Overheard conversation

[worldshown]

This morning, I went down to the doctor's surgery to get a repeat prescription for my mother.

There were several people hanging around outside when I got there including a young girl about 15, all tracksuit, piercings and scraped back hair and quite heavily pregnant.

As I walked into the surgery, she lit up a cigarette. This must have caused a reaction while I was in there as when I left I heard a woman in her seventies give her this advice.

"Don't listen to what other people say. I smoked 20, 30 even 40 a day when I was carrying my youngest, and he's only in prison now because they caught him."

I can't decide if that was a reflection of the sorry state of where I live or if it was a brilliant piece of reverse psychology.

Anybody else overheard something that's made them despair of society lately?

[LARF]

You're not the only one mate - Mrs Larf went to collect the little Larf's from Junior school and one of the kids that went to school with my eldest (he's 13) came round the corner sporting a bump, she's just turned 14 - it's like some stupid badge they wear, god knows why?

[Adrian Bamforth]

2 old ladies at an Age Concern day centre when I worked there:

1st Old Lady: Did you see that earthquake on the news yesterday, thousands killed?

2nd Old Lady: Yes...and the people in the supermarket are so rude!

[Satanist]

Years ago in my old flat where the walls were paper thin.

Wife : Please Tim leave the cake alone, its not for us

Tim : Oh for Christ sake, for all you know it might be vile. I'll just have a wee bit.

Wife : No Tim Don't,don't touch that cake. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

also from Tim overheard one morning when an excited kid ran in

Boy : DAD,Dad what's this???

Tim (at the top of his voice) : ITS FUCKING SANDPAPER!!!


Well they made me laugh and that's from about 15 years ago.

[Buddy]

Maya
Cinema 4D
3Ds Max

For those in the know, what would you suggest??

[Matt Timson]

About ten years ago, after splitting with my then girlfriend, we moved into separate rooms for a while (it was a reasonably amicable split, so it wasn't too much of a hardship while we saw the tenancy out).

From the comfort of the spare room, I could hear the next door neighbour giving it to his latest conquest, with accompanying commentary:

HIM: 'arder?

HER: Yeah!

HIM: Yer wannit 'arder?!?

HER: Yeah!

HIM: Do yer?  D'yer wannit 'arder?!?

HER: Yeah! I wannit 'arder!

HIM: Y'wannit 'arder?!?

HER: I wannit 'arder!

This would go on for some time, the headboard banging against the wall, while he repeatedly asked the hapless cow if she wanted it harder (although, as far as I could make out, she was getting it harder whether she liked it or not).

Eventually, her replies would always turn to whimpers (either of pain or joy- I never quite worked it out), while he continued to bellow ,"ARDER?!?", at the top of his tiny lungs (he was very short).

Still makes me laugh now...

:D

[the shutdown man]

I'm waiting at a busstop once, a fella lights up, and then realises his bus is coming so he leaves his mostly intact cigarette in the ashtray on top of the bin and legs it. A large, dead-eyed woman wanders over, leans on the bin like a podium and takes out her phone to supposedly text someone, and then when she thinks no-one is looking, quickly takes the still-smoking cigarette out of the FUCKING BIN and starts smoking it.

Why.....?

[Captain Harry Flashman]

Overheard conversation between two track-suited skangers (or 'Chav's) waiting at a bus stop in Dublin.

Skanger girl - in North Dub accent - to boyfriend: "Do you love me?"

Skanger boyfriend: "Of course I love ya!"

Skanger girl: "How do I know ya love me?"

Skanger boyfriend: "Well ... I buy ya chips and ride ya, don't I?!"

'Nuff said!

[JayzusB.Christ]

From a similar skanger, in a Dublin dole office:

'We shouldn't have to queue like this. We're taxpayers'

[LARF]

'Skanger' - that's great, round where we live we call them 'Scratters' - I'm presuming that Skanger is a shortened version of Scrounger?

[TordelBack]

More tales of Skanger excess overhead on a bus:

"Have you thought of a name yet?"

"Yeah, we're going to call it  Wivven if she;s a girl".

"That's gorgeous!"

"Yeah, I read it in a book".

"How do you spell that then?"

"Y-V-O-N-N-E..."

True story.

[worldshown]

Shutdown's bus-stop story reminded me of a much earlier incident.

Before I could drive and had to catch the bus home from the Central station, I was stuck at the bus stop with two younger teenagers and got listening to their inane conversation.

Boy 1: I dun a new song for the football. You wanna 'ear it?

Boy 2: Yeah!

Boy 1: It goes "We 'ate Swansea an' we 'ate you, we 'ate Swansea an' we 'ate you, we 'ate Swansea an' we 'ate you," - an' this is the best bit - "we are the 'aters of you".

Boy 2: Cor! Thas fuckin' brilliant!

It was just the pride that the first one had in seemingly spending hours on that tricky last line that got me. That and the sheer reverence his mate had for him for 'writing' a chant that has probably been heard down the City for 40-odd years.

[johnnystress]

skanger to loud Spanish students on the bus

"Why don't yiz fuck off back to France ya fuckin Spanish cunts"

[Adrian Bamforth]

Link: http://www.mustardweb.org/01/overheard.htm" target="_blank">Mustard Mag Overheards

http://www.mustardweb.org/01/overheard.htm">

[Adrian Bamforth]

http://www.mustardweb.org/01/overheard_smoking.jpg">