Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[Dandontdare]

I don't think the annoying pigeons that have been trying to roost on my balcony will be back - came back last night to find a half-eaten pigeon and veritable blizzard of feathers, which are a pain in the arse to clean up. Either the squirrels have turned carnivore, or the neighbourhood cats have worked out how to get up the scaffolding that's up at the moment. Cats: 1, Pigeons:0 maybe this should've been in the "sometimes sort of okay" thread instead!

[Roger Godpleton]

Stabbed myself in the hand with a pen.

[exilewood]

Stabbed myself in the hand with a pen.

I would advise the imeadiate draughting of a contract with Beelzebub, written in your own blood (or whatever courses through the Godpleton veins) granting you impossible skillz on the guitar.

[Emperor]

Got a piece of apple skin trapped down the gum of my wisdom tooth. Prodding at it only seems to make it worse, so I'm opting for painkillers to take away the pain and hope it sorts itself out (I've had toothbrush bristles and rogue whiskers caught in my gum before but they've usually come out quickly).

[exilewood]

Eeh, by gum...."Down the gum", "In my gum", what is it with Northerners and gums?

[Emperor]

Eeh, by gum...."Down the gum", "In my gum", what is it with Northerners and gums?

Because, unlike soft southerners, we eat our fruit with their skins on. Including bananas and pineapples.

[Roger Godpleton]

Emperor will use any piffling incident to justify his prodigious painkiller intake.

[Emperor]

Emperor will use any piffling incident to justify his prodigious painkiller intake.

I have to get an opium enema before reading your posts.

[SmallBlueThing]

Because ive had to have two days off work due to extreme back pain. Went to the doctor today, and was immediately sent to the hospital for an xray, with suspected cracked scapula. I have diazepam and tramadol to take in the meantime.

Tomorrow i have a camera shoved up my arse, so have d to spend the evening on my first course of movelat, and as a result hosing on the toilet. Have to do it again tomorrow morning- and i havent been allowed to eat anything since a bag of chips at lunch. Next food to pass my lips will be 6pm tomorrow.

SBT

[Emperor]

Blimey, I think that qualifies for "Life Spugs" as none of that is a minor impediment even if it happened by itself (other than eating chips).

My only thought is shoving a camera up your arse is an unusual treatment for a cracked scapula but I'm sure the doctor knows best. 

[vzzbux]

Who knows them might tickle your G-spot.




V

[Dandontdare]

Tomorrow i have a camera shoved up my arse, so have d to spend the evening on my first course of movelat, and as a result hosing on the toilet. Have to do it again tomorrow morning- and i havent been allowed to eat anything since a bag of chips at lunch. Next food to pass my lips will be 6pm tomorrow.

I had that last year - that Movelot stuff certainly works. Do not stray more than 20 yards from a loo for the next few hours. On the upside, the sedative they give you is bloody lovely. As they injected it, I remember saying "ooh that's nice - can I have some to take home?" before waking up back in my bed two hours later. Apparently I was awake and talking during the procedure, but it's like medicinal Rohypnol, I don't remember a thing.

I did awake to find a hideously colourful photo of my colon by the bed though, like I'd been on a ride at Alton Towers. I was then left to fret for two weeks till my follow up consultation as to whether that bilious vista was normal or a sign of terminal lurgy. (Luckily I have a very fine colon for a man my age, apparently).

[Emperor]

I did awake to find a hideously colourful photo of my colon by the bed though, like I'd been on a ride at Alton Towers. I was then left to fret for two weeks till my follow up consultation as to whether that bilious vista was normal or a sign of terminal lurgy. (Luckily I have a very fine colon for a man my age, apparently).

Sow us the photo or it never happened.

[SmallBlueThing]

Sadly, the one im having done is without anaesthetic. Or even an anusthetic, mores the pity. The movelat is effective, yet horrendous and im now on my second dose. Ahead of me i have an enema in six hours, then something probably the size of a 3D panaflex camera is going to zoom in for a looksee up my harry chuffer. Really looking forward to today!

SBT

[TordelBack]

Sounds like a right spugarama to me SBT - the very best of Betegeusian with all that.   

Maybe Michaelvk or Joe Soap could advise on the most comfortable rig for a Red One camera?