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The Black Dog Thread

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--- Quote from: Funt Solo on 05 November, 2021, 06:29:11 PM ---... But then I feel like a fraud because I'm not that committed or wedded to any particular idea. Anyway - it's proving to be a difficult semester.

--- End quote ---

Funt, I feel your pain my friend.  The last two years were an absolute blessed nightmare one way or another.  Taking the redundancy was the most terrifying thing I ever did considering the commitments I have.

There are still times when I find myself questioning the decision but at the same time stepping away has provided space.  So that darkness that you talk about, that quite a few of us are acquainted with, is lifting slowly.

I know quite a few folks now who have decided that teaching is just not worth it any more.  They've taken the plunge and leapt into far better places.

The biggest challenge though has been pulling together to start the job search process again.  That took an alrighty effort after everything.  Just taking things one step at a time was all I could do.  Eventually it worked out (although Civil Service security vetting is a pain!)

Take care.

 Hope you're OK, Funt. You're one of the good guys. I'll be very happy to chat to you on zoom or whatever if you need to offload.  (I'm part of an online therapy group - I'm not necessarily any GOOD at it, but I'm used to it.)

Jade Falcon:
I must admit to feeling very down lately. The winter months are ones I loathe, and my flat is quite cold. Sleep patterns are getting worse and nothing is giving any satisfaction or glint of happiness any more.

I had someone on from the Jobcentre saying how there's plenty jobs and 'perhaps I should consider retraining' for the nth time, how bloody frustrating.

Life is just holding no appeal with being on my own and no prospect of that changing and the whole Oxfam farce has been the final straw. My model club has started meeting again but I just can't get the energy or motivation to do anything. I just wonder what is the point of it all.

The Legendary Shark:

I quite enjoy the winter. Working outside, as I do, in the cold and the wet and the gales and the frost makes me feel somehow more human; and returning home to my shed, putting the heater on, making a brew and a chicken ding, then sitting back to watch a film or a series, or write something, or draw something, or just sitting and thinking sometimes for hours on end, generally gives me satisfaction. I was wet through and freezing cold when I got in today, but now I'm warm and dry and fed and writing this drivel, and I'm content. I find it's the little things that make me happy. The big things just tend to frustrate and annoy.

As to what the point of it all might be, who knows? People immeasurably smarter than me have been pondering that question forever and we're still no nearer an answer. I suspect that there is no objective point to any of it (what's the point of a stone, or a mountain*, or a planet, or a star, or a galaxy, or a universe?) and that we must each find our own subjective point. I think that the point of my life is simply to live it and experience it - and maybe to write a bit, when I can be arsed. That might not sound very grand or inspirational but it suffices for me.

I learned long ago that I can't change the world as I have neither the power nor the right to do so. The only world I have any power or right to change is my world, and then it's a largely internal change anyway. Maybe that's the point, who knows? Certainly not me. My point is, if I made a point of not doing anything until I figure out what the point is, I'd get to a point where I'd never do anything - and what would be the point of that?

One of the few things I have figured out is that nobody can make me happy, angry, depressed, etc., except me. So when these emotions come up I have to own them and deal with them myself as best I can, sometimes through internal analysis and sometimes through talking about it but most often through a combination of the two. All my emotions are inside me all the time. I just have to learn how to bring out the ones I enjoy and deal with the ones I don't. Which is not easy but by no means impossible.

I know this doesn't help you, Jade, because it's my own subjective view, but maybe you can find some germ of coping in my nonsense that might help you figure out your own path because, in the final analysis, we are each of us on our own and must learn to live with ourselves.

*Yeah, yeah, I know - the point of a mountain is the summit, unless it has a flat top, of course, which makes it doubly pointless.

Funt Solo:
Thanks all for words of support - I'm very lucky to have some helpers around when it feels like I can't quite manage to balance everything out. Mental health issues always remind me of this sketch. (Bit racist, tho.)


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