Attempts at the sample scripts

[mogga1981]

Heres my attempt at the Cycle Of Violence Script, I do plan to Ink and maybe colour this at some point. Any feedback would be great.

http://mikemcgeecomicart.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/judge-dredd-samples/

Thanks

[Emperor]

Heres my attempt at the Cycle Of Violence Script, I do plan to Ink and maybe colour this at some point. Any feedback would be great.

http://mikemcgeecomicart.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/judge-dredd-samples/

It looks good, I eagerly await seeing an inked version. However, before you get the brushes out you might want to check the visual references I link to in the first post on this thread - there are a few good shots of the Academy of Law and I think there are some for the older Lawgiver (the early part of the story is a flashback so Dredd wouldn't be using a modern design). Just a couple of quick tweaks but it might be worth it.

[pauljholden]

I'm feeling a little fatigued over this particular script - entirely my own fault- I can't imagine how Matt feels.

On panel 1 perspective on the figure is way off base.
Panel 2: the perspective here as the effect of making it look like the SIMS (and you have a big directional tangent - http://schweizercomics.tumblr.com/post/11966164633/the-schweizer-guide-to-spotting-tangents - running from dredd's leg, down to the sofa on the page - they're all in a single line) (incidentally, this is exactly the same angle as the previous panel )

Panel 3 is a bit contrary to the script, here the kid looks scared.

Overall the backgrounds here look very spartan. I like the chunky dredd - and, I'm sure some of the x-forces members of the board, will applaud dredd's double handed grip.

-pj

Panel 4 - why are the dad and the kid looking at totally different things?

[mogga1981]

Thanks for the feedback, I can see what you mean about it looking like the Sims, never thought of it like that before and also the line down from Dredds leg through the sofa. Ill have a look at these problems and the other things you mentioned and give it a tweek.

[mogga1981]

Heres my attempt at the Cycle Of Violence Script, I do plan to Ink and maybe colour this at some point. Any feedback would be great.

http://mikemcgeecomicart.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/judge-dredd-samples/

It looks good, I eagerly await seeing an inked version. However, before you get the brushes out you might want to check the visual references I link to in the first post on this thread - there are a few good shots of the Academy of Law and I think there are some for the older Lawgiver (the early part of the story is a flashback so Dredd wouldn't be using a modern design). Just a couple of quick tweaks but it might be worth it.

Thanks, Ill give the reference a look and make some amendments.

[Simon Fraser]

Some general points on mogga1981's version...

I like the weight and heft of the characters, they look like they inhabit space, Dredd himself looks threatening. I'm not entirely convinced by the spaces around them though. Is that a living room? It's a bit isometric/diagrammatic, as PJ pointed out. Watch where you put your floor lines, they often seem too high.

A pet peeve of mine is the teeth bared expression, you use it a LOT. In real life people almost never do that, there are so many interesting human facial expressions you could go for, this one might as well be a rubber stamp with the word 'ANGRY' written on it. Try acting out the scene in front of a mirror, try and feel what each character is feeling. I guarantee that you will see something more interesting than this.

Your panel compositions are often too tight, you are fighting for space, cramping the action instead of allowing the scene to breath. Be wary of excessive cropping, it suggest lack of planning.

Work on your figure drawing more ( I can say that to just about everyone, including myself ) your figures are a bit dummy-like, you need to be thinking about posture, the dynamics of weight, then adding all the Judge clobber. It can be very difficult to make that uniform look dynamic but it gives you lots of ellipses and curves to give it all a sense of mass and help you with foreshortening.

You are doing a lot of things right, but I think you need to get on and draw a LOT of actual comics to shake out some of your bad habits and get some fluidity into the drawing. Talk to the Zarjaz people, or write and draw your own webcomic . Keeping a regular schedule on a web comic can excellent professional training.

[mogga1981]

Thanks for the advice, its good to get this kind of feedback. Im going to back and revise the pages and try and incorporate the advice as best I can.

[daved7]

Thanks for the advice, its good to get this kind of feedback. Im going to back and revise the pages and try and incorporate the advice as best I can.

Hi As a reader rather than a creator i always think the Academy of Law looks better from ground level the same
with the city it just seems more oppressive apart from that i do like the majority of the other pages 

[Nick Shepherd]

[Nick Shepherd]

[Rorschachs_Journal]

Awesome Nick!

[Nick Shepherd]

Cheers dude!

[mrstu]

that looks great nick

[El Chivo]

Like the shot down the toilet bowl Nick
Gonna have to have a go at this

Chi

[allistermac]

Judge Dredd - Cycle Of Violence: Revised Page 2
Work and other commitments have conspired to keep me away from my drawing for too long. I have managed to make some changes to the second page of my submission. The crits and encouragement on this forum have been a great help to me and my submission will be all the better for it.

PJ noticed I was using a lot of mid shots and suggested I try coming at some of the panels from a different angle. This led me to try the 4th panel from inside the toilet, I see that Nick took the same approach on his version. I'm not sure if what is going on is obvious enough in my attempt.
Once again, any feedback is welcomed and I'll try and get the rest of the pages revised and up here before too long.