Last movie watched...

[Theblazeuk]

One of his kids is a girl who is seventeen years old and a minor, which we know because the film spends a lot of time having characters tell each other this, and then one of them pulls out a page from a law book on the subject of sexual relations with a minor - which he has had laminated and carries around with him - and proceeds to read it aloud to the audience

What?

Coupled with (from Film Critic Hulk, apologies for caps but that is how the Hulk speaks after all)

SO THERE'S THIS PART IN TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION WHERE THE AUTOBOTS SUDDENLY ENCOUNTER A SUPER-LITERAL VAGINA DENTATA ALIEN THAT'S JUST HANGING OUT IN A CAGE. THERE'S NO REASON FOR THIS TO BE HAPPENING ON ANY LEVEL, IT'S JUST CLEARLY STUCK IN FOR SOME MOTIVATIONAL REASON. BUT PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT THE REVEAL OF THE ALIEN'S VAGINA DENTATA-NESS IS NOT SOME PLACID CINEMATIC MOMENT BUT INSTEAD HIGHLY EMPHASIZED. THIS IS CLEAR. THIS IS OVERT. SO THEN THE FAT AUTOBOT (ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS, BY THE WAY) IS SO REVOLTED BY THIS IMAGE THAT IT TELLS THIS WAY-TOO-CLEAR-VAGINA-SYMBOL THAT IT IS "TOO UGLY TO LIVE." THEN THE VAGINA GETS SOME SLIME ON HIM AND THE FAT AUTOBOT COLLAPSES TO THE GROUND AND THINKS HE'S "BURNING." BUT THEN THE FAT AUTOBOT JUST REALIZES IT'S JUST "SHIZZ." SO HE CALLS THE VAGINA-SYMBOL "BITCH" AND SHOOTS HER DEAD.

THIS LITERALLY HAPPENED.

Wtf, eh?

[HdE]

RIPD.

No matter how much you think "That's just ripping off Men In Black", you can't prepare yourself for how much it rips off Men in Black.

But it still has something MiB doesn't: Mary Louise Parkerrrrrrrrrgggllllrrr...

[Link Prime]

I'm eagerly awaiting the chance to see his latest, The Sacrament.

The Sacrament is great, I loved it. Very different to something like House Of The Devil and a completely different kind of horror, but still bloody scary. The core performance is stunning too, really makes the whole thing.

This was finally released on DVD today- I've ordered from Amazon (along with Vincent-Cassel-starring Satan and The Dyatlov Pass Incident) for a cheerful nights viewing next weekend.

[Professor Bear]

What?

Coupled with (from Film Critic Hulk, apologies for caps but that is how the Hulk speaks after all)

SO THERE'S THIS PART IN TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION WHERE THE AUTOBOTS SUDDENLY ENCOUNTER A SUPER-LITERAL VAGINA DENTATA ALIEN THAT'S JUST HANGING OUT IN A CAGE.

Yes.  All of that, and more.
I especially like how the film does the prologue thing with the dinosaurs, and then mentions the metal dinosaurs stuff later in passing, and then when the Dinobots are finally introduced, it's got nothing to do with anything that's happened so far in the film, Optimus just turns and says "we need some help for this big fight" so he goes to the back of the ship and opens a cupboard and the Dinobots are just fucking sitting there in a cupboard, having sat there with their thumbs up their holes like lemons for the last two and a half hours of film, and they have no connection to the dinosaurs from the start of the film, they just transform into shapes that are a lot like dinosaurs because they do and that is all.
Or the humans who are all "I hate transformers and everything about transformers and I will destroy all transformers by any means possible" and then they not only ally themselves with an openly amoral transformer with a gun for a head, an arsenal of weapons, a warship, and an army of giant vicious wolves at his command, but their anti-transformers plot is to create more transformers by killing humans and turning them into Transformeranium, because they are doing it for money because kickbacks something something something, and it didn't even even occur to me until later that the plan to defend America from a repeat of what happened in the last film is to make an army of transformers and then put them under the command of a robot with Megatron's personality downloaded into it who is also an evil double of Optimus prime and who transforms into Goliath from the 1980s Knight Rider.

The thing is, if they trimmed 70-75 minutes off the running time (the Hulk-cited scene with the giant space vagina is about an hour long and doesn't contribute to the rest of the film) it might actually be a cult thing somewhere down the line.  As it is, like the previous TF movies it's far too long and that makes it impossible to view as fluffy brain candy, so it just comes off as taking itself far too seriously.

[Frank]

I was going to give you lads a hard time about going to see films you absolutely know are guaranteed to be shite, and paying for Michael Bay's human growth hormone treatment, but you're quite funny when you talk about shite films, so that's okay.

I never actually sit down and watch these things, even when they come on telly. I just read your reviews and use your talking points if anyone tries to start a conversation about them. Works not bad, unless you get someone who wants to go over every single plot point in great detail, although the Prometheus discussion here was so in-depth I could actually hold my own on that one without sitting through the wretched thing.

[Professor Bear]

It's my own fault for openly being a sci-fi fan, as a mate paid me in thinking she was doing me a favor - a bit like that Christmas I got The Phantom Menace on dvd several times over.

[Frank]

It's my own fault for openly being a sci-fi fan, as a mate paid me in thinking she was doing me a favor - a bit like that Christmas I got The Phantom Menace on dvd several times over

During a period of my life when I had made myself deliberately poor, I enjoyed a nice career as the paid companion of sci-fi, horror, and action genre-loving friends who couldn't convince their significant others to go and see a film with the number 5 in the title. It was one of the Lord Of The Rings films which finally broke me.

[Eric Plumrose]

COLD IN JULY. Good as it was I would've enjoyed it a whole lot more if it wasn't now Cineworld policy to keep the emergency lights on throughout the entire film.

COLD IN JULY is a very dark film. I mean literally. Most of it takes place at night, so the emergency lighting is not only more noticeable it also gives the screen a certain fuzziness making it even more difficult to work out what's going on.

"Oh, it's always been that way." Of course it has. Look, I've got no imagination when it comes to clothes. For want of a better term, I've worn the same 'fashion' for something like thirteen years. I think I just might have noticed my combats glow orange before. I also pity any poor bugger sitting behind me if I'm freshly scalped.

The solution suggested by the member of staff I spoke to was to move seats. Which improved the problem only marginally*. AND COMPLETELY DEFEATS THE POINT OF ALLOCATED SEATING.

Allocated seating. Sorry, what? When? Uh, the middle or rear, thanks.

Here's the thing, though. I like that freedom of choice. Two seats further along really can make a big difference, something I can't tell 'til I'm physically there. That's quite important to me. Moreso given my choice of trousers now dictates exactly where I shouldn't sit.

CHEF, tonight. Here's hoping Favreau's kebab van doesn't spend too much time preying on drunks come kicking out time.


* That's what eyebrows are for. To frown through when the hand shielding your view gets tired.

[Fungus]

A gentleman's choice of trouser is so important   

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

Calvary

In which Brendan Gleeson proves yet again that he's the world's greatest living actor, Dylan Moran and Chris O'Dowd prove yet again that they have a wide range, and Aiden Gillen proves yet again that he can't do accents for shit or indeed has any clue how to sound like a normal Human being.

[Richmond Clements]

In which Brendan Gleeson proves yet again that he's the world's greatest living actor

He really is. He makes it look effortless.

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

Her

Quite a cute satire on our relationship with technology. At several points, I felt like it was about to wander into the realm of Tired Hollywood Cliches, but it always did something weird and compelling instead. Lots of nice little details, it's a familiar world, but there are just enough little touches to portray a believable future. Juaquin Phoenix does a really good job of holding the whole thing together.

[radiator]

Decided to get caught up for the apparently brilliant Dawn of.... By checking out Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which I'd never seen.

Really impressed. Lovely to see a big blockbuster that a) is built around character relationships instead of a convoluted, thrown-together plot and b) actually EARNS its big action finale (that feels refreshingly small-scale).

Overall a superbly-judged film that is far better than it has any right to be, very much deserving of the high regard it's held in. I'm totally jazzed for the sequel which by all accounts is even better.

A very solid 4/5.

[amines2058]

Decided to get caught up for the apparently brilliant Dawn of.... By checking out Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which I'd never seen.

Really impressed. Lovely to see a big blockbuster that a) is built around character relationships instead of a convoluted, thrown-together plot and b) actually EARNS its big action finale (that feels refreshingly small-scale).

Overall a superbly-judged film that is far better than it has any right to be, very much deserving of the high regard it's held in. I'm totally jazzed for the sequel which by all accounts is even better.

A very solid 4/5.

I completely agree with all of this. I did the same last week and watched Rise which I had missed first time around, in preparation of Dawn. So glad I did as it was probably one of the better movies I had seen this year. 

[Keef Monkey]

Decided to get caught up for the apparently brilliant Dawn of.... By checking out Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which I'd never seen.

Really impressed. Lovely to see a big blockbuster that a) is built around character relationships instead of a convoluted, thrown-together plot and b) actually EARNS its big action finale (that feels refreshingly small-scale).

Overall a superbly-judged film that is far better than it has any right to be, very much deserving of the high regard it's held in. I'm totally jazzed for the sequel which by all accounts is even better.

A very solid 4/5.

I completely agree with all of this. I did the same last week and watched Rise which I had missed first time around, in preparation of Dawn. So glad I did as it was probably one of the better movies I had seen this year. 

I'll third this! Did the exact same thing at the weekend, had largely ignored this movie but the sequel trailers got me interested so grabbed it for three quid in Tescos on Sunday (bargain)!

Found the CG a little distracting in places, but largely it looked great, and the whole approach to Caesar's origins was really touching, it builds really well and even though it's relatively short it never really felt like it was rushing anything. A great pleasant surprise to find myself enjoying it as much as I did.