hi guys. i'm still here. i hardly know how or why. i'm falling and failing all the time.
my dad died at the end of october. i am in a terrible situation. i was never close to my dad until the last 2 years.
2 years ago a really bad stroke - in my 40s - left me unable to walk properly, or even sometimes think properly. but it's not woeisme because I survived, just.
and then my dad became a giant. he became my hero, my carer and my best friend. he came to see me for 2 or 3 hours every afternoon. he told me about his life and he asked about mine. we wrote a mad book about consciousness together.
and then he died. he was a healthy man, but he was weakened by covid and life.
the tiny rest of my selfish and dysfunctional family ignored me from that day to this. no-one has even asked me how i am. they tried to exclude me from the funeral. i am utterly alone. i am bereft. i am unable.
i exist for kindness and empathy. but i am in a world that has precious little of either and does not care.
i do not know how to go on - physically, mentally or spiritually.
and yet you go on. to paraphrase beckett.
i don't think i have written a more self-centred set of nonsense in my life.
and yet i have. to paraphrase beckett.
hello.
my dad died at the end of october. i am in a terrible situation. i was never close to my dad until the last 2 years.
2 years ago a really bad stroke - in my 40s - left me unable to walk properly, or even sometimes think properly. but it's not woeisme because I survived, just.
and then my dad became a giant. he became my hero, my carer and my best friend. he came to see me for 2 or 3 hours every afternoon. he told me about his life and he asked about mine. we wrote a mad book about consciousness together.
and then he died. he was a healthy man, but he was weakened by covid and life.
the tiny rest of my selfish and dysfunctional family ignored me from that day to this. no-one has even asked me how i am. they tried to exclude me from the funeral. i am utterly alone. i am bereft. i am unable.
i exist for kindness and empathy. but i am in a world that has precious little of either and does not care.
i do not know how to go on - physically, mentally or spiritually.
and yet you go on. to paraphrase beckett.
i don't think i have written a more self-centred set of nonsense in my life.
and yet i have. to paraphrase beckett.
hello.