Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[The Legendary Shark]

I once put my back out on account of a lorry-load of Christmas trees and a pillock. Ouchy indeed - hope it clears up soon, Mogz.

[mogzilla]

my fricken recliner sofa is fucked...was "zooping" it back to get up and do summat when there was a bang and it stopped working...the metal frame is sheared off and twisted so i've got to wait in friday for DFS to come and not accept ant responsibility for it...

[COMMANDO FORCES]

Went canoeing this afternoon with Sam and had great fun, only one slight problem though!

The Medway near Maidstone has claimed 3 lives this year alone (this is the river we were on) mainly due to people messing about and not wearing the correct kit. Well as I was finishing getting the craft ready and talking to a mate who had come down to have a chat about the whole canoe thing, Sam decided to take a running jump into the bloody river. I dropped everything and sprinted over to were he had entered the water and fished him out, all the while he kept saying "sorry dad!"

My mate then understood why I said he should buy life preservers for all who go on the water with him and Sam was all the proof that he needed to settle the cost matter. He also said he just froze as he watched Sam start his jump and watched me sprint off, I told him that it's all part of living with Sam.

After I had dragged buggerlugs out, I took his life preserver off and his T-Shirt and put my one on him to keep him dry and warmish. We then set off on our journey, me topless and Sam damp, what a pair.

Obviously I told Carolyn, as when we arrived back at our launch site she was sitting there, after finishing work 

Remember folks, when messing about on the water wear the proper kit, as I won't be there to save you when things go wrong 

[Rog69]

Since having our first child nearly six years ago my wife hasn't been back to work, I've managed to support us so that she can stay at home and look after the kids.

It's been a struggle and we are really feeling the pinch at the moment so it's looking like her indoors might well have to go find a job soon.

I came home today to find her in a shitty mood because the kids have been doing her head in all day and I overheard her say to my eldest "If you don't start behaving, I'll go back to work and you will have to go to a childminder".

The stupid cow now has my five year old thinking that a childminder is something like the child catcher out of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, which is going to cause no end of headaches for us when she inevitably does have to go.

Honestly, for a supposedly intelligent adult my wife is as thick as shit sometimes .

[vzzbux]

I am with you there Rog69.
Sometimes after a long day's work I come home to a wife in a shitty mood and she has the gaul to say that I should do more work round the house and help her more. All my spare time is dedicated to the kids (which is my choice as should be with any parent) and she says I don't do enough.
While I am at it. The wife has been harping on about me getting tickets sorted to see Rammestein in Feb. I obviously have been pretending to drag my arse about sorting it out. I ordered the tickets, They came addressed to me and she openes them. I explain they were going to be given to her for her birthday and she goes off on one saying I am unimaginitive .
It's weird how this breed can turn something round to make it your fault.



V

[TordelBack]

Our latest wine-making endeavour went tits-up last night.   We came down this morning to find that our newly-fermenting blackberry-apple-gorse flower wine had literally exploded, coating the entire room from ceiling to floor, wall to wall, with purple-stained flower petals and dried pulp.  Apparently we should have left the mash fermenting in the bucket for a bit longer before transferring it to the fermenter proper, because the pulp blocked the airlock and -KABLOOEY-, our kitchen is like a scene from Killing Time.  An applicé flower petal motif has now eaten through the paint on the walls, the ceiling, the kids paintings, books... it's hard to imagine the force that coated the walls 4m away, and left fist sized clumps of pulp hanging from the ceiling.  That's sugar and yeast for you. 

And that was the scraping of that day.

[The Legendary Shark]

Jeez, it's a good job you never drank any...

[TordelBack]

Chance would have been a fine thing - if you knew how long it took to gather those gorse flowers in the first place!  Overconfidence, that's the problem - we'd just debuted our successful 4th batch (based on simple grape concentrate, but aged 6 months) while camping at the weekend, and it had gone down very well with friends (too well, 6 bottles gone!), and so on our return launched straight into our most ambitious blend yet... but we got something badly wrong with the mix!

[The Legendary Shark]

"Tordel's TNT Tipple" - at least now you've got a name for it 

I know I made light of your mishap (not in a bad way, honest) but that's an awful lot of cleaning up you've got to do there. Hope it doesn't take too long and that your next batch is arsom.

Of course, it could have been a lot worse...

[Albion]

Our latest wine-making endeavour went tits-up last night.

Do you use a hydrometer in wine making?
I use one for brewing to check the fermentation has stopped and have never had a bottle bomb yet.

[TordelBack]

Do you use a hydrometer in wine making?

We did when we started out (although this was long prior to bottling, just first fermentation), but alas!  After reds, whites, grapefruit, pineapple, earl grey, green tea, blackberry, we thought we knew it all!  CSI report suggests that t'would have been fine but that the flower petals bubbled to top of the fermenter and blocked the airlock, which is why we should have let the mash sit longer to degass a bit...

Anyway, my brother has gifted us two tickets for Planet of the Apes tonight, and my parents have agreed to babysit, so some ape-on-human action will put this sorry tale of scientific hubris out of our minds!

[TordelBack]

@TLS:  No worries, to be honest we've had better laughs out of this than anything for ages.  Well, at least since last week when my 2 year old did her best Peppa Pig 'jumping in muddy puddles' routine... in what we subsequently discovered was a pool of urine left behind by my 'I couldn't hold it so I went in the garden' 5 year old. 

[Rog69]

I am with you there Rog69.
Sometimes after a long day's work I come home to a wife in a shitty mood and she has the gaul to say that I should do more work round the house and help her more. All my spare time is dedicated to the kids (which is my choice as should be with any parent) and she says I don't do enough.

I get this a lot too, it drives me nuts because although my wife does do a lot with the kids and all of the cooking and laundry, she actually makes more mess and work around the house than she actually does!

I probably work around 50-60 hours a week and still have to spend a lot of my precious time off actually tidying up after her but it's an impossible task, she has no idea when it comes to tidiness and hasn't a clue when it comes to basic aesthetics, she is just blind to mess. On a daily basis I have to clear up crap that she just leaves around everywhere, windowsills and staircases seem to be her favourite storage areas and her idea of tidying something away is to stuff it in a carrier bag and leave it in a corner or on the landing floor.

I swear if anything ever happens to me you will see her on one of those life of grime type programmes, quietly sobbing as the authorities search for my body buried deep beneath bin liners full of old coat hangers and old clothes.

[TordelBack]

...when it comes to tidiness and hasn't a clue when it comes to basic aesthetics, she is just blind to mess. On a daily basis I have to clear up crap that she just leaves around everywhere, windowsills and staircases seem to be her favourite storage areas and her idea of tidying something away is to stuff it in a carrier bag and leave it in a corner or on the landing floor.

It's a good job we never got hitched, Rog, 'cos you're describing me! 

[mogzilla]

ahhhh..but does anyone have one that when you do tidy up its "never as good" as she'd do it..."you dont do it right"