Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[DaveGYNWA]

I'm never going to see this parcel am I.

Personal experience with Yodel tells me that you should look in the bin, over the neighbour's wall or wait for the person who lives 3 doors down to come and deliver it to you.

[JamesC]

I had a similar experience with Yodel but was told I had to collect the parcel from the depot. The card didn't say where the depot was or what the opening hours were. A bit of Googling revealed the location of the nearest depot but I eventually had to call their head office to find out what times it was open.
Shit service.

[Skullmo]

I needed to collect from the depot. I phoned the head office and they told me that the depot didnt have a phone so they would have to wait for them to respond to an email and then head office would get back to me.

I loled

[Rog69]

I'm never going to see this parcel am I.

Personal experience with Yodel tells me that you should look in the bin, over the neighbour's wall or wait for the person who lives 3 doors down to come and deliver it to you.

It's funny you should say that because apparently a blank card means "We have wedged your package between your wheelie bin and the wall and you won't notice it until you go to put the bin out on Wednesday night when it will drop a meter or so to the floor".

Twats.

[A.Cow]

I don't get the intense hatred some people have for cats - and some people really do hate them with a passion.

Every (and I mean *every*) cat I've ever met has tried to dig its quarter-inch-deep claws into my thighs.  It's a rather painful experience to say the least.

I'm not a nasty person and I don't condone cruelty to animals.  However, I would happily fork-stab any cat that comes within 3 feet of me --  if they're happy to dole out unsolicited incisions then they can sodding well learn what it feels like.  Unfortunately that type of thing is frowned-upon in polite society.


And don't even get me started on dogs with their I'm-going-straight-for-your-knackers-with-my-vice-like-teeth thing.

[DaveGYNWA]

It's funny you should say that because apparently a blank card means "We have wedged your package between your wheelie bin and the wall and you won't notice it until you go to put the bin out on Wednesday night when it will drop a meter or so to the floor".

Twats.

Text book - we've got a couple of deliveries due over the next few days, and I expect they'll be via Yodel. I wonder if they'll ring the door bell this time or just play "Let's assume they're not in and thus avoid the human contact." and then act surprised when they get called back to the house by the person who has been watching them.

[JamesC]

I don't get the intense hatred some people have for cats - and some people really do hate them with a passion.

Every (and I mean *every*) cat I've ever met has tried to dig its quarter-inch-deep claws into my thighs.  It's a rather painful experience to say the least.

I'm not a nasty person and I don't condone cruelty to animals.  However, I would happily fork-stab any cat that comes within 3 feet of me --  if they're happy to dole out unsolicited incisions then they can sodding well learn what it feels like.  Unfortunately that type of thing is frowned-upon in polite society.


And don't even get me started on dogs with their I'm-going-straight-for-your-knackers-with-my-vice-like-teeth thing.

My old cat lived to 21 and never scratched a single person to my knowledge.

[I, Cosh]

Amusing bureaucratic obstacles #411

I recently got a new passport because the chip in my old one was broken. After investigation, they have decided this damage isn't their fault and I need to pay up. (NB Not actually the current impediment.) The letter I have asks me to send a cheque or postal order but, as it's not the 19th Century I can phone a number in Newport to pay by card...

"Hi. I'd like (too strong a word) to pay this invoice please."
- "Oh, we can't take payments here."
"Hmm. This number is on the letter to call to make a payment."
- "Yes. We used to deal with that here but it's all been transferred to Liverpool."
"Ah. Okay. Can you put me through to them then?"
- "No."
"Well, can you give me the number."
- "No."
"...."
- "We can't give out telephone numbers of other departments."
"Em... But... OK. Let's see if I've got this right. I received a letter with your number."
- "Yes"
"You no longer deal with this work."
- "Yes."
"And, if the letter had been sent after this changeover, it would've had the number for the new team?"
- "Yes."
"So I could contact them to pay this."
- "Yes."
"But you can't give me the number?"
- "No."
"...."
- "If you call the main customer service number and ask them to transfer you through."
"I'm sceptical about this but I don't really have any other option, do I?"

Do
   - Call call centre
   - Explain story
   - Wait for guy (non-gender specific usage) to not be able to find any details
   - Give further details and explain again
   - Guy finds details
   - Get put on hold
   - Get told they can't take the payment directly
   - Tell guy I know that and ask to be put through to someone who can
   - Get told no but they will contact them to call me back (actually told today it could be days!)
   - Sigh theatrically
Loop Until (1=0)

[DaveGYNWA]

Twats.

Still no sign of one of the items we've been expecting, so called the vendor. Item was delivered yesterday seemingly. I'm going outside in a little while to have a look through the recycling bin.

[The Legendary Shark]

Why not invent a kind of box with a one-way slot/flap in it through which large parcels can be inserted, kind of like those night-deposit safes you sometimes see outside banks and post offices? The flap closes and dispenses one numbered/dated Deposit Receipt for Captain Yodel. You could call them Parcel Guardians and sell the idea to somebody for something in order to retire and go and live on an island somewhere.
.

[TordelBack]

My old cat lived to 21 and never scratched a single person to my knowledge.

Sneaky too, eh?

[Rog69]

Why not invent a kind of box with a one-way slot/flap in it through which large parcels can be inserted, kind of like those night-deposit safes you sometimes see outside banks and post offices? The flap closes and dispenses one numbered/dated Deposit Receipt for Captain Yodel. You could call them Parcel Guardians and sell the idea to somebody for something in order to retire and go and live on an island somewhere.
.

That's a grand idea Sharky, I would buy one but it would need to be the size of a builder's skip for yodel drivers to hit from the other side of my garden gate.

My impediment today is that I am a worthless human being. I had to travel to the middle of London today so I parked up and took the tube in. I sat in an end seat because I had a case with me and it meant that I could put it at the side of me and not block the aisle. These are also the seats that are closest to the doors and you are expected to give them up to those who are disabled, Pregnant or travellers with small children.

I sat there spaced out and messing with my phone and not paying attention to the fact that there was a pregnant lady standing right in front of me with her bulge on my eye level, she even had a badge on her bump with the London underground logo and "Baby on Board" on it. I only noticed when the woman sitting next to me offered her seat to her and she sat down next to me.

I am sub-human scum.

[JamesC]

My old cat lived to 21 and never scratched a single person to my knowledge.

Sneaky too, eh?

Ha ha, where's that 'like' button?


Regarding the safe box for parcels, someone presented a device very similar to what Shark describes on Dragon's Den. They didn't secure investment though, I think it was rejected on the 'anyone could copy it' principle.

[Grugz]

My old cat lived to 21 and never scratched a single person to my knowledge.

Sneaky too, eh?

  sneaky added to evil, our old Siamese when I was growing up knew my auntie marion was shit scared of cats,if she was visiting the cat would sneak ninja like onto her knee ,the moment she realised the cat had been sat on her was hilarious!

[ZenArcade]

Bad old puddy tat. Z