2000 AD Online Forum

Right, so you've been yoinked through a mirror (or perhaps your time-machine's shot a bolt, or you went and ate that cheese you found under the cooker) and all of a sudden the world's different. There's totalitarian flags hanging everywhere, everyone's got spiky collars, eyepatches or sneers. And the fast-food place has a McHitler's sign. With a gasp you realise this is an evil alternate universe.

Of course, you immediately search for a copy of the prog to see how bad this world could be. It's got AD 2000 on the front. What's in it? You fall to your knees with a "Nooooo!"

(Your turn now.)

Help me.... I'm bleeding....

Bolt (shot)

I always thought I'd look good in a Luftwaffe uniform...

It sounds horrible.

I'd be a massive fan of Slaine and SinDex.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

...the prog lies on the pavement in front of you, and staring up from the cover is the strapline:

"New in this prog - The Golden Fox Rebellion Strikes Back!"

As the pages flap in the breeze, you catch a glimpse of episode 22 of the epic "Judge Dredd: Irish Eyes" by Garth Ennis, and a quick flash of Shakara Book II by Michael Fleischer & Shaky Kane.

But wait, what's that at the back of the prog? Oh, God it can't be...

Yes, it is - it's B.L.A.I.R. 1's visit to Chronos Carnival!

Actually, I'd quite like to see Shaky Kane do Shakara...


...I'll get me coat.

all the strips have main characters who are girls

judge justine dredd
slainess
rogue majorette
synamon
strontium bitch

they are all doing makeup and talking about their feelings

Rather than featuring Judge Dredd, its major strip is now Dead Meat.  Featuring Inspector Raam....

Slips

Judge Dredd is still the lead strip, but now he is a beurocrat (sp?) who spends his time tracing the fradulent insurance claims of the citizens of Mega-strasse-one.

Strontium Dog is the story examining the heroic exploits of Johan Alpha, head of the radiation purges unit in the wasteland of the USA.

Bolt-01

Millar is writing the whole thing.

And drawing it as well.

Turnpig von snagg Earthers!

I am Zrag, dictator of the galaxies most expensive comic! You hold in your scarred and bleeding hands gorp 3212 of Ad 2000. Within every dull and stained page lurk millions of thrill-suckers ready to strike and lower your expectations to acceptable levels. "What lies within these expensive sheets of toilet paper?" I hear you ask? Well SHUT UP, and I'll tell you...

Judge Rico Dredd, Love and money by Carlos Ezquerra (script) and John Wagner (art) part 6: Rico's relationship with Anderson deteriorates after he sells her favourite dress to buy a new hoverbike. Meanwhile Maria and Walter are still lost in the biggest department store in the big meg and hilarity is on the cards!

Bison, Punch me Book 5 part 12 by Mark Millar (script + art) and Shaky Kane (colours): Jack Bison is a man lving on borrowed time! Unless he kisses someone in the next five seconds he'll lose his job! But how can he cope when he finds himself trapped inside the body of an obese black woman? And can he overcome his addiction to chocolate in time to make his sons concert recital?

Junker, The tedium part 23 by Michael Fleischer and : Junker fed up of listening to women whining all the time. All he needs is his gun - and some junk! But when the amazonions of Mysterion 12 sieze all the galaxies junk he's gonna have to think fast to get his paycheck!

Sinister/Dexter The finale part 3 by Dan Abnett (script)and Dan Abnett (art): Their code of honour means they can never refuse a paying job but now they've been hired to kill each other. Again.

Valkyries/Space girls No title by David Bishop and Dan Abnett (script) and Ronan Keating from boyzone (art): The incredibly popular crossover continues! Permanent from next issue!

Now you know. Pick up the meg (with Red razors and big Dave starting this issue) and go away.

Morag Tong!

Zrag.

Y'know, this thread was merely amusing until the mention of Ronan Keating actually made it disturbing.

Well done, Jared!

Wow, my prog?s a real stinker.  It has:

JUDGE DREDD: ?Exxtreme Force? (script: Mark Millar).  It?s a six page story and it has some guy with a big gun and he kills, like, ninety judges.  Then Judge Dredd turns up and one of the dying judges says ?choke? it?s Dredd? he?ll? stop? uggh!? Judge Dredd?s gun is bigger and so Dredd wins.  THE END.

STRONTIUM DOGS: ?Procedures and Possibilities? episode 8 (script: Peter Hogan).  Gronk and Bullmoose walk through the desert, a blind woman warns of ominous signs and portents and the alphabet scientists prepare their nasty plans.  Continues in Book Two.  The Zraggian editor notes, in the output, that this is the Hogan droid?s 100th episode of Strontium Dogs.

MANIAC FIVE: ?Exxtreme Annihilation? episode 5 (Mark Millar / Steve Yeowell).  Maniac Nineteen has ripped Maniac Five?s arm off and beats him about the head with it before threatening to sodomize him.  Maniac Five punches Maniac Nineteen through a building which crashes down, killing a small child and a puppy.  Maniac Five shouts ?NNNNNNNO!? and Maniac Nineteen stands up to pronounce ?The blood of innocents is on your hands!  This time? you?re finished!?  Concludes next prog.

SPACE GIRLS: ?The New Space? episode 1.  (Bishop & Tomlinson / Jim Balent).  Following the untimely death of her colleagues in the previous adventure, Wide Open Space, in her exciting new costume, recruits four new Space Girls: Basketball Space, Volleyball Space, Football Space and Naked Space.

HARLEM HEROES: Book Ten episode 36 (Fleisher / Siku).  I didn?t read this one.

There?s a note from King Trout in the Input, abdicating his throne and demanding more Friday reprints in the Meg.  He wins an Inspector Raam poster.  What an awful world!

--Grant

After picking up a few back issues just to see if Inferno was as bad as everyone said (yes) I cant believe Ive never read people slag...

"Starting in this very special prog with an epic new story...Really & Truly Redux!"

"There?s a note from King Trout in the Input, abdicating his throne and demanding more Friday reprints in the Meg."

That's it. I feel sick, now. It's obviously a hideous opposite of all that is true in the world...

Ah, here's another prog. What's in this one?

It appears it's a Mills-fest, with Dinosty on the cover and a triple-length Slaine tale entitled The Loincloths of Upper Northumberland, with added contradiction!
Plus new Goddess-related drivel, an extra type of evil elf and a guest appearance by a nasty corporation, who are shamelessly making money by building - gasp - buildings!

However, even such a prog, graced with four-fifths Clint Langley, needs a little variety, so they've added in Durham Red: The Third Galaxy But One Over From Ours With A Mutant Vampire Infestation, part 82.
It has computer-coloured art by Mark Harrison and, arguably, a script by Dan Abnett.

In fact, the entire comic was drawn on computer and printed on that shiny loo paper you used to get at school.

Which is handy.

Wait - it finishes off with a letters page! There's a rant from Paul Scott, pointing out the 70s were rubbish and he wishes they had never happened.

However, another letter marks the 30th anniversary of the heart-breakingly early demise of one John Wagner, emerging comics writer.

What would 2000AD have been like if he'd lived?

- Trout

Wait - it finishes off with a letters page! There's a rant from Paul Scott, pointing out the 70s were rubbish and he wishes they had never happened.

You made me spill my pint! That was hilarious!

Bolt-01 (Not really in a pub, just wanting to use the line from American werewolf)

"Bolt-01 (Not really in a pub, just wanting to use the line from American werewolf)"

The line is "You made me miss my shot" as hes playing darts at the time.

Sorry for being such a pedant.

You're right, damn.

Bolt-01.

'Starting this Prog: AD 2000's first ever 147 part Judge Dredd Hyper-Epic... Sugar Fiends! Including  plots to rot the Chief Judge's teeth, skyboarding mutants and Bonnie Langford's naked body-popping to the theme from the Black Hole!'

Sounds like an album by the Beta Band...

Thanks to the multi dollar blockbuster that was the Judge Dredd moive, it is that version that has become canon, Thard the flighty has sacked Wagner and hired the screen writers of the movie to be the writers. He  has deemed that Dredd shall always look like stalone. Finaly, Dredd should never, under any curcumstance, wear his helmet.

Cover by Langley, natch...

Jumping jets, that's horrible.

(Well done, all!)

Er, I'll take that as a compliment!

NeAt.Noisy. neat.

Bolt shot by a bolt?

Wils teeth gang go out dancing . They dont bite.

They have kiss fights.

The asthetic,perfection is to look like Helga, the shotputter.

Heil Fellow squaxx.

This issue we have:
Judd Goldberg, our Hassidic Jew villan is saving saving kitties from horrid young lads. Will out hero, Adolf, save the day for this most terrible crime? read on to find out.

We also have pat mill's 'young Adolf'. Will adolf survive his latest battle against the Earth Goddess, Winston Churchil?

We also continue David Bishop's serries on articles, Thrill Power overload. This issue how Gurbles built the printing press that allowed this mighty organ to be created. And how innitial issues were not printed on human skin. Also contained is indefiable proof that there was no Hollocaust, only the evil were put to death.

(i'm only doing this cause of McHitlers)

PAT MILLS IS THARG!
assistant editor Mark millar

I'm delighted and over the moon to see that I finally get a story printed in 2000AD.

It's only when spending my hard earned cash and someone gives me a ?1 coin in change that I notice something odd.  I look at the coin and it has Queen Camilla's head on it.

"Oh my God, I'm in an alternative universe!"  I tear open my Prog and cry when I see my name next to what is in print... I've been made to write the official adaption of the hit DREDD movie (original script by...)


*As an aside, I once was convinced something strange had happened to the world or that my memory had gone wonky when the petrol station at the top of our road in Potters Bar suddenly became a BP garage.  I spent weeks trying to figure out why I had a memory of it being a Q8 garage or something and came up with various alternate universe theories (I did spend most of my time in Potters Bar in a state of sozzledness) before eventually finding out that BP had bought a load of petrol stations from another chain and converted them all over night.

I won't tell you what happened to CHELSEA GIRL and CHELSEA BOY shops in the other universe I used to live in.

Wouldn't the Dredd movie in the alternate universe be, y'know, really good? They'd ignore all the rubbish bits that had crept into the stories in AD2000 and make a movie about a stone faced one man justice machine trying to keep control of a crazy city?

'The line is "You made me miss my shot" as hes playing darts at the time.

Sorry for being such a pedant.'

Actually he said "You made me miss. I've never missed that board before."

Sorry for being such a bigger pedant.