Messages

So it really IS a case of 'Big Brother is watching chew'!

heh heh heh heh

Oh dear, quite amused myself there ...

FACT : there is only so many times that a journalist can hear the phrase 'Get off my door step, you f*cking vulture' before gutting their editor like a fish.

"FACT: I'm only twenty four hours from Tulsa"

Aah, but since you can fly more than half way around the world in less than a day, it could mean you live anywhere.

The question is - does Tulsa have an international airport?

I would like to confirm that neither I, nor any member of my family, is, at this moment, in Barcelona. FACT

Supplementary fact: We're not in New York either.

Extra supplementary fact: Nor are we in San Jose. Because we don't know the way.

FACT: The apparently sticky strips on the back of Post It notes are not covered in glue.

The adhesion is caused by millions of microscopic 'necrotising fleshitis' bacteria that are actually trying to eat the surface they are put up against. Hence why you should never, ever put Post It notes on your skin - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!

So long as there is the potential for prizes, this thread will NEVER die! And that's a FACT!!!

FACT We recently launched an appeal to help a little girl who desperately needed a transplant. On the first day we received two calls.

FACT This week we had to miss out the crossword because the compiler's notes were unreadable and he's gone on holiday.
It's 1pm and we've just taken our 30th call about it.

"In Australia there is around ten times as many sheep as there are people. Australia also boasts the lowest record for sexual assault on women"

FACT this post didn't surprise me at all.

FACT No-one has thought to question the living arrangements of the three 'mascots' for Kellogg's Rice Crispies, the aforementioned all-male trio of Snap, Crackle and Pop.

Perhaps it's time someone did.

FACT: In response to Karne's post I laughed out loud in the office and now my boss is watching me like a hawk.

Just attended the funeral of the first soldier killed during combat in the Gulf. They had a ten-gun salute and a piper. Very moving.

I suppose it's a fact, just wanted to say.

If you can't trust top trumps, who can you trust?

Me.

No, actually I'm a liar.

Or am I lying?

Yes.

A fact gleaned from my current profession:

"No comment" rarely means "no comment". It usually means "Hey, you've got me bang to rights but f*** off because I have to phone my lawyer!"

Also, according to this press release I have before me, England and Leeds defender, Danny Mills, has just bought a new Mercedes in Harrogate! (shock news - expensive car dealership sells over-priced motor vehicle to man with lots of money and little sense. I can see it on the front page already!)

The Innit people of North London consider 'bling' and 'ice' to be useful aids to conception, accidental or otherwise

"The Simpsons 'Top Trumps' game scoring is way off and makes a mockery of all that makes Top Trumps a valuable source of protein."

And, in a travesty of everything Top Trumps should be about, they claim Homer Simpson works in Sector G7 of the Springfield Nuclear plant.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

IT'S 7G, YOU FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!! (dreams of happy childhood not playing Top Trumps according to the rules destroyed by flagrant negligence of researchers)

(comforting) FACT:  UK Prime Minister, Rt Hon Tony  Blair, surprised everyone at a recent press conference by declaring that his youngest son, Leo, was the Son of God and earlier that morning had left a revised version of the Book of Job smeared on the inside of his non-disposable nappy. This has been hushed up by the press because, to be honest, stranger things have happened at Downing Street press conferences.