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Cloudbusting: Feedback requested on 3 page strip

Started by The Enigmatic Dr X, 11 November, 2010, 07:41:26 PM

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Cthulouis

Just got round to reading this, and I liked it a lot.

I like scripts that bombard you with ideas in a tight space, I often find a lot of future shocks are spread out over too much space.

Here is what I got out of it:

Alien and robot seem to be moving in, to save Earth from alien criminal. They stop the alien, who it would then seem is less of a criminal than we have been led to believe; simply a poacher rather than an evil genius. It then turns out that simply because we have been seeing the story from the alien's point of view, doesn't mean we should necessarily take their side, turns out they were here for the exact same reason, and have simply taken out the competition.

I liked the idea of aliens performing proactive archaeology: wiping out cultures so their history is worth more.

I like the idea that recent climate change has been brought about by a long term alien weapon. (Just a thought: if you are thinking of expanding it, maybe the alien could have been seeding humanity with the technology to make the internet and this archive as well.)

Constructive Criticism time:

First panel: Bubble looks like its talking to the craft above.  

Edit. Balls, accidentally posted this before I had finished it, hold on a sec...

Cthulouis

Constructive Criticism time:

First panel: Bubble looks like its talking to the craft above. 
             I did get that there was one alien and one robot here, mainly because of the speech bubbles. You may want to back this up with a closer up shot of these main characters.

Second Panel: I also thought the ship might be about to crash here.

Page three, panel three. "How you doing?" looks like he's talking to the guy behind him. Easily fixed by changing it to "How you doing, Globis?"

Upon re reading it to check these bits, I think the story could do with some more room to establish what is going on in this Cloud archive base, in terms of the slaughter that has just occurred. It's all squashed into the top right corner of page two. This isn't a problem, as it makes sense, but if you are going to expand it, this would be a juicy bit to expand.   

Same goes for the final panel, If you are going to expand the page-count, maybe a bit more room could go into establishing what is going on down on Earth. This might be as simple as having some recognisable continental masses visible through the atmospheric death.

Most of these points have been mentioned before, but it might help to have another opinion. Don't forget that my opinion might all be balls.