Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[Dark Jimbo]

I have new neighbours, who can't go a single day without standing outside (underneath my bedroom window) and smoking what seems like a whole pack of regular cigarettes. Being a devout non-smoker, it puts me off opening my window, as the stench makes me feel physically ill.

Simple - just start emptying your chamber pot out of the bedroom window!

[HdE]

An elegant solution - I like it!

[COMMANDO FORCES]

"Gardyloo!" 

[Something Fishy]

Had the docs appt. Cholesterol far too high.

Weight very healthy, well within the "ideal" bmi, fitness v good and no smoking, low drinking and diet generally fine.

So basically several risk factors low but because my Dad died of heart probs and mum has heart disease i'm still a high risk so statins it is.

Better to sort it now and 40 than to have heart attack at 50 i reckon (might anyway but have to try).

[House of Usher]

I had the whole day off so I thought I'd do some gardening. I started with sawing off the fuchsia stems the harsh winter killed off. A couple of plants into it the saw bounced across the back of my hand and almost cut it open: a nice big, deep, curved scratch. I was able to finish the job. There was very little blood, it clotted very quickly and I still haven't felt any pain from it. I've had a dressing pad on it all day and I daren't get my hand wet before tomorrow.

I know I should have worn gloves, but it was only a 10 minute job. There is a lesson there.

[maryanddavid]

Cholesterol is a funny thing, high fibre diet is the best for it apperantly, so long as you are connected to  a public sewer and not a septic tank!
My brother in law and Dad in law both have stints in. My bro in Law was only 40 when he got his, very fit, UEFA coach, mad into soccor, reasonably healthy lifestyle, but he smoked. Doc says the  smoking is no help, but its in his genes.
The flipside, my Dad is 73, he eats about a pound of butter(no joke) a week, fatty hairy boiled bacon, 3 spoons of sugar in his tea, and works the farm like a 20 year old, he gave up drink and cigs 40 years, his cholesterol is 3.7( the irish classification is the same as the UKs afaik).

What sort of saw were you using Ush, if it was a bushman and sharp, the blade shouldnt have slipped, unless there was some small ivy or briars in the way.  A bushman blade can be bought cheaply, and makes life a lot easier.

David

[Something Fishy]

Cholesterol is a funny thing, high fibre diet is the best for it apperantly, so long as you are connected to  a public sewer and not a septic tank!
My brother in law and Dad in law both have stints in. My bro in Law was only 40 when he got his, very fit, UEFA coach, mad into soccor, reasonably healthy lifestyle, but he smoked. Doc says the  smoking is no help, but its in his genes.
The flipside, my Dad is 73, he eats about a pound of butter(no joke) a week, fatty hairy boiled bacon, 3 spoons of sugar in his tea, and works the farm like a 20 year old, he gave up drink and cigs 40 years, his cholesterol is 3.7( the irish classification is the same as the UKs afaik).

What sort of saw were you using Ush, if it was a bushman and sharp, the blade shouldnt have slipped, unless there was some small ivy or briars in the way.  A bushman blade can be bought cheaply, and makes life a lot easier.

David

Yep. Doc tells me diet would have only a little influence on mine.  I'm pretty careful anyway. I don't smoke or drink much and i'm reasonably fit.  I just have a tendency to it  My Dads death was directly caused by blockage at 65 so i definitely want to be careful.

[Dandontdare]

Congratulations to House of Usher for being in the tiny minority of people who spell FUCHSIA correctly. (go on - ask someone - bet they get it wrong!)

[House of Usher]

My grandmother was growing them all around her rose garden before I was born, and then I read Titus Groan, so I'm quite familiar with the beasts.

[The Doctor Alt 8]

My own in-laws drive me to distraction (not least because of the deeply hurtful favouritism they endlessly display to their darling son as opposed to my wife), but I have a dear friend whose in-law troubles make mine seem entirely non-existant. 

To hear what my friend's husband's family come out with, you would swear their son had married a feral baby-eating smack-head from a mutated tribe of war-criminals, not the highly intelligent, witty, hard-working woman who manages to also be a published author and loving mother of their two grandchildren.  I'd take her reports with the usual pinch of salt one applies to one-sided domestic accounts, except that she can present the proof of this insanity - her in-laws enjoy sending her long intervention-style e-mails bullet-pointed with invented grievances and ultimata for their redress.   It's painful to watch the effect it has on her husband and herself, and the kids that don't know why their 'other' grandparents never send them birthday cards or come to visit.  Families, I ask you.

Perhaps she should do what that brideto be did with that moaning letter from her soon to be mother-in-law...

PUBLISH IT ON FACEBOOK... and watch them squerm.....

[radiator]

I submitted some work on Friday, but then the client ignored all my emails, neglecting to give me feedback or approve the work before leaving the office early. Obviously I couldn't send the work until it got approved, so I waited around like a mug until 7pm just in case anyone on their end got in touch.

...So now it's Monday morning and of course they NEED EVERYTHING NOW! This particular guy is also making very unreasonable (and technically impossible) demands and getting tangibly shirtier with every email. To make matters worse the client handler who could sort the situation out is away on holiday! I'm also stuck working at home, because I can't be away from the computer in case he asks for something else, and it takes me a good hour to get from here to the office.

If it's so important mate, maybe you should have done your work on Friday, rather than fucking off to the pub at 4pm!

I hate being made to feel as if this is somehow all my fault when the problem is their disorganisation! I've worked my arse off for them and been totally professional.

Clients, eh? Don't you just hate 'em?

[Radbacker]

got the new Oz Empire today and there was no Dredd in it

CU Radbacker

[COMMANDO FORCES]

At 03:41 today I nearly killed an idiot on the road!

I was driving along the A406 (the North Circular in London) at 50 mph, towards the Tottenham turn off. The road has a slip road joining it and then another exiting it, protecting these two slips is a massive concrete wall. As I approached the end of the wall, as the slip joins the main road, a person stepped out right in front of me and didn't even look in the direction of the oncoming traffic and he was wearing his hood up, Bugger 

I was probably less than 40 feet from him when I sounded my horn, slamming on the brakes (the road was wet from a recent downpour as well) and deciding which direction to turn to try an avoid him. The twat only goes and does a comedy fall in the middle of my lane. I turned the wheel to go left and hoped that I would mount the small kerb before the wall and not bounce back into the figure on the floor.

By some amazing luck he managed to scramble to the right and get out of my way by inches as I thundered past him. I looked in my mirror and saw him run to the central reservation, then run back the way he came and then vanish!

I wasn't bothered about killing him, as it would have been his fault (I'm a cold hearted bastard) but I had to get down the town today and buy Carolyn a present and card for her 40th tomorrow and didn't want to spend all day being interviewed by the police about what could have happened.

I reckon he was one of the sods from all the trouble in London last night, as the direction he came from was one of the areas smashed up!

[TordelBack]

I wasn't bothered about killing him, as it would have been his fault (I'm a cold hearted bastard) but I had to get down the town today and buy Carolyn a present and card for her 40th tomorrow and didn't want to spend all day being interviewed by the police about what could have happened.

If that isn't the plot of a Dredd one-off...

Lucky escape for both participants, all the same. 

[mogzilla]

the fact that he ran back the way he came suggests hes dodgy perhaps you should havesquashed him...

   my minor impediment is now my bad back and shoulder  after years nagging the wife we need a skip to do the attic mini mogs toys etc and every time getting an"i'll ebay it" (she never.) i have filled a skip with 13 years of crap and that only makes up half the space of the attic! we have 6 bin bags of cuddly toys to sell/charity sho[p 7 nappy boxes full of baby/toddler clothes and about the same in bin liners (her nephews just had a kid so we can palm some off on him! a rocking horse and the back wall of the attic is full of xmas decs 4 boxes and several bags! my wife goes a bit ott!!!!


oh, and we had a tramp going through ripping the bags while waiting for the skip to arrive but he did take the naff 5ft inflatable xmas tigger i refused to let them put out!


  gonna be sore in the morning.