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2000AD Time Twisters! The 8th 2000AD Short Story Comp.

Started by locustsofdeath!, 24 February, 2010, 05:05:17 PM

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locustsofdeath!

Nice one, Lady F!

Any more in before the deadline next week? Some real nice yarns this month - voting will be tough!

Dounreay

Sigh. Couldn't get to Hi-Ex. Again. Have to console meself with a story.

PARTING SHOTS

Finigan Sinister and Kid Fony, the two most wanted outlaws in the history of the West. And in all the trains and banks they robbed, they never shot no-one [Citation needed]. This made our latter day Robin Hoods very popular [Weasel words]. That is, with everyone but the railroads and the banks.

And this is Tombstone, it's Tuesday October 26 1881 and Finigan Sinister turns to Ramone Dexter and says "FUUUUUNNNNTTT. Funt,funt,funt. Funtin' funtin', funtin' FUUUNNNTTT."

"Finny, get a grip, you'll burst something, people are staring." Ramone trades a shit eating grin for a withering look from a dour, old matriarch. "Heh, heh, sorry mam, my friend , he is loco," he cringes, twirling a finger at his temple.

"Ramone, we are in the funtin' old West instead of alternate Downlode, where the dimension jump should have sent us. I am very far from getting a funtin' grip."

"Look Finny, lets go get a drink and figure things out."

History records these two legends of the West walking into a saloon on Fremont street, ordering two shots of whiskey, whereupon the Clanton gang set about them [Citation needed].

"Amigo! Two shots of whiskey."

A voice from the back of the room, drunk and heavy with trouble. "Hey greaser, Mexicans ain't allowed in here."

Trouble just picked the wrong day to go drinking. The day high muzzle velocity death walked in.

"He's not Mexican, he's Span-"

"Well Goddamn, a Mexican AND a paddy."

No words pass between the two men at the bar. A glance and a slight nod to each other.

The barkeep, now fearing for his skin and his bar mirror, urgently whispers "Boys, you don't mess with Ike Clanton and his gang."

Dexter leans on the bar. "Way, way, way too late for that amigo," he smiles at the barman.

Sinister screws a smoke into his mouth and fires it up, casually challenges, "Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough. Cocksucker."

"Paddy bastard. Dr-"

BAM. BAM,BAM. BAM.

Sinister luxuriously blows out a stream of smoke that mingles with the gun smoke from Ray's automatic.

"You missed one."

"Oh yeah." BAM. "These guys can't shoot for shit."

A hard, don't fuck with me voice cuts through the smoke and the silence.

"Somebody gonna explain this?"

"Mi, mi, mi Marshal Earp! It was self defence," the barkeep manages to stutter. It wasn't but the bar tender has been in the trade a long time.

Sinister turns to the newcomer. The stone killer and the lawman regard each other coldly, then something unspoken passes between them. Enough respect, not today.

Earp speaks again, "The stage leaves in two hours, down the street by the OK Corral. Be on it." Then he turns and leaves.



     

Alski

Oooohhh... time for one more silly one before we close!


Along Came A Spider

"Oh, peachy!" exclaimed Peter Parker. "You'd think I'd be used to this sort of thing by now, but it never gets old."

'This sort of thing' was dropping from a great height onto a hard surface, after being put there by yet another whacked out super villain with a thing about spiders. Did we not mention that Peter Parker is also known as the Spectacular, Amazing and original Spider-Man? Well, he is.

THWIP!

Spidey quickly slowed his decent by attaching a handy web to a nearby building, a building way higher than any he'd seen before. "Must be the future," he said to himself. "At least they might be able to get me back."

The latest nutjob with a grudge was The Time Twister, who had a nasty little ray gun that transported the target to a random point in time. Very tricky, and very careless of Spidey to let himself get caught, what with his spider sense and all. Right now, though, he had other things to think about.

"There's always an alley," he said as he eased himself to the ground in such a place. "Now I've just gotta figure out how to get back to 2009 and defeat The Time Twister."

"Hold it, creep!" boomed a voice, and he turned to see a very imposing figure approach, holding a gun big enough to scare a porn star. The helmet looked like he was born wearing it, and the name on the badge was Dredd.

Spidey held it. Well, you would.

"What's up... officer?" he ventured. "No need for the gun, fella, I'm one of the good guys."

"Oh yeah?" sneered Dredd. "You don't look like a judge to me."

"Judge?" Why was the future always so confusing? "No, I'm not a  judge. I'm... well, I'm Spider-Man!"

"Spiderman?"

"No, with a hyphen. Spider-Man"

Dredd was not impressed. "Cut the wisecracks, creep. Spider-Man huh?" You could actually hear the hypen, groaning under the weight of Judge trained sarcasm. "So what? You a mutant?"

"Not again," groaned Spidey. "I'm getting fed up of explaining this one. I'm not a mutant, I have never been a mutant, although I may have gotten frisky with one or two over the years, but none of the freaky ones - even a Spider-Man has standards!"

"So what does a Spider-Man do?" asked Dredd.

"Whatever a spider can, of course! Hey - there's a song in that..."

"Can it creep," Dredd barked, raising his lawgiver. "I've got no time for costumed criminals."

"Woah!" yelped Spidey. "No criminals here - I'm on your side. I fight crime, not commit it."

"I hate costumed vigilantes even more," said Dredd in a menacing voice. "You're going to the cubes."

"Not me!" said Spidey, launching into the air. "Seeya later, Dreddy, or never if I can help it."

THWIP! Went Spidey. BLAMMO! Went the lawgiver.

Spider reflexes against judge training? No contest.

"Dredd to control. One vigilante for the meat wagon."

Stan Lee's gonna have a fit...
"Cool Stuff You Will Like"

Music, Comics, Books, Video Games, TV and Film reviews/articles.

http://cool-stuff-you-will-like.blogspot.co.uk/

Alski

Oh, and when you put up the entries could you change the date on my Famous Five one from 1990 to 1999 please!
"Cool Stuff You Will Like"

Music, Comics, Books, Video Games, TV and Film reviews/articles.

http://cool-stuff-you-will-like.blogspot.co.uk/

Lady Festina


locustsofdeath!

Quote from: emceehamster on 31 March, 2010, 09:26:20 PM
Oh, and when you put up the entries could you change the date on my Famous Five one from 1990 to 1999 please!

You've got it, sir!

This is the day - in just over 11 hours, the space-time continuum will be back in its proper order and the comp will stop at the present day. Take your last hops across the centuries, visit those pasts in a hurry, pen your yarn before time runs out!

Van Dom

Great! I fell so far behind with these that I've been waiting for the voting thread to get stuck in and have a good read. This will work out nicely as we are in work on Good Friday despite the fact that none of our customers are...so I'll be able to pass the time with a few good short stories tomorrow, yay!
Van Dom! El Chivo! Bhuna! Prof T Bear! And More! All in Vanguard Edition Three, available now. Check the blog or FB page for details!

VANGUARD COMIC!

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locustsofdeath!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall right time troopers, set your chronometers to April 1st, 2010 18:13. The comp is now closed.

Excellent job to everyone!

I will sort the entries and have the voting thread open shortly (meaning sometime before tomorrow).

locustsofdeath!

Have no fear, writers - I'm organizing the voting thread right now...will be up and running shortly.

Lady Festina

Is this where you start to regret volunteering to take over? ;-)