Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[A.Cow]

Drokk! I've woken up after 3 hours sleep and feel refreshed. I don't know what to do!

You could do some of my marking for me.  I'm drowning under student submissions.   

[COMMANDO FORCES]

Sorry! I watched telly instead.

[Tiplodocus]

I'm at the airport and delayed by an hour and ten minutes. And you only get thirty minutes free Wi-Fi.

[Link Prime]

I'm at the airport and delayed by an hour and ten minutes. And you only get thirty minutes free Wi-Fi.

I am too for the past 2 hours, but have just (ingeniously) used friends mobile numbers to start a new free 30 min cycle if necessary.

[von Boom]

We've problem with the plumbing today so there's no water until it's fixed.

[House of Usher]

I really hate 'going forward.' I much prefer 'from now on,' which is plainer English.

[radiator]

I just had a packet of crispy bacon wheat crunchies.

There were precisely twelve crisps in the packet.

What kind of horseshit are they trying to pull here?

[JamesC]

They were Wheat Credit-Crunchies.

[Spikes]

Because my right eye's has gone a bit gammy.

[I, Cosh]

I really hate 'going forward.' I much prefer 'from now on,' which is plainer English.

Henceforth.

[Dark Jimbo]

They were Wheat Credit-Crunchies.

Bravo, sir.

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

For the past three days, I have received the exact same junk mail, a flyer for specsavers (I don't wear glasses), an offer for cheap internets (from the provider I already use, from whom I'm getting a cheaper price than the offer on the leaflet), a gas supplier (same situation as the internet) and a mini catalogue of Eurospar offers (there isn't a Eurospar 'round here for miles). The same fucking unnecessary fucking wastes of fucking paper, every fucking day for three fucking days. The fucking environment is fucked so it is.

[mogzilla]

we was really looking forward to a chinese tonight so went on just eat and booked one at 6.30 with our slot for 7.25   we then waited and waited and then i rang them up and i swear the place must be doubling as a taxi rank as i got the "it on its way" she then hung up as i was still taliking at 8.15 the wife rang she being more patient than i and was told it would be another 15-20 minutes!!!! it would have been quicker to walk down and queue so we had bacon butties instead 

[Rog69]

For the past three days, I have received the exact same junk mail, a flyer for specsavers (I don't wear glasses), an offer for cheap internets (from the provider I already use, from whom I'm getting a cheaper price than the offer on the leaflet), a gas supplier (same situation as the internet) and a mini catalogue of Eurospar offers (there isn't a Eurospar 'round here for miles). The same fucking unnecessary fucking wastes of fucking paper, every fucking day for three fucking days. The fucking environment is fucked so it is.

Having recently left the mailing sector of the print industry I can assure you that the environment is the least fucked of the two sides 

[Emp]

I made the mistake of listening to a double glazing salesman (Safestyle ) in early December and although he never got in the door and i told him that if we were interested we would let them know they have been on the phone every other week. Things came to a head today when i told them that if i ever was going to get new windows they'd be the last bastards i call and if they phoned again i would be reporting them to trading standards.

They couldn't apologise enough after that.