Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[Link Prime]

What the fook's that all about?

Wish I knew old bean.
What I do know is that my misery increased exponentially as the day went on, and I had to chair a meeting at 2pm looking EXACTLY like Odo from Deep Space Nine that time he caught the ol melty virus.

A hilarious time was had by all attendees.

[radiator]

Think I might start requesting no birthday or xmas gifts from now on, or perhaps stipulate nothing that isn't edible.

Not to be totally ungrateful or anything, but I'm completely baffled as to what my friends thought i would want to do with a Lego X Wing....

Do they actually know me at all?

Now I'm in an awkward dilemma of what to do with the bloody thing. Is it wrong to put it straight on eBay?

[Noisybast]

Sounds like it's that or the charity shop. You might as well at least get some beer money out of it.

The 32gb microSD card in my phone has failed for the second and apparently final time. I only bought it about six months ago. Cheap tat...

[Hawkmumbler]

Be kind hearted and assume it was a drunk purchase.

[radiator]

Anyone else here live with a borderline hoarder?

I used to just think my girlfriend was just a bit disorganised/untidy in a charming sort of way, but these days I'm beginning to wonder if she is actually showing early signs of that worrying hoarder mentality, and might end up like one of those people you see on TV with old matresses blocking the doorways and rotting cat carcasses buried under mounds of junk.

Basically, she never gets rid of anything without a fight. I have to wage a constant battle to keep the living room in some sort of presentable order (I simply cannot work or create in a messy environment), but long ago had to cede the rest of the flat to anarchy. I sometimes feel that I must be the only person in the world who routinely gets a bollocking for tidying the flat while their partner is out.

Once in a blue moon she relents and agrees to spend an afternoon with me tackling the torrent of crap that threatens to overwhelm the flat.... but while I find a good spring clean calming and enjoyable, for her it is like pulling teeth, and she spends so long agonising over what to do with every single useless piece of junk that after a few hours we have barely scratched the surface of the problem and then she's bored, and that's that for another six months. It's always "We'll get this sorted next week/month", but the day never arrives.

Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of thing, or is a hoarder themselves? I'm seriously considering going on a complete housework strike from now on and seeing how bad is has to get for her to realise there's a serious problem. Moaning/talking about it is utterly futile and generally just leads to arguments.

[Dandontdare]

I'm seriously considering going on a complete housework strike from now on and seeing how bad is has to get for her to realise there's a serious problem. Moaning/talking about it is utterly futile and generally just leads to arguments.

hmm - I reckon you'd crack before she does, this sort of tactic rarely works, she'll just think you've come around to her way of thinking.

I'm a bit of a hoarder myself, but you need to have the space and I do enjoy a big sort-out and clearance now and then, but I'm just too lazy to do it often.

You need to discuss some ground rules - maybe one area, a table or corner where stuff can be dumped - if it's full, then it must be cleared before adding any more junk; or a monthly 'tidy up' day linked to something nice, a meal out perhaps.

Or simply pile everything in a big heap in the front garden and refuse to let it back int he house! 

[radiator]

I'm a bit of a hoarder myself, but you need to have the space and I do enjoy a big sort-out and clearance now and then, but I'm just too lazy to do it often.

Don't get me wrong - I own a lot of stuff too, but it's all so organised and tidy it doesn't really take up much space in the flat - for example I own a lot of graphic novels, but they are all neatly contained on one bookshelf, likewise DVDs etc. I have regular clear outs and get rid of anything I haven't used for a couple of years - you have to, or it gets totally overwhelming, very quickly - especially stuff like paperwork/bank statements etc. I am quite ruthless, and have just a single shoebox which has all my things with 'sentimental value' in. I think the problem is that everything my girlfriend owns seems to have sentimental value to her.

I thought when we moved into our new flat things would improve as we have a lot more space now, but all it means is there's more space for her junk. She used to claim that the reason for her mess was that she didn't have any place to store her stuff, so I bought her some storage units and chests of drawers... which were promptly stuffed full of useless junk.

Or simply pile everything in a big heap in the front garden and refuse to let it back int he house!

I have actually fantasised about waiting til she goes away for a weekend, and essentially doing this. I'd be in a whole world of pain when she got back of course, but man it'd be worth it! 

[von Boom]

I suggest moving. I've never considered myself a hoarder, but after 12 years in the same place I couldn't believe the amount of useless junk I was holding onto. It's much easier to part with things than moving them.

[Link Prime]

Just dropped my ipad. Dented the corner, but hasn't affected anything else.
The urge to SCREAM is so intense that I'm worried I'd keel over dead after letting it out.

[Rog69]

Anyone else here live with a borderline hoarder?

Yes, you are not alone Radiator, I could have written your post word for word about my wife.

I wish I could offer some advise but I am at a loss myself, I have no idea how to get her to change her ways and believe me I have tried but she just doesn't realise she has any kind of problem. Her Sister and Mother are exactly the same as her too.

It's very frustrating to live with someone like this, anything that isn't obvious rubbish can be a real challenge to get rid of.

My wife will put a kind of preservation order on things we don't need any longer, for example there is a pushchair that is taking up half of the porch, my youngest has been walking for over two years now but every time I mention getting rid of the buggy she will suddenly think of someone who is expecting who might want it, but it never gets any further than that. There is a similar story for all of the crap in my house.

The other fight I constantly have is the way she stores stuff, she has no concept of what is an appropriate place to keep something long term, I am forever clearing stuff of window sills, staircases and worktops that would just stay where it was otherwise.

[radiator]

Anyone else here live with a borderline hoarder?

Yes, you are not alone Radiator, I could have written your post word for word about my wife.

I wish I could offer some advise but I am at a loss myself, I have no idea how to get her to change her ways and believe me I have tried but she just doesn't realise she has any kind of problem. Her Sister and Mother are exactly the same as her too.

It's very frustrating to live with someone like this, anything that isn't obvious rubbish can be a real challenge to get rid of.

My wife will put a kind of preservation order on things we don't need any longer, for example there is a pushchair that is taking up half of the porch, my youngest has been walking for over two years now but every time I mention getting rid of the buggy she will suddenly think of someone who is expecting who might want it, but it never gets any further than that. There is a similar story for all of the crap in my house.

The other fight I constantly have is the way she stores stuff, she has no concept of what is an appropriate place to keep something long term, I am forever clearing stuff of window sills, staircases and worktops that would just stay where it was otherwise.

Oh yes, all so true! Glad someone else understands.

There are particular things that seem to accumulate. I can remember one time I tidied the flat and found 7 empty mineral water bottles scattered around the place. After much negotiation, I was allowed to get rid of 5 of them. Old newspapers and magazines are another one. Also: bags. Bags everywhere. Bags hanging off every door handle. Bags within bags.

[Rog69]

We have the bags too. They seem to contain mainly old clothes and shoes belonging to her and the kids, each one is overfilled to bursting point and usually has a coat hanger jutting out of the side.
I have actually made some progress with the bags recently and managed to sort through most of them and drop the stuff off to the charity bins at the supermarket.

I try to stay vigilant and get on top of them as soon as they appear now, it seems to be easier to get rid of stuff sooner rather than later, I also try to pre-empt which items might be about to get the preservation order treatment and try to get rid of them before she has a chance to think about it.

[radiator]

Jeez, sounds like you have it a lot worse than me!

As I said I manage to keep the living room/kitchen fairly tidy, but it's a constant struggle, and she usually insists on keeping a bit of mess intact, almost as a protest. She has the mentality that - because we use something regularly, say the Hoover, there is no point in ever putting it away and will happily leave it strewn across the living room floor.

One tactic I've found that works is to get rid of the really useless little things bit by bit and hope she doesn't notice (and to nip things in the bud as you say, before they get 'settled'), or to group things together in neat piles (like receipts, which are always all over the bloody place).

Another frustrating thing she does is to kick off and prevent me from tidying and insist on doing it herself, but she always does a really half-assed job. There are also things like decorating and DIY - I have to really push for months to get things like that done because she always comes up with an excuse for why we can't do it (or again, why we should leave a job half-finished), but if I didn't nag we'd still be sitting in an in decorated flat now!

[Dandontdare]

they are probably both on other forums moaning about OCD husbands who keep moving their stuff! 

[radiator]

In fact this is just it - for years it has been ME with the problem. It's only after a few recent incidents I have started to worry that her behaviour shows real signs of that hoarder mentality and is actually more serious than my mildly obsessive fastidiousness. She seems to have a definite problem when it comes to dealing with change and letting stuff go.