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Life is sometimes sort of okay because...

Started by House of Usher, 23 March, 2009, 05:17:47 PM

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Peter Wolf

#630
Quote from: The Cosh on 12 August, 2010, 08:59:40 PM
On the bus home from Edinburgh I had to sit next a horrendously fat woman. All the way through I could feel her warm, sweaty, jellylike leg squashed up against me no matter how much I tried to squirm to one side. The constant awareness of it made me feel slightly sick.

Then I found a fiver in the pocket of a pair of trousers I was putting in the wash, so it's swings and roundabouts.

I would rather give up my seat than tolerate that and if she takes up more space than 1 seat she should be charged for 2 lots of busfare.

Spend the fiver on alcohol to wipe the unfortunate incident from your memory but a fivers worth probably wouldnt be enough.

You could compartmentalise it in the memory hole.
Worthing Bazaar - A fete worse than death

Dandontdare

Reverse psychology often works. Simply lean over to her and say "I love the way your warm flesh presses against me", then close your eyes and moan softly every now and then. Guaranteed, she'll get up and move.

I find this works with annoyingly load mobile phone conversations. Feign obvious interest in what they're saying, gasping, tutting or chuckling as appropriate. Bonus points if they actually turn to you say "this is a private conversation", which allows you to retort: "then go and have it in private, dickwad, 'cos what you're having here is a PUBLIC conversation!"

House of Usher

This is the 'life is sometimes sort of okay because...' thread, not the 'being mean to fat women on the bus in a bid to get yourself arrested' thread.

I like that tip for dealing with annoyingly loud dickheads talking into their mobile phones. A pity it depends upon them providing the feedline about it being a private conversation. It's tempting to try it to see how many goes it takes to get the required response in order to be able to deliver the punchline!

I was on a train once where there was a really cool guy in a business suit arguing on the phone in a measured, dispassionate tone with his significant other, who clearly had a lot more investment in the relationship than he did. She wanted to argue about who was to blame for what, but he wasn't really interested. His signal started breaking up as we got to the foot of a hill. Just before the train went into the tunnel and the signal failed altogether, he said "I'm losing you." How ironic!
STRIKE !!!

Dandontdare

I have just learned that the practice of playing annoying music in public from tinny mobile phone speakers is known as SODCASTING. Good name, horible habit.

COMMANDO FORCES

Just saw this fantastic rainbow from where I am sat (dining room) and had to take a photo. It was so close I couldn't get the whole thing in one pic, makes a change. Anyway here it is.

 

Noisybast

I finally managed to get my phone to display in English again (via French).
Dan Dare will return for a new adventure soon, Earthlets!

staticgirl

went berrying today. Am making cordial.

Inadvertently made the elderberry cordial poisonous (don't boil the green berries) but the blackberries are steeping very well!

COMMANDO FORCES

I found a shop in the town that stocks Sarsaparilla. Bought a few bottles and am drinking one now, delicious  :D

Albion

Quote from: COMMANDO FORCES on 17 August, 2010, 09:19:46 PM
I found a shop in the town that stocks Sarsaparilla. Bought a few bottles and am drinking one now, delicious  :D

I was at Blists Hill Victorian Town at Ironbridge last week and while enjoying a pint of Banks's Mild in the pub there someone came in and asked for Sarsparilla but they didn't have any. Lovely stuff.
Dumb all over, a little ugly on the side.

COMMANDO FORCES

Went to London on Monday and didn't get charged for parking  :D
We always park under St Katherine's Dock, it's a private car  park but with a few spaces for the common people. It's right next to Tower Bridge.
You use your credit/debit card to get in and out but when we left it wasn't working, hence no charge.

Also today I saw Vic Reeves in town. I was tempted to ask him "what's on the end of his stick" but didn't want to be one of the mad people!

TordelBack


Dandontdare

probably just as well, a mate of mine approached him once and said he was incredibly rude and grumpy.

Richmond Clements

Quote from: Dandontdare on 19 August, 2010, 02:52:01 PM
probably just as well, a mate of mine approached him once and said he was incredibly rude and grumpy.

To be fair, he was having a shit at the time...

Christov

I didn't fail my A levels and my Uni place is confirmed. Yay.

nev