her skin is flaking away, revealing portions of her skeleton. Part of her skull is exposed and the bones in her hands and arms are beginning to appear. Her clothes are beginning to smolder.
EMILY
AAAAAAAGGHH!
PAGE 3 PANEL 3
The same scene again but now Emily is nothing more than a skeleton. Her clothes have ignited and are burning away. Adam is terrified. His mother is dead.
ADAM CAPTION
The wind took her from me.
PAGE 4 PANEL 1
Adam is getting up from the road as his mother's remains blow away in the wind. Next to him is a pathetic heap of blackened bones and some smoldering cloth. Down the street, people are coming out of their homes to find out where the screams have been coming from.
PAGE 4 PANEL 2
Worm's eye view. In the f/g Adam is looking down the street toward the gathering crowd. We can see that the destruction has only reached a few metres from where he is standing.
ADAM
Stay away!
CROWD
What's going on down there?
CROWD (CONT'D)
Come on son, let's get you home.
CROWD (CONT'D)
What the hell happened to my car?
PAGE 4 PANEL 3
Aerial view. We can see Adam in the centre of a burnt and blackened circle. Everything within it has been damaged in some way. At the outermost edges of it, the crowd has gathered.
ADAM CAPTION
I've never known what happened that day. The only thing I know for sure...
PAGE 4 PANEL 4
Close up of Adam as he throws his head back. He is screaming in anguish and rage. There are smudges of his mother's ashes on his face but he is completely unharmed.
ADAM
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
PAGE 4 PANEL 5
A wide shot, taking in the crowd. They are frightened of what is happening and some are trying to run. The fringes of the frame are beginning to bleed a bright white light. The crowd shrieks in horror and pain.
ADAM CAPTION
...It's getting worse.
PAGE 4 PANEL 5
The crowd are almost lost in the whiteness except for the outlines of their skeletons. They have been incinerated in the blast.
PAGE 4 PANEL 6
The frame is filled with the white light. Total destruction.
PAGE 5 PANEL 1
Long horizontal panel. An aerial shot of the street. Adam lies in the foetal position next to the ruined car. There are wisps of smoke billowing into the frame.
ADAM CAPTION
I lost my family that day.
PAGE 5 PANEL 2
Long horizontal panel. Aerial shot. Further away this time. Now we see the destruction Adam has caused has spread much further than it had reached originally. Cars haven't just rusted, they've been blown down the street and completely destroyed.
ADAM CAPTION
My friends. My home. But I found something that made up for them all.
PAGE 5 PANEL 3
Long horizontal panel. Aerial shot. Much further out this time. Now we can see that a large portion of the town has been destroyed. Every living thing in the band of destruction has been obliterated.
ADAM CAPTION
Purpose.
So, whaddya think?
Hope you all enjoy:
PAGE 1 PANEL 1
Long horizontal panel. Establishing frame. We are in a typical suburb of a small town. Nice, detached houses line the street. Average to expensive looking cars sit on the road, shaded by leafy green trees. In the distance, sitting in the middle of the tarmac, is a silhouetted figure. In the next frame we will see that this is Adam Jones, our protagonist.
ADAM CAPTION
Childhood is a funny thing.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
The things we remember most about it are usually the most terrible.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
Sadness. Anger. Pain...
PAGE 1 PANEL 2
Long horizontal panel. Now we see Adam; a 10 year old boy with bright blonde hair and blue eyes. He is sitting in the middle of the road, clutching his leg. He is bleeding from a gash on his knee.
ADAM
Muuummmyyy!!!!!!
THE NEXT THREE PANELS SHOULD RUN ALONGSIDE EACH OTHER, SHOWING THE DEGRADATION OF THE SURROUNDING TREES AND CARS.
PAGE 1 PANEL 3
We are still close in on Adam. He is crying with pain, looking around for his mother. Behind him is a blue car and above that is a healthy green tree. A squirrel has run into the frame. Adam is crying.
ADAM
<sniff> Mummy?
PAGE 1 PANEL 4
The same scene but with the damage emanating from Adam becoming apparent. The tree is starting to die; its leaves are falling off and branches are beginning to gnarl. The car is beginning to rust from blue to brown. The squirrel has died.
ADAM CAPTION
Those moments crystallize in our subconscious. They shape our identity.
PAGE 1 PANEL 5
The same scene once again, but this time the tree is completely dead, the car rusted beyond repair. The dead squirrel has burst into flames. Adam is still crying but now out of shock more than pain.
ADAM CAPTION
Those moments are the making of us.
PAGE 2 PANEL 1
Close up of Adam's mother, Emily. She is turning toward the sound of her son's cries. The sun is shining behind her, illuminating her hair.
EMILY
Adam?
ADAM CAPTION
A sequence of ordinary events, so trivial and yet so pivotal, can lead to great things.
PAGE 2 PANEL 2
Emily is running toward Adam. She is the f/g of the frame, Adam, still on the road, is in the b/g.
EMILY
Adam! Mummy's coming!
ADAM CAPTION
I never knew my mother. Kids never do.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
I mean, I remember her. I loved her but I never knew her.
PAGE 2 PANEL 3
Emily has almost reached Adam but she has had to stop. She is nauseous and is leaning against the rusted car while she vomits. She hasn't noticed that the sphere of destruction is emanating from her son.
EMILY
Mummy's... <cough>
EMILY (CONT'D)
Mummy's coming!
PAGE 2 PANEL 4
Emily's hand actually breaks through the brittle, rusted metal of the car's bonnet. She is confused but determined to get to her son.
EMILY
What the hell?
PAGE 2 PANEL 5
Emily has finally reached Adam. She cradles him in her arms but she is clearly in great pain. There are beads of sweat on her forehead and blood by the corner of her mouth. Adam is looking up at her in fear.
EMILY
Shhh. It's alright now. I've got you.
ADAM
Mummy? I don't feel so good.
ADAM CAPTION
None of that matters anymore. She's gone now...
THE THREE PANELS ON THIS PAGE SHOULD FLOW DIAGONALLY ACROSS THE PAGE FROM TOP LEFT TO BOTTOM RIGHT. PANELS 1 AND 2 SHOULD BE SET OUT AS INSETS IN THE LARGER PANEL 3. PANEL 3 SHOULD TAKE UP AROUND TWO THIRDS OF THE TOTAL SPACE ON THE PAGE.
PAGE 3 PANEL 1
Emily is still cradling Adam. He is looking up at her. She is beginning to disintegrate. Her skin is peeling, her hair falling out. Blood is weeping from her eyes, nose and mouth.
EMILY (SCREAMING)
Aaaaahh!
PAGE 3 PANEL 2
The same scene but Emily's disintegration has continued. Now her skin is flaking away, revealing portions of her skeleton. Part of her skull is exposed and the bones in her hands and arms are beginning to appear. Her clothes are beginning to smolder.
EMILY
AAAAAAAGGHH!
PAGE 3 PANEL 3
The same scene again but now Emily is nothing more than a skeleton. Her clothes have ignited and are burning away. Adam is terrified. His mother is dead.
ADAM CAPTION
The wind took her from me.
PAGE 4 PANEL 1
Adam is getting up from the road as his mother's remains blow away in the wind. Next to him is a pathetic heap of blackened bones and some smoldering cloth. Down the street, people are coming out of their homes to find out where the screams have been coming from.
PAGE 4 PANEL 2
Worm's eye view. In the f/g Adam is looking down the street toward the gathering crowd. We can see that the destruction has only reached a few metres from where he is standing.
ADAM
Stay away!
CROWD
What's going on down there?
CROWD (CONT'D)
Come on son, let's get you home.
CROWD (CONT'D)
What the hell happened to my car?
PAGE 4 PANEL 3
Aerial view. We can see Adam in the centre of a burnt and blackened circle. Everything within it has been damaged in some way. At the outermost edges of it, the crowd has gathered.
ADAM CAPTION
I've never known what happened that day. The only thing I know for sure...
PAGE 4 PANEL 4
Close up of Adam as he throws his head back. He is screaming in anguish and rage. There are smudges of his mother's ashes on his face but he is completely unharmed.
ADAM
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
PAGE 4 PANEL 5
A wide shot, taking in the crowd. They are frightened of what is happening and some are trying to run. The fringes of the frame are beginning to bleed a bright white light. The crowd shrieks in horror and pain.
ADAM CAPTION
...It's getting worse.
PAGE 4 PANEL 5
The crowd are almost lost in the whiteness except for the outlines of their skeletons. They have been incinerated in the blast.
PAGE 4 PANEL 6
The frame is filled with the white light. Total destruction.
PAGE 5 PANEL 1
Long horizontal panel. An aerial shot of the street. Adam lies in the foetal position next to the ruined car. There are wisps of smoke billowing into the frame.
ADAM CAPTION
I lost my family that day.
PAGE 5 PANEL 2
Long horizontal panel. Aerial shot. Further away this time. Now we see the destruction Adam has caused has spread much further than it had reached originally. Cars haven't just rusted, they've been blown down the street and completely destroyed.
ADAM CAPTION
My friends. My home. But I found something that made up for them all.
PAGE 5 PANEL 3
Long horizontal panel. Aerial shot. Much further out this time. Now we can see that a large portion of the town has been destroyed. Every living thing in the band of destruction has been obliterated.
ADAM CAPTION
Purpose.
So, whaddya think?
#261
Creative Common / Re: General Writing Discussion
13 May, 2010, 07:38:55 PM
Will do. Not sure how to do it exactly but I'll give it a shot. 
#262
Creative Common / Re: General Writing Discussion
13 May, 2010, 06:26:27 PM
Cheers for the responses guys. I've got the bulk of the script done now. I just need to flesh out the dialogue and tweak some of the description. When it's done, which would be the best way of putting it up on the boards? Should it stay in here or should I start a new thread for it?
#263
Creative Common / Re: General Writing Discussion
13 May, 2010, 12:41:53 PM
I just reread my last post and realised that it doesn't really give anything away at all. I'm pretty happy with my first page at the moment, so I'll post that here. (If that's a problem, or if this the wrong thread for that, let me know and I'll remove it). Anyway, here is the first page of The Apocalypse Child (apologies for the formatting, the original is done in Final Draft and is fully formatted):
PAGE 1 PANEL 1
Long horizontal panel. Establishing frame. We are in a typical suburb of a small town. Nice, detached houses line the street. Average to expensive looking cars sit on the road, shaded by leafy green trees. In the distance, sitting in the middle of the tarmac, is a silhouetted figure. In the next frame we will see that this is Adam Jones, our protagonist.
ADAM CAPTION
Childhood is a funny thing.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
The things we remember most about it are usually the most terrible.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
Sadness. Anger. Pain...
PAGE 1 PANEL 2
Long horizontal panel. Now we see Adam; a 10 year old boy with bright blonde hair and blue eyes. He is sitting in the middle of the road, clutching his leg. He is bleeding from a gash on his knee.
ADAM
Muuummmyyy!!!!!!
THE NEXT THREE PANELS SHOULD RUN ALONGSIDE EACH OTHER, SHOWING THE DEGRADATION OF THE SURROUNDING TREES AND CARS.
PAGE 1 PANEL 3
We are still close in on Adam. He is crying with pain, looking around for his mother. Behind him is a blue car and above that is a healthy green tree. A squirrel has run into the frame. Adam is crying.
ADAM
<sniff> Mummy?
PAGE 1 PANEL 4
The same scene but with the destruction becoming apparent. The tree is starting to die; its leaves are falling off and branches are beginning to gnarl. The car is beginning to rust from blue to brown. The squirrel has died.
ADAM CAPTION
Those moments crystallize in our subconscious. They shape our identity.
PAGE 1 PANEL 5
The same scene once again, but this time the tree is completely dead, the car rusted beyond repair. The dead squirrel has burst into flames. Adam is still crying but now out of shock more than pain.
ADAM CAPTION
Those moments are the making of us.
PAGE 1 PANEL 1
Long horizontal panel. Establishing frame. We are in a typical suburb of a small town. Nice, detached houses line the street. Average to expensive looking cars sit on the road, shaded by leafy green trees. In the distance, sitting in the middle of the tarmac, is a silhouetted figure. In the next frame we will see that this is Adam Jones, our protagonist.
ADAM CAPTION
Childhood is a funny thing.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
The things we remember most about it are usually the most terrible.
ADAM CAPTION (CONT'D)
Sadness. Anger. Pain...
PAGE 1 PANEL 2
Long horizontal panel. Now we see Adam; a 10 year old boy with bright blonde hair and blue eyes. He is sitting in the middle of the road, clutching his leg. He is bleeding from a gash on his knee.
ADAM
Muuummmyyy!!!!!!
THE NEXT THREE PANELS SHOULD RUN ALONGSIDE EACH OTHER, SHOWING THE DEGRADATION OF THE SURROUNDING TREES AND CARS.
PAGE 1 PANEL 3
We are still close in on Adam. He is crying with pain, looking around for his mother. Behind him is a blue car and above that is a healthy green tree. A squirrel has run into the frame. Adam is crying.
ADAM
<sniff> Mummy?
PAGE 1 PANEL 4
The same scene but with the destruction becoming apparent. The tree is starting to die; its leaves are falling off and branches are beginning to gnarl. The car is beginning to rust from blue to brown. The squirrel has died.
ADAM CAPTION
Those moments crystallize in our subconscious. They shape our identity.
PAGE 1 PANEL 5
The same scene once again, but this time the tree is completely dead, the car rusted beyond repair. The dead squirrel has burst into flames. Adam is still crying but now out of shock more than pain.
ADAM CAPTION
Those moments are the making of us.
#264
Creative Common / Re: General Writing Discussion
13 May, 2010, 11:25:00 AM
Essentially, it is an origin script. I think when it's finished it will be five pages. I'm not sure where it would be suitable. I don't think it stands on its own enough to be acceptable for Future Shocks. It's about a child who discovers he has incredibly destructive powers. In this origin story, it is the first time they manifest themselves.
#265
Creative Common / Re: General Writing Discussion
13 May, 2010, 12:04:16 AM
Ah, the obvious answers are always the best 
I just figured as I am new around here that I would be better off finding someone to draw my first script, show it to folks and see if they would be interested in helping me with something in the future. Don't like to impose...
I just figured as I am new around here that I would be better off finding someone to draw my first script, show it to folks and see if they would be interested in helping me with something in the future. Don't like to impose...
#266
Creative Common / Re: General Writing Discussion
12 May, 2010, 11:38:20 PM
I've finally come up with what I think is a good idea for a strip (been dealing with some pretty hardcore writers block for a while). Anyway, I'm in the process of writing the script but I was wondering what the best way you guys have found of finding an artist? Unfortunately, I am limited to stick men so doing the art myself is out.
#267
Help! / Re: Dredd's vices...
29 November, 2009, 05:35:16 PM
Am I right in saying that the Judges in Brit-Cit and Cal-Hab are allowed to drink (and not just the ones who are undercover).
#268
Help! / Re: Dredd's vices...
26 November, 2009, 02:01:38 PM
I didn't realise that. Not sure if that would fit into the story as it is though. Definitely something to remember. Cheers!
#269
Help! / Re: Dredd's vices...
26 November, 2009, 01:32:56 PM
Haha you read that? No just set in a bar. That first script was just to see if I was using enough description etc (plus its set in the present day).
#270
Help! / Re: Dredd's vices...
26 November, 2009, 02:57:13 AM
I'm now thinking of setting my script in Brit-Cit or Cal-Hab. Both of these locations allow their Judges to drink (am I right in saying that). Not to excess you understand, but just to get them into a situation where alcohol is freely available. That doesn't spit in the eye of established canon does it?