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Messages - The Legendary Shark

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1
Off Topic / Re: Happy Birthday!
« on: Today at 10:11:33 AM »

Thanks, guys!

Party tonight at the farm - you're all invited!


2
Off Topic / Re: Happy Birthday!
« on: Today at 06:52:15 AM »

Happy Birthday to me! Fifty Six long, long years old today.


3
Off Topic / Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« on: 02 July, 2022, 09:14:05 PM »

William, Francis and Eddie are taking a stroll through the woods when they find a battered old oil lamp in a clump of weeds. They retrieve the lamp and rub it and, of course, a genie appears.

"At last," the Genie says, "my long imprisonment is over! To show my gratitude, I shall grant each of thee three wishes." The genie turns to William and asks, "what is thy first wish?"

William thinks for a moment and says, "I'd like to be the handsomest man in the world, so that everyone will fancy me," and - poof! - he is transformed into the best looking man one could ever imagine.

The genie asks Francis the same question, and Francis says, "I'd like to be the fittest, strongest, fastest, most healthy man on the planet," and - poof! - he takes on the aspect of the most magnificent of Greek gods.

"And thee," the genie says to Eddie, "what is thy first wish?"

Without hesitation, Eddie says, "I'd like you to make my right arm spin around a full 360 degrees, like a windmill, in a clockwise direction," and - poof! - Eddie's arm begins to spin.

The genie turns back to William and asks him what his second wish is.

William thinks and says, "I'd like to be rich enough to not have to work again," and - poof! - a suitcase full of money appears.

The genie looks at Francis. "And thy second wish?"

"Easy," says Francis, "I want to be the richest man in the world," and - poof! - a portfolio of the highest levels of stocks, bonds and shares appear in a briefcase.

Eddie can hardly contain his enthusiasm when the genie asks him for his second wish. "I'd like you to make my left arm spin around 360 degrees, like a windmill, but this time in an anticlockwise direction," and - poof! - Eddie's left arm begins to spin.

"And thy third and final wish?"

William thinks and says, "I wish to remain healthy, disease free, and fit for the rest of my very long life," and - poof! - suddenly all his aches, pains, and sniffles are banished forever.

For his third wish, Francis asks for immortality and - poof! - eternal life is his.

Eddie can hardly contain himself and, almost before the genie has asked the question he says, "I'd like you to make my head nod backwards and forwards in a strictly stable rhythm," and - poof! - his head begins to nod back and forth like a perpetual metronome.

The genie disappears and the three men decide to meet back up in the same spot a year hence to compare notes on how things are going, which they do.

"The last year's been incredible for me," William says, "my good looks got me into the movies and I'm in constant demand, so I can charge millions for appearing in a single film. I have three mansions in Hollywood and am married to Gillian Anderson. My life is perfect!"

"My life is perfect too," enthuses Francis. "I'm the best all-round sportsman in the world; the world heavyweight boxing champion, world's number one tennis player, top golfer, and I have more Olympic medals than I can count. My incredible wealth has allowed me to set up foundations to eliminate starvation, cure cancer, and bring clean water, good food, and education to the darkest corners of the planet. Also, I have a different beautiful woman on my arm every night. I couldn't be happier!"

The two turn to Eddie, with his oppositely spinning arms and metronomically nodding head and ask how his year has been.

"Guys," Eddie says, "to be honest, I think I've made a huge mistake."



4
Off Topic / Re: This is the News!
« on: 02 July, 2022, 12:01:36 PM »


Of course the latest rumour around Johnson is that he has allegedly impregnated his hairdresser. 


I find it very hard to believe that Boris Johnson has a hairdresser.


5
Off Topic / Re: TV Adverts that make you wish for death.
« on: 01 July, 2022, 03:00:46 PM »

Okay, I understand your point. However, the same could be said for many things from refined sugar to monosodium glutemate to aspartame to cannabis to tobacco to coffee, and many more besides, including a fair few medicines. I grant you that alcohol is a mild poison, but I think that claiming it's purpose is to poison (without adding the 'intoxication is a form of poisoning' caveat) is a little misleading. I can get onboard with the idea that the purpose of alcohol is to induce intoxication through a form of poisoning, but not with the idea that alcohol's purpose is simply to poison because that paints only half a picture.

I too have a can of cider earmarked for an after-work refresher today because I've been cutting down trees and hedges all day and sweating cobs. It was not advertising, however, that led me to this course of action.


6
Off Topic / Re: TV Adverts that make you wish for death.
« on: 01 July, 2022, 12:33:43 PM »

Drinking serves a pretty fundamental social purpose to us, who are social animals. (It also serves a pretty big economic purpose.) As with all things, the damage from alcohol only tends to occur with misuse or accident, so saying the purpose of alcohol is to damage one's health seems incorrect. If someone buys me a bottle of something alcoholic for my birthday I don't immediately think, "this swine's trying to kill me," and I doubt you do, either (unless it's me doing the giving ;-) ).

Once again, the question was whether banning advertising alcohol would have any positive impact on its deleterious effects, and my current position is that it would have no significant positive effect but warning adverts alongside them might be a little more effective.


7
Off Topic / Re: TV Adverts that make you wish for death.
« on: 01 July, 2022, 10:29:28 AM »

The question was, is there a case for advertising bans for alcohol (presumably in order to reduce the damage done by alcohol)? I would guess that if there is a case, it would be quite weak - hence the examples I suggested. One could easily presume that an alcohol advertising ban might reduce the ill-effects slightly if, for example, a bored person buys alcohol after seeing it on t.v. but buys something else (maybe chocolate or ice cream) if they didn't see an alcohol advert. A ban on advertising corn flakes might well stop one or two people from choking on corn flakes but otherwise, I think, such a ban would have little effect, as with all the examples I suggested.

A better approach may be to mandate that every alcohol advert must be followed or preceded by an advert of the same length explaining the dangers of alcohol - what used to be called a public information film, but paid for by the same company advertising the alcohol - so that individuals can decide for themselves.

I don't know if those awful disposable vape* things are advertised or not but I see many youngsters using them, sucking in fumes that taste of sweets, fruit, and berries. These objects seemed to be aimed at the young because cigarettes taste bloody awful.

*Vape - what a word! It suggests vapour, perceived as harmless, rather than smoke.

8
Off Topic / Re: TV Adverts that make you wish for death.
« on: 01 July, 2022, 07:43:11 AM »
The W.H.O. claims that:

*Road traffic injuries are the leading cause of death for children and young adults aged 5-29 years.
*Approximately 1.3 million people die each year as a result of road traffic crashes.
*More than half of all road traffic deaths are among vulnerable road users: pedestrians, cyclists, and motorcyclists.
*93% of the world's fatalities on the roads occur in low- and middle-income countries, even though these countries have approximately 60% of the world's vehicles.
*Road traffic crashes cost most countries 3% of their gross domestic product.

Require images of road traffic injuries on all vehicle adverts, registration documents, M.O.T. certificates, etc.? Ban automobile advertising altogether?

The banking industry causes untold misery and death throughout the world - ban banks from advertising as well?

Wars upset things globally quite a lot, too - ban governments and military from advertising?

I doubt it.

Further, is any ban on advertising a ban on free speech?

9
Off Topic / Re: Squaxx Telling Jokes
« on: 30 June, 2022, 02:56:53 PM »

Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar. It was tense.

~~~^~~~

Last December, having no money, my brother and I decided to steal a tree from the local forest. So, armed with axes and a saw, we wandered around the forest for four and a half hours until my brother said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to cut down the next Christmas tree we see, whether there's lights on it or not."

10
Off Topic / Re: TV Adverts that make you wish for death.
« on: 30 June, 2022, 02:45:59 PM »

Indeed it is. There'd still be this - and, of course, that.


11

Replace Cadet Dredd with a new character that will become the feature character of the regen issues. Cadet Dredd77 - another Dredd clone (Sue Evans? (S. Evans, nickname Sevens?)), from hatching to graduation, told (roughly) concomitantly with the contemporary Dreddverse.

12
Off Topic / Re: TV Adverts that make you wish for death.
« on: 30 June, 2022, 12:29:54 PM »

If it weren't for advertising, politics, and law, there'd be nothing for contemporary sophists to do.


13
Off Topic / Re: Happy Birthday!
« on: 28 June, 2022, 02:45:24 PM »

Great idea - we don't celebrate life nearly as much as we should.

Happy birthday, Mel! Loved me that Blazing Saddles and the rest!


14
General / Re: Side-side-vote - The golden goose-stepper
« on: 28 June, 2022, 04:04:33 AM »

Kill the City, not Dredd. Slowly strip everything away until only Dredd is left; the Last Judge, all alone in the lifeless ruins where justice, finally, prevails.


15
General / Re: Side-side-vote - The golden goose-stepper
« on: 27 June, 2022, 05:16:36 PM »

Dredd fatally injured, put into cryo moments before death. Justice Department tries to cover it up, representing Rico as Dredd. The secret gets out. Rico leads a coup to tidy up the Department but becomes a tyrant. The only one who can stop him, Dredd, is resurrected and fixed. Dredd kills Rico and everything goes back to normal(ish).

It seems to me that the whole Dredd run can be subtitled "The Decline and fall of Mega City One" so Dredd should die when the City does.


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