Fight Club Style Rules For Life

[Buttonman]

Having watched and enjoyed Fight Club for the twentieth time, I took to wondering what other rules boarders follow along the mantra style of 'The first rule of fight club is...'

These can be aide memoirs, catchecisms or general mottos. Mine are such things as:

The first rule of the fridge is you replace the last cold can with a warm one from the cupboard.

The first rule of the lav is you don't start the flush until you have definitely finished pissing.

The first rule of shopping is park near the trolley rank at the supermarket - you'll be happy you did when leaving.

The first rule of spelling is it's de-finite-ly spelt definitely.

And from Family Guy - The first rule of dating is that if she smokes, she pokes.

[Jim_Campbell]

Back before he disappeared up his own arse somewhat, Neil Gaiman offered the following advice, which I've always rather liked:

"Stay cool, keep your shades clean, and don't lend your comb to _anyone_."

To which I would add:

"Just because you _can_ eat it, doesn't necessarily mean you should." [1]

"No matter how drunk you are, never get into a shin-kicking contest with a woman wearing steel toe-caps."

"Never gauge how drunk you are by the fact that you've only drunk the same amount as Colin MacNeil."

Cheers

Jim

[1] Silly Putty and Play-Doh fall into this category. Oh, and oysters.

[Dog Deever]

The first rule about the baldie club is...do not talk about the baldie club...

[DavidXBrunt]

Never rub another mans rhubarb.

A Day withouth Doris is like a Kabuki without make up.

[Bart Oliver]

This definitely falls into the 'you had to be there' category, but i'll share it with you anyway..

I used to work behind a bar around the time of the film release.

One of the regulars would come in straight from his call centre job and prop up the bar in a disgruntled, dead-pan-Ed-Norton fashion.

After a few drinks and some general chit chat he'd usually start asking other regulars/the bar manager/the owner/waitresses/me if we wanted to join his club.

Without mentioning the name of the club he'd then outline, with a drunken conspiratorial air why his club was unique amongst others and why they (or I) HAD to join him.

Once his audience had acquiesced he would hit them, metaphorically speaking, with the punchline.

(sic) 'The first rule of Shite Club is, you DO NOT talk about Shite Club, BECAUSE (comedic pause) it is SHITE.'

[Trout]

We now qualify for the "parent and child" spaces at supermarkets. I call them "the shagger spaces."

They're brilliant.

- Trout

[Dog Deever]

By the time she leaves home, you may well be about ready for the disabled ones!

[SamuelAWilkinson]

Never, ever shit first and ask questions later; always make sure there's adequate bog roll.

[Floyd-the-k]

don't compare your insides to other people's outsides

action is the magic word

if it was easy everybody would be doing it (taken from a Madonna movie I haven't seen)

[Dog Deever]

"taken from a Madonna movie I haven't seen"

Yeah, yeah, we know you've got the special edition DVD and watch it all the time- it's not like you're gonna admit it, is it...

[Marbles]

Never rent a flat, buy.

I learnt this (life's most important rule kids, listen up!) rather too late. While I spent my 20's & early 30's having fun, friends were scrimping & saving to get a decent deposit.

They now have a ?100k in equity (looking forward to early retirment, great holidays etc) & I have a huge mortgage & can't afford to leave the house.

The first person to mention the great time I had as a youngster etc etc gets shot.

[Dudley]

Rule #213 - If you're not having a great time right now, it's because you're choosing not to have a great time right now.

[Tanky]

Do or do not. There is no try.

Talk is cheap but shouting is free.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Never drink anything blue.

[Mikey]

Don't take shit off fools.
 
Be one of the good guys,because there's way too many of the bad.

I tried it once-but got my head stuck.

You live in a time when every second counts,but think of a time when millenia counted for nothing.

And a personal favourite-There's no point shoving the finger up the arse once you've shit yerself.

M.

[Tanky]

Oh, forgot: You can't polish a turd.