Hello readers, I am new member GRIMM and I have a 30+year old retro-style Dredd story, which a couple of people said that I should try and find a storyboard artist for.
Is there anybody who would like to read my synopsis?
Cheers,
Grimm. :)
There's no time like the present, so post it up!
A few technical difficulties, C-M-K, as you know, will post it up, as soon as I can figure out how to do it! :-)
GRIM JUSTICE.
This story starts with Dredd on routine patrol on his lawmaster in Mega city One, when he starts to enter an unusually thick smog and he calls it in, reporting that visibility is getting very bad here, but at the other end his transmission is cracking up and they can only make out odd words. He has to slow down and stop the bike and tries in vain to get through on the radio. Then it gradually starts to clear and he is about to get back on his bike, when he stops dead and says, "Drokk!" at what he sees!
This is not any part of Mega City One that he has ever seen before and the tower blocks go up as far as the eye can see. In fact they are so high that you cannot see the tops of them! ( In fact, they reach right up to the edge of earth's atmosphere!)
He is dumfounded and tries to radio in, but gets nothing.
Then he hears a sound he recognizes, that of lawmasters and a couple of judges are coming towards him, BUT the blues and the reds of their uniforms are reversed! They slow down and stop and one of them says to him, "What have we got here, cit? Impersonating a judge, you know that's a crime!" And Dredd says, "I ain't impersonatin' anyone! I AM a judge and who the heck are you guys and where is this place?"
One of them says, "Lie detectors check out, [built-in on their bikes' dashboards] Dobie. He ain't lyin'!"
So Dredd tells the 2 judges what happened, (constantly being lie-detected as he does) and Dobie says," Well you ain't in no Mega City 1 now! You're in Metro City and there's no crime allowed here!"
Dredd remarks about the tower blocks and the fact that you can't see the sky and they explain that over population meant that they had to keep building up and up, they couldn't build out, because of the radiation from the great war.
The other judge radios in to his sector house chief, "Chief, we've got a wierd one here, the cit ain"t exactly breakin' any law, we better bring him in & see how we can sort this out!"
"Well, Dredd, better follow us and see what we can do about this mess!"
So he follows them in to the very centre of the teeming metropolis, where he meets Sector chief judge Gold and a striking brunette beauty, Psi-Judge Henderson, who is silent throughout the interview, as she is scanning Dredd's mind and reading his entire life history.
Privately, in another room afterwards, she tells the chief that he was one of the best judges from where he comes from and that they could really do with a man like that on their team, because, "Think of our quotas!"
So Gold tells Dredd that it looks like there had been some kind of temporal disturbance in the space- time continueum, causing him to hop dimensions from his into theirs. And who knows how long he might be stuck there for, so he might as well join their team, as they could always use a good judge.
Dredd says that he is sworn to uphold the law and he guesses that that applies no matter where he is, so, not being able to think of any alternative, he agrees. Gold says that if they can ever figure out a way to return him to his own dimension, that they would do so, but in the meantime,
"Welcome to the sector, you've already met a couple of our judges, I'll get them to show you the ropes tomorrow."
"Are they any good?" Dredd asks.
"Dobie and Boyle?" Gold replies,
"They're professionals!"
Dredd bunked down on a make-shift cot in the Sector House that night. The following day he would be awarded his own sleeping quarters in the Grand Halls.
So what follows next day is the grand tour of Metro City, starting off with a nursery, where toddlers and tots are taught to recite lines such as " I must not lie
I must not spit
I must not break the law, etc., etc." over and over again.
"It's never too early to start learning the law!", says Boyle.
They then move on to an infants' school where impeccably - behaved infants are paying attention as complicated laws are being chalked on the blackboard.
"We try and teach every child to be a law-abiding cit from the very start!", says Dobie, but still some of them turn "crim"!"
"What are the main crimes you have to deal with?", asks Dredd, " Murder? Theft?"
" There's only one crime here," Dobie says, " and that's ' to break the law'!!"
"And that's what separates the law-abidin' cits from the crims!", says Boyle.
Next comes the synthi-food plant, where Dredd is told that because of the huge population in Metro City that there simply isn't enough natural food to feed the cits, so to avoid anyone going hungry, four square meals a day are manufactured here and distributed to everyone. Dredd sees a never ending stream of dark green cubes [ approx 3cm cubed] rolling along the conveyor belts. "Tastes like crud, but contains all the necessary nutrients needed for a healthy, balanced diet", adds Boyle. Dredd picks one up and is about to take a bite, when Dobie halts him and says,"We get to eat later, in the grand halls of justice."
"I'd like to see a little more about how they make this food," said Dredd, whilst heading towards a door marked
'AUTHORISED ADMITTANCE ONLY'.
But Dobie said
"No, we're not allowed in there for hygiene reasons."
"Strange,"thought dredd, "we should be allowed anywhere. We're judges",
So he said,
"Well what if there's a crime going on back there?"
"Good point," said Dobie, "let's find out, shall we?"
And they went over to the door where there was a red button with
'JUDGES ONLY' written on gold around it and he pressed the buzzer and a hatch on the door opened to reveal a judge wearing a white helmet and a hygiene face mask behind the door.
"Everything all right back there, Wagner?", asked Dobie.
"Sure thing," replied Wagner and slid shut the hatch.
During the course of the day whilst they were showing Dredd the ropes, they explained to Dredd that they had targets to meet to rid the streets of as many crims as possible to make Metro City a safe place for the cits. They said crime was rife, except between the hours of midnight and 6am when it was curfew and only judges were allowed outdoors.
"Right, let's go catch us some crims, shall we?" and during the afternoon, not only did they catch robbers and muggers and pick-pockets, etc., but also a lot of cits were arrested for being in possession of contraband - flour!
"A lot of crims, if they get their hands on illegal flour can start illegal bakeries in their kitchens," Boyle said, "and they can earn a fortune selling bread on the streets".
"But, don't you worry," said Boyle, "We'll flush them all out!"
"It's even worse than that", said Dobie, "some crims set up illicit distilleries and any liquid they can get their hands on, they distill the water out of it and sell it in their seedy dives!"
"Yeah, there's a real big problem with bootleg liquid in this city," agreed Boyle.
BUT, cits were also being arrested for the most trivial of crimes, one had a piece of litter accidentally drift out of her bag, another for stubbing his toe and cussing, another, when asked where he was going by Dobie, told a lie, as registered on their lie detectors.
All these were arrested on the spot, rounded up whilst the judges sent for their own sector meat wagons to take them all in.
"What about judgement?" asked Dredd.
"They are all guilty as charged of breaking the law, we have judged them so," said Dobie.
"Well, what about justice then" asked Dredd.
"Ah, the chief judge himself likes to dispense justice himself personally every morning at 11am", said Boyle,
"Anyway, that was a good days work, time to head for the great halls of justice. It's nearly chow time!"
They marched through the halls in the building and through some double doors into the judges giant dining hall and Dredd couldn't believe his eyes when he saw what was lined up on the tables! All the tables were piled high with veritable banquets of delicious foods!
They made their way to a table stood around it and Dobie said,
"We have to wait for the chief judge".
They didn't have to wait long and all were silent as he strode down the centre of the hall, bearded, wearing a bowler hat, with a black cape flowing, carrying a book of the law in one hand and flanked by his aides on either side.
[ based on Paul Newman's Judge Roy Bean!]
http://cdn.indiewire.psdops.com/dims4/INDIEWIRE/9343833/2147483647/crop/1013x711%2B261%2B0/resize/680x478/quality/90/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fdl9fvu4r30qs1.cloudfront.net%2Fe3%2F47%2Fe3dff88649378a9cbc4dd9b1a1b1%2Flife-and-times.jpg
"Sit, my judges," Chief Judge Bean said, "and eat to give you the strengh to fight another days crime and make this glorious city of ours a safe place to live. Amen."
And everyone replied,
"Amen".
Then a couple of judges wearing chefs' hats carried a huge silver platter up to the Chiefs table at the top of the room, with a dead swan on it!!
None of the day's events sat right in Dredd's head.
"This ain't right," he thought, "I'm sworn to uphold the law, but it ain't right."
He couldn't sleep that night, he kept tossing and turning, deliberating it all and going through it all in his head, trying to make some sense out of it all. But he was too wound up, so he got up and went over to the window and opened it and stuck his head outside in the cool, quiet night. To his left he could see that a fleet of black trucks were silently departing from the back of the halls of justice and heading towards who knows where?....
The next morning, as all the judges made their ways to their various sector houses Dredd was still thinking that "It ain't right that the judges should get to eat like kings when millions of law-abiding citizens have to eat crud". But when he got there he found he would have new things on his mind. Sector Chief Gold called him in and explained that the judges mainly worked in pairs and that he'd been assigned a partner. "Congratulations", said Gold, "Judge Grimm himself has agreed to take you under his wing! Grimm is something of a legend here in Metro City. Nobody has caught more crims than him. We're hoping that you can measure up to the challenge? After all, we have got quotas to meet!"
Stood next to Gold was a surly looking judge with the same kind of downwards mouth as dredd, but with the big, stubbly chin of Desparate Dan, but without the moustache.
Both judges grunted at each other.
As they left the room together, Grimm said, "Come on, Dredd, let's make 'em proud!"
The morning was much the same as the previous afternoon, with the unlikeliest of people being arrested, including a vicar, a little old lady, a nun and even a little girl!!
When the was getting near to 11am, Grimm said
"Come on, Dredd, I want to see all those crims I got yesterday get justice!"
And they headed back towards the grand halls of justice. The building itself was built like a huge square, with a giant courtyard on the inside of the four walls and, as they made their way into a room with a balcony overlooking the courtyard, Dredd could not.believe his eyes at what he saw in the yard. It was FULL of rows and rows of gallows, hundreds of them! And each one of them had a noose hanging from it around someone's neck, waiting to be hanged!
A bell chimed 11 and Chief Judge Bean appeared on the back grand balcony, clutching his book of the law.
"THESE CRIMS HAVE BLUNTED THEIR TEETH," he announced, "AND MUST PAY THE PRICE.
LET JUSTICE BE DONE.
AMEN."
And judges everywhere echoed "AMEN", as Bean pulled a large lever towards him on his balcony and all the prisoners were left dangling simultaneously. Then Bean silently turned around and went back inside.
"Bit harsh, isn't it?" commented Dredd.
"But necessary," responded Grimm, " new citizens are being born every second in Metro City. We have to execute the crims to make room for the new arrivals."
"What happens to all the stiffs", asked Dredd.
"They get sent to ReSyk". answered Grimm.
"And then what?",asked Dredd.
"Get broken down to key elements, - carbon mainly, for fuel. We can"t afford to waste valuable commodities in Metro City", he replied.
Needless to say, all of this played on Dredd"s mind throughout the afternoon and he spent the rest of the day in silence, just going through the motions and thinking to himself,
"This ain't right, I don't want to do this. I think I'll take my chance in the Rad Lands."
That evening, Dredd didn't have much of an appetite at chow time and couldn't sleep at all during the night and he decided to go for a walk in the night to try and clear his head and work out what to do. At one point he found himself near to the Synthi-Food plant and some shuffling noises seemed to be coming from round the back of the building, so he thought he had better investigate, in case there was a crime in process. He WAS a judge, after all! What he saw saw when he peered around the corner made his jaw drop and he said, "HOLY DROKK!!" to himself!
There were parked a fleet of black trucks and judges dressed in black with black helmets on were unloading body bags out of the trucks and carrying them into the back of the plant!!
"So THIS is the fuel that Grimm was on about!" Dredd thought,
"They"re actually killing the citizens to make food to feed back to the citizens again!"
Dredd had now had enough. He had sworn to uphold the law, but not THAT law. That law is wrong and it was up to him and his law to try and do something about it.
"It's a about time I gave these creeps a little taste of MY law, before I leave this Hell-hole", he thought, and started to formulate some sort of plan......
Dredd was up well before 6am and had managed to sneak into the larders and steal some sacks of food and as the cits started appearing on the streets after the curfew, he emptied them out of the window of his room on to the streets below. Needless to say, this resulted in an absolute riot with the cits below.
Alarm bells went off in the halls as judges tried to quell the riots.
Grimm burst in to dredd's room, shouting,
"COME ON DREDD, WE'RE NEEDED!"
But Dredd wasn't in there.
But then Grimm spotted a chicken leg on the floor and realised what had happened!
"So, Dredd's turned crim, has he? I'll track him down and bring him in myself!", he said to himself!
Meanwhile, Dredd had made his way back to the courtyard. He still had two high-incendiary charges left in his lawgiver and he had a use for both of them. Aiming carefully, he let one fly right into the heart of the wooden gallows and it wasn't long before they were all ablaze.
He then made his way to where he had concealed his lawmaster and headed off towards the ReSyk/food plant, where he dispatched the other high-incendiary into the belly of the plant which resulted in a huge explosion.
"Now that's thrown a spanner into the works for the sickos! I guess it's the Rad Lands for me, now!"
And he is about to jump on his bike, when from out of the shadows jumped Grimm who had second guessed him. Dredd went for his gun but Grimm knocked it out of his hands. Grimm went for his, but Dredd kicked it out of his. There then ensued a truly vicious fist fight, both men literally fighting for the lives, neither was going to give in, coughing and wheezing as the foul smoke from the burning plant got thicker and thicker, burning their lungs. It got so thick that the two of them couldn't even see each other as they slugged it out in the blackness. Then a gentle breeze started to clear the air a bit and when they could see again, they were both on the floor rolling around, but on hearing a couple of clicks, looked up to see two lawgivers pointed down at them and when a voice said,
"Right, you two, break the party up!"
Dredd recognized it instantly as Hershey, there with her rookie, Danno.
"Dredd", she said, when she saw him,
"WHERE have you been?"
"To Hell and back" he replied,
"Who's your friend?", she asked.
"Sick creep ain't no friend of mine!" he said,
"Book him, Danno! - Life on Titan!"
"You can't do this to me", protested Grimm,
"I'"m a judge. I have never broken any law!"
"IIIIIIII am the Law here!" Dredd said ,
"And I say you've broken it!
Let Justice be served!
Amen!"
It's pretty poor overall and hardly a synopsis, but I like how Dredd got off Scott free. I'm all for things that are Scott free.
A pretty serviceable idea at its core but I feel it needs some refinement. Firstly, the way Dredd gets to Metro City is too passive. Dredd is not a passive character. He should be chasing somebody, or something, into the fog (perhaps a mutant or alien beast or robot whose defence mechanism is to shift through dimensions, which would give Dredd a maguffin to aim for to get him back to his reality) - Dredd just pootling along and riding into a fog bank is a bit bland.
Secondly, I don't think this other justice system would just throw open their doors to Dredd and neither would Dredd so blithely accept this new posting. Dredd serves Mega City One, period, and would not rest until he found a way back - even if that meant tearing a hole in Metro City.
It might be interesting to somehow hook Dredd up with a band of Metro City "crims," perhaps a band of freedom fighters or revolutionaries trying to expose and destroy the "Soylent Green" operation. This would inject several levels of much needed conflict into the story - Dredd against the Metro City Justice Department and also bumping up against his new allies; "We do this, we do it my way." But his top priority would always be getting back to Mega City One, so the goals of the rebels/"crims" and Dredd must somehow converge.
Just my two penn'orth.
Banners, Legendary Shark, thanks very much for reading and for your comments.
Legendary Shark, I take on board everything you said and agree with it, I shall certainly incorporate all your ideas into the next draft, so thanks very much for your excellent suggestions.
Guys, please bear in mind that what I posted was just the briefest of outlines, just to give you the highlights of what went on. Obviously, much more went on in between, but I had just posted the idea, not a finished novel, by any means.
Now, back to the drawing board....
:-)
You're welcome, Grimm. I'm always happy to help a fellow scribbler!
So, it's just me who thought that was Scojo...?
Quote from: Banners on 26 April, 2016, 01:58:56 PM
So, it's just me who thought that was Scojo...?
No... it did have a certain Scott-ish quality to it, but the reasonable response to criticism suggests otherwise.
Cheers
Jim
Banners, I'd rather have someone tell me it was total crap than to say nothing, so thanks for taking the time out. If a few more honest folks tell me likewise, then at least I will know that I needn'd take it any further! :-)
Fair warning that I will be calling the lead character in my screenplay Grim Justice.
Quote from: Banners on 26 April, 2016, 01:58:56 PM
So, it's just me who thought that was Scojo...?
Never crossed my mind.
Jim, Banners, I'm baffled, in what way did the story have a Scottish feel. I wouldn't know how to do that, short of making some characters talk like Middenface! :-)
Professor, go ahead, no worries, " GRIM JUSTICE " was just a working title.
Legendary Shark, be honest, do you think it's worth taking any further, incorporating the much-needed changes, or should I go back to the day job? Personally, I think there is a story in there, even if still needs a lot of work, but, then again, I would think that.
Tell me, guys, what should I do?
I thank you all again for commenting and also everyone who took the time to read my idea.
P.S.
Legendary Shark, I know that I also need to address the matter pf Dredd's only needing one hour's sleep too! :-)
Quote from: GRIMM on 26 April, 2016, 05:35:45 PM
Jim, Banners, I'm baffled, in what way did the story have a Scottish feel.
They are referring to a nasty little troll called Scott who used to post under the name Scojo - he was banned several times but kept coming back under new names. Jim could always sniff him out like a bloodhound, but his one defining feature was a total inability to take on board any criticism or disagreement whatsoever. He had a terrible Dredd screenplay that he was hawking around, and at one point actually claimed that John Wagner doesn't really understand the character of Dredd!
You sound far too reasonable to be him!
Thanks for clearing that up, Dandontare! I couldn't understand what Banners meant!
Hey, I hope my idea isn't terrible, too! Ha ha!
No, I know it's early days and I've never done this before and am greatful for any advice whatsoever. Hopefully I'll get a story out of it in the end, with much help from you guys!
This is only day 1 for me.
BTW, Wagner is a genius!! :-)
Hi Grimm,
kudos to you for posting your story, you're a braver droid than me! :D keep going though, as Neil Gaiman said: "put one word after the other until it's finished"
all the best!
Quote from: GRIMM on 26 April, 2016, 05:35:45 PM
Legendary Shark, be honest, do you think it's worth taking any further, incorporating the much-needed changes, or should I go back to the day job? Personally, I think there is a story in there, even if still needs a lot of work, but, then again, I would think that.
You don't need me, or anybody, to tell you whether to write or not. If you want to write it, write it; if you don't, don't.
Bluemidget, thanks for the comments and support.
Legendary Shark, likewise, and thanks again for the suggestions. You have made me think of a few new ideas and, taking on board what you said it needed, I'm going to rewrite it and repost it!
Hopefully I won't get mistaken for Scojo by anybody next time! :-D
I can't help but feel that one day this thread will be locked.
Sorry, Dr. X, don't understand, I'm new at this, what does locked mean, - banned??
Why would I get banned for trying to write a fan story? Am I doing something I shouldn't?
Please explain, Dr. X.
I'm actually rather enjoying it, keep plugging at it and do be sure to take on board Sharkys advice, he's penned a few excellent Zarjaz stories if memory serves correct. The key is don't stop writing (like I do, then never get around to finishing things or uploading them in any small way like a gobshite)
And what I believe Dr.X meant is their appears to be some form of community curse hanging about the name Sc*j*. No matter how hard people try to get back on topic the stain of that cretins memory somehow always brings about said thread to be locked. It's...odd.
Thanks for the compliment, Hawkie - I appreciate it :-)
Yeah, and don't stop writing, Grimm. The key (I find) is to write the stories you want to read. This inevitably means that some of your stories won't be to others' tastes (I still get submissions rejected) but don't let that put you off. So long as you enjoy your writing, that's the main thing.
Hawkie, Sharky, thanks for that and for the encouragement. I have already re-written a completely different beginning to the story, taking on board what Sharky said on day 1 and I'm looking forward to finishing the story, but there are still a few things I haven't worked out yet. Yeah, I am writing it as a comic strip I would have liked to have read myself, but a much younger version of myself ( around the Apocalypse Wars days ). I certainly couldn't pen a literary masterpiece, today's comic standards are so high.
So, see you guys again in the near future and thanks again for all the support and helpful advice.
Oh, and I certainly won't mention the dreaded ( or is it Dredded? :-) ) "S" word again!
:-D