Dave Evans, R.I.P.

[SmallBlueThing(Reborn)]

I'm so glad to see the kickstarter exceed its target, but the words that came with it were almost beyond my capacity to process. I hope Dave's family can take some small comfort from the outpouring of love that has been expressed, though I would imagine that will not come easily or quickly.

And I will add to what has been said on this thread only to agree. Issues with mental health seems to be something with which many of us here have particular personal experience. Myself included. If anyone, ever, feels close to making any kind of final act, then please *reach out*. I'm only still here because of an accidental sequence of events- but within an hour of those events happening, I realised that they saved me from making a terrible final step. I would hate for anyone else to get to that point and have to rely on an accident to save them, when there are people ready and willing to step in. We can't lose anyone else.

SBT

[Jim_Campbell]

This is impossible to process. Bolt lit up any room, and reached out to everyone, regardless of their social difficulties or shyness. I find it incredible that there was any darkness in him. This breaks my heart all over again.

I talked to Izz yesterday and I tried, inadequately, to explain how I struggled at cons for years, how a crippling sense of 'imposter syndrome' left me feeling alone and isolated, and how Dave was always someone I could guarantee talking to would make me feel accepted and welcome.*

I’d do anything just to sit and chat with him.

Yeah. I know, mate. We'll have a drink for him at Thought Bubble, I hope.

*And you. You big old REDACTED, you. 

[Dog Deever]

I did some stuff for Amanda Kear on old photocopy style Dogbreath- some illustrations and a crap strip. I heard from Dr Bob that she'd handed it over, I can't recall who to but IIRC I contacted them after long deliberation- I think that might have been when I joined the board on Dr Bob's recommendation. I was told it was being taken over by Dave & Rich at FQP and it took me a while again to make contact- I did some digging about Furturequake and saw how good it looked and was more than a little intimidated- I thought they'd politely tell me they were full up, but Dave was really enthusiastic and took a risk on a guy he'd never met, didn't know at all and didn't know anyone who knew him. All he had to go on was a handful of shit pictures and a crummy strip.

By the time I met him and Rich at Hi-Ex 2010 Dave felt like a friend- I'd done some stuff for those early FQP Dogbreath's and we'd communicated quite a bit but my health was starting to fail after Swine Flu- I think I was on heavy-duty antibiotics at the con. When I met him for the first time it was like I had known him for ages and he was so supportive and encouraging. And Rich too- I don't want him to think it was just Dave, not at all.

Health problems spiralled with post-viral infections and bottomed out with serious mental breakdown, off work, head full of pills- sitting staring at a wall and not speaking to any of my family at all- it must have been like living in Shallow Grave. I blew a strip for Something Wicked- it was going okay but I wasn't.
I felt so bad about it and was beating myself up and making things worse but Dave was so understanding, so patient- now I know why and it makes it all the more terrible a thing.

Through my smashed arm, my Mum dying, struggling with rehabbing my arm, painkiller dependency and depression relapses around all of that, Dave & Richmond never kicked me into touch- "soon as you're ready, give us a call". Rich even wrote a 3-page strip for Dogbreath specially to get me a bite-sized start again. It was like a life-line at the time.
Dave had always joked I kind of came with the furniture in Dogbreath and he always made me feel like an integral part of it all. I've always felt so bad for not being able to continue with it for so long- I loved working on Dogbreath and it was my intention to get my arm and my head back in a place where I could start from scratch. He never made me feel like it wouldn't happen, even after blowing a Dogbreath script for him around my Dad's death- that kept me away from the board and away from everything- I felt like a heel and was too ashamed to come back.
When I finally plucked up enough courage to, just a very short while ago, there was Dave again- "don't worry about it, soon as you're ready give me a call".

I don't have any words to express how good that made me feel and how it rekindled old enthusiasm with immediate effect.
Like others- I wish I'd known what he was experiencing himself. He was a great guy and I couldn't imagine him being in that place too, there was always a sense of fun and optimism about him- if only I could have done anything or said anything that made him feel half as good as he always made me feel. Heart-breaking stuff.
I can't really lay any claim to have known him well in the grand scheme of things- I know how gutted I am but I can only imagine how you guys who knew him so much better are feeling. Particularly Richmond.

I talked to Izz yesterday and I tried, inadequately, to explain how I struggled at cons for years, how a crippling sense of 'imposter syndrome' left me feeling alone and isolated, and how Dave was always someone I could guarantee talking to would make me feel accepted and welcome.*

I struggle with similar, Jim- last Glasgow con (whenever that was again!), I had my ticket and my Megabus ticket all booked up. All I had to do was drive 30-odd miles to Inverness and get on a bus. For inexplicable reasons I just couldn't deal with it and turned round at the turn off to Culloden, not far from Inverness.
I ended up sitting among the Clava Cairns having a cig and drinking coffee I had for the bus down, killing time. Then I phoned my wife and told her I was stuck in traffic and had missed the bus- I was coming home.
Then I beat myself up for weeks because I wasted money on tickets, because I hadn't gone down to see the guys from here I know and because I was a stupid, pathetic, irrational shit who couldn't get on a bus and go to see people he likes.

[Steven Denton]

I cannot express how tragic this is or how sad this makes me. I feel sad for Dave and sad for his family and sad for his friends and sad for everyone who has lost someone well before their time. I’m lost for words.

[Rogue Judge]

Absolutely heartbreaking. My condolences to his family, friends and acquaintances.

[The Legendary Shark]

The penny's only just dropped for me, dim as I am.

Speechless.

[TordelBack]

No words.

[Richmond Clements]

Just fucking talk to someone. Please.

[Noisybast]

Not sure if this needs it's own new thread but if you could share this wherever you can think it needs to go:

The family of our beloved Bolt have asked me to share a JustGiving page for his funeral.

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/rememberdave

Also - and I cannot emphasise this enough - don't be afraid to reach out if you're in pain and forgive yourself always. You are not alone ❤

That last sentence. I was, just over a week ago. I did reach out to a friend. It helped so much.

Men find it difficult to seek and accept help. Understand that and take the step. It may save your life.

- Trout

Yeah, same here. I've had quite the year (I mean, everyone has, but still...). A friend (who shall remain nameless to spare his blushes / save stoking his massive ego) who I met via this very board was good enough to check in on me and listen to my moaning about stuff I'd brought upon myself. Sometimes all it takes is to have a good old gripe and get things off your chest, particularly during these interesting times, where you don't get to see anybody and taking off down the pub with your mates isn't an option.

As others have said more succinctly and eloquently than me, if you feel like you've got nobody to talk about this stuff with, you're wrong. If we're in contact - however distantly - I'd 100% rather listen to a friend (or even an acquaintance) complaining about whatever's bothering them than have to read another one of these threads.

[Oliver Redding]

Profoundly saddened by the news.


From the earliest days of the message board along with Richmond, Arthur, Ed and Paul - Dave made it possible for so many of us to realise an ambition and for our work to see print.

I was always humbled by his abundance of enthusiasm, unwavering support and generosity of spirit; in essence Dave helped me become a fan again and for that I am forever grateful.

Our paths haven’t crossed in an age but Dave’s posts and comments, all of his encouragement - serve as a reminder that sometimes the best thing we can do is make more comics.


A true Squaxx, you will be missed.

[Professor Bear]

A mate's turnaround from major depression came after he rang The Samaritans a few times, yet he still insists they were of no help whatsoever because "all they did was listen while I did all the talking."  Which is, of course, the point.
If you feel you can't talk to friends or family, there are still people you can talk to in confidentiality, and it might be all you need.

[Dog Deever]

A mate's turnaround from major depression came after he rang The Samaritans a few times, yet he still insists they were of no help whatsoever because "all they did was listen while I did all the talking."  Which is, of course, the point.
If you feel you can't talk to friends or family, there are still people you can talk to in confidentiality, and it might be all you need.

This. Very much.
That's all it took for me to come back from very close to where I can only assume Dave got to- 6 weeks of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy over the phone at 1 hour per week. I did most of the talking with occasional questions from a woman I can only recall as 'Emma' and that might not even be right- I never saw her at all, just an occasional voice at the other end of the phone. I was forced to talk for various reasons and eventually capitulated against my will. Had I not done so, it was not going to go anywhere good- you are under siege, the walls are crumbling, supplies have run dry and you've started to consume yourself.

To reiterate what everyone is saying- talk to someone- your boss (you can be referred to Occy Health and be given leave which will relieve some pressure) or your GP can work too. Talking hurts, but you're already hurting whether you admit it or not and it's really the first step out of a very deep, very dark hole.

[Will Cooling]

I've not been active in comics fandom for over a decade now but I always remember Bolt being a highlight when I went to cons. Not only were his publications of the highest quality, but he was such a friendly guy. I remember one DreddCon he lent me his original Crisis issues, so that I could read 3WW as we had been talking about it here. I don't think he had even met me beforehand, but he made such a generous offer, and trusted me to not take advantage of him. My thoughts are with his family and friends.

[scrotnig]

Just fucking talk to someone. Please.

A lot of people saying this.

Without knowing anything about Bolt's specific situation, I will say this;

As someone who has been in dark places there are two problems ith the 'just talk to someone':

1. Often in this situation you don't have anyone you can talk to.
2. Even if you do, they often don't want to be burdened with your problems. They may well lend a sympathetic ear for ten minutes but you will soon find they don;t want to know and will start avoiding you.

That second point is one I've run into a few times. You can get accused of trying to drag people down with you, and I can't begin to tell you how much that hurts when in a bad place such as that.

[The Legendary Shark]

I want your problems.

If it avoids another thread like this, then I want them.

My 'phone number is just a PM away. If you do not use it when you need to (yes, YOU), then I will kick your ass.