Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[paddykafka]

Hi SBT! Perhaps you could quote Betty Davis' final line from "All About Eve" to your surgeon: "I'm ready for my Close-Up, Mr De Mille!"

[SuperSurfer]

Yowza, SBT – cracked scapula. Sounds off the scale painful.

Shoulders are complicated things. I have a recurring problem with mine which I made worse back in November and it's still giving me jip. I was supposed to get a letter for physio two weeks after I saw the doc but alas, no letter. Must get round to calling them.

I hope all went well today. As well as that kind of thing could go. Do they do it in 3D nowadays? (Sorry, shouldn't jest)

[SmallBlueThing]

Ive been here (posting from my private room, no less) for two hours and am due to go in soon. Avoided the enema, which was lucky.

Avoided as in 'dont need one', not 'stepped out of the way'.

I just want to eat something! It's been nearly 27 hours! Not even allowed a cup of tea! Right now id happily allow an entire bbc film crew, led by jeremy clarkeson access to my bowels, if they'd give me sausage and mash.

SBT

[COMMANDO FORCES]

I had that the other year SBT and I found the way they put the TV monitor right in front of my line of vision very interesting. You watch the camera approach and brace for impact and before you know it you are watching one of those programmes on the tv but it's not, it's your arse and bowels. Before I knew it, it was all over and I had the all clear. I suppose I should have asked for a copy to show at family gatherings 

I decided upon no drugs, as I just wanted to get back home before the rush hour traffic (I was seen at Tonbridge Wells, Drokk knows why).

[Steve Green]

When I get that done, I'm going to have the music when they do the trench run in Star Wars.

Hope you're feeling better soon Steev...

[TordelBack]

When I get that done, I'm going to have the music when they do the trench run in Star Wars.

"They came from... behind".

[IAMTHESYSTEM]

I think we'll all be thinking about you SBT as you endure your own Trench run. Let's hope they don't bulls eye your exhaust port setting off a cataclysmic explo..sorry, sorry SBT got carried away there.

Hope it's not too awful and your well again soon.

[SmallBlueThing]

Cheers for the good wishes, folks. Yeah, I went without the drugs too, as i didnt want to faff about with recovery times and just wanted to get home as soon as possible. All went fine, and I'll get the results back in a week or so- but looking at the video, all looked healthy to my untrained eye. Amazingly I didn't even feel it when they snipped bits out of me for the biopsies.

If you will allow me one tale of nauseating disgust, that I found (after the event) quite amusing: They don't let you eat for over twenty-four hours, and clear you out using MoviPrep http://bkirkeby.blogspot.co.uk/2008/08/there-is-life-after-movi-prep.html , as a result of this, when the doctor greases you up and inserts the camera, you really don't have anything left in your intestines except air and some liquid. He explains that afterwards you will feel some bloating as he's forcing air in with the camera, to open the bowel. You'll want to fart, he says, so do it.

Post-procedure, back on the ward, you are very farty indeed. Then you are offered a drink and a biccy. Great! I went for a banana milkshake, and it was delicious. However, on the way back to the bus stop, I was still immensely farty, and thought I'd let a sneaky one out. No harm could possibly come of it- there's nothing up there to come out, surely? A-ha, no. If you remember nothing else you've been told today, remember this: When there is nothing in your body and you drink banana milkshake, said banana milkshake is processed very quickly. Twenty minutes after drinking it, I farted at the bus stop and hosed banana milkshake into my undercrackers.

Thankfully, I had the bus more or less to myself on the way home.

SBT

[Emperor]

Thankfully, I had the bus more or less to myself on the way home.

Even though it was crowded when you got on.

[IAMTHESYSTEM]

I'm the one feeling unwell now.

Well that didn't sound to bad. SBT merely spray shat in his undies in public. What could be upsetting about that?

My heart goes out to you SBT.  Awful! I take back my crass joke immediatly. AWFUL! 

[TordelBack]

That's one milkshake that won't be bringing any boys to the yard.

You poor bastard.

[COMMANDO FORCES]

Brilliant!

That nearly beats the slug 

[Something Fishy]

I am so glad I just had the cup of tea when I had mine now 

[staticgirl]

I'm glad I wasn't drinking my tea when I read Tordelback's response else my screen would be wrecked.

[Ancient Otter]

Should we be a starting a new thread for ill board members? Lot of members not well these days, hope ye get better soon.