Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[Noisybast]

Indeed. Gotta say, Radiator, that's an astonishing lack of empathy you're showing to another human being in pain.

Nah, I can totally see where he's coming from. My girlfriend went through a *long* phase where I seriously considered ending our relationship, so unpleasant was her company around that special time. You can be supportive and considerate up to a point, but sooner or later, she has to take responsibility for her actions and face the fact that she's behaving unreasonably.

[radiator]

Thanks for the backup.

I wasn't going to elaborate, but Richmond - very easy for you to say that, but believe me when I say that I am NOT just talking about a bit of grumpiness and sulking here. I could deal with that no problem. I'm not really prepared to go into details here, but it is often truly unbearable. I don't say that lightly.

Genuinely interested to hear other people's experiences, or tips for getting through it.

[Definitely Not Mister Pops]

Genuinely interested to hear other people's experiences, or tips for getting through it.

Chocolate.

I'm not an expert on women or relationships, but I did grow up as the only boy out of four children, and have been living with the same girl for 8 years now, and even though I don't don't know the emotional complexities of your relationship, I can tell you that chocolate will probably play a part in the solution.

If you're looking for advice, I probably can't tell you anything you haven't heard before. Try to be accommodating and understanding, and if that gets thrown back in your face, being a bit pissed off about the whole thing is perfectly understandable.

[A.Cow]

Women get PMT but some easily forget that they're not the only person suffering as a result of it.

Someone who's in pain expects sympathy & empathy ... but what about the poor sod having to live with tyrannical emotional abuse?

My wife suffered from depression for a number of years.  Very, very, shite for her, being battered by her own head 24-hours-a-day.  But also shite for me, because I'd crawl home knackered from a 12-hour day, only to face a barrage of mood swings, irrational arguments & tantrums (and slobbish mess to clean up), and take double-the-hit shielding the kids from it too.

I have every sympathy for you, Radiator.

[radiator]

That's just it.

Look, I can totally understand how to some I am coming across as a whinging, unsympathetic self-centered pig, but I really cannot overstate how bad it can get from time to time. It really is inescapable and inevitable. Relentless, full-on temper tantrums (that I had previously thought only toddlers capable of) that can last until 2,3 or even 4am - often when we both have to be up for work in the morning. And that's not even the half of it. No amount of 'apologising' (for entirely imagined slights), understanding, pleading or - as a last resort - indifference can do a thing to calm things down. Several entire holidays have been completely ruined by it.

I also cannot overstate what a wonderful, vibrant, inspiring and caring woman she is the other 75% of the time.

It sucks!

[Hawkmumbler]

One women suffers from PMT. One man suffers the consequences.

[Sideshow Bob]

Sorry to hear about your troubles Radiator mate....and sorry as well for the agonies your partner is going through...
But honestly,  it sounds more like Depression 'triggered' by that awful time of the month, other than 'just' PMT....( which in itself is bad enough )....
If it is Depression, you have my deepest sympathies, as my Mrs had / still has that,  and I'm afraid it's absolutely devastating to any relationship......
If it is Depression she needs to go to the Doctors ASAP......and that is going to be difficult for her as well......
She needs constant support here Mate......but unfortunately that may not be enough....
Good luck and Best Wishes to you both...

[TordelBack]

Relentless, full-on temper tantrums (that I had previously thought only toddlers capable of) that can last until 2,3 or even 4am - often when we both have to be up for work in the morning. And that's not even the half of it. No amount of 'apologising' (for entirely imagined slights), understanding, pleading or - as a last resort - indifference can do a thing to calm things down. Several entire holidays have been completely ruined by it.

See, you could be talking about me there on not-infrequent occasion, and while I am working towards a fine set of boobs I am not a woman.  As a result you have my sincere sympathy - how my partner has put up with almost a quarter century of that shite I have no idea, and just like your GF I resolutely refuse to seek or accept help before, during or after, meaning the whole thing repeats, admittedly at unpredictable and more widely-spaced intervals.  This is despite my wife's unflagging support and sympathy, none of which do a jot a good at the time, and her obvious quiet suffering, which generally makes thing worse.

It's always struck me that the worst aspects of PMS are so close to aspects of the depression cycle that the general failure to equate the two is baffling.  That one is supposedly a normal consequence of essential bodily function with a specific timing, and the other an aberrant mental illness with a more open-ended runtime seems like a category problem rather than any real difference in the effects on lives.  You would of course be on a hiding to nowhere suggesting that severe PMS such as you describe should be addressed as mental illness, since the latter still labours under a massive stigma that no healthy person is going to appreciate having waved at them.  However, people, including those for whom this is a 'natural, normal, healthy' part of biological function, should not have to suffer like this, and nor should their loved ones.  Who's being sympathetic or empathetic doesn't come into it, since it rarely makes any ruddy difference.

There really should be a way to deal with this for everyone's sakes, that doesn't simply equate to 'chocolate, and keep your head down', or my personal position of 'thank feck I'm a man'.  Fucked if I know what it is, though.

[radiator]

Thanks chaps, but I really, really don't think it's that - as I say she is absolutely, 100% fine most of the time. Proper life and soul of the party type; outgoing, confident, warm, driven, utterly incapable of lying or deceit... the complete opposite of me, really . And trust me, this definitely isn't just a front masking or overcompensating for some latent depression or sadness.

In all honesty I've been looking into: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premenstrual_dysphoric_disorder

...but I suppose the first step is getting her to see that it's a real thing - the problem is that she is always able to somehow justify her outrageous behaviour, and convince herself that it's just as much my fault as it is hers (she has perhaps acknowledged/owned up to 10% of the problem after years of me trying to get through to her about it), and by the time the cycle finally calms down, the absolute last thing I want to do is bring it all up again!

[TordelBack]

That looks promising, Radiator, although I do cringe to see Prozac at the head of the list of possible treatments...  I find myself unhappily akin to antivaxers when it comes to that stuff.

[radiator]

That looks promising, Radiator, although I do cringe to see Prozac at the head of the list of possible treatments...

Quite.

Interestingly, a close friend of mine recently told me that his wife had always suffered from quite extreme and uncontrollable PMS, and that the symptoms had almost completely been brought under control after her stopping taking the pill. Can only find broadly anecdotal evidence of this online though.

[COMMANDO FORCES]

So Thought Bubble and MCM Birmingham Comic Con are on over the same weekend!

There will be between 20-40 Judges on patrol at Birmingham, what do I do!

[Spikes]

Book out Justice One for the day, and do both?
Phil Collins at Live Aid managed a similar feat, and anything Phil Collins can do.....

[Hawkmumbler]

I'll just be at Thought Bubble, so will miss that little brigade.

[TordelBack]

There will be between 20-40 Judges on patrol at Birmingham, what do I do!

WWJDD?

Or to put it another way, how would Justice best be served?