Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[Dandontdare]

20kg isn't very heavy at all for a rucksack or suitcase.

NUMPTY ALERT ... you know when a set of scales is marked in pounds AND kilograms ...? 

Still good news - I can put a whole load of shit back now!

[Tiplodocus]

I stopped a shot at five a side tonight with my jaw. It was so powerful it lifted me off my feet and it really, really hurt.   Forunately, two minutes later, I stopped a shot of equal power with my testicles. The pain from that drowned out the pain from my jaw.  Win-Win I say.

[The Legendary Shark]

I stopped a shot at five a side tonight with my jaw. It was so powerful it lifted me off my feet and it really, really hurt.   Fortunately, two minutes later, I stopped a shot of equal power with my testicles. The pain from that drowned out the pain from my jaw.  Win-Win, I squeak.

Fixed that for you.

[paddykafka]

I've heard of talking bollocks, but this is ridiculous!

[Dark Jimbo]

Got on a reasonably crowded train today - not packed, but every available seat required sitting next to someone else. I found a table with just one girl sitting on it and thought 'this'll do' and sat opposite her. She looked up as I sat down, smiled and leaned forward. 'Could you sit somewhere else, please?' she asked, sweetly.

'Oh. Sorry.' Hating to be a bother to anyone I look around, assuming I've just taken the seat of her friend/boyfriend/child or something. 'Why's that?' I ask pleasantly, as I start to gather my stuff up again.

'Could you sit somewhere else, please?' she repeats, still very nicely, still smiling.

'Why's that?' I repeat. She obviously didn't hear me.

The smile has frozen tightly in place. 'Can you sit somewhere else?' The 'please' has been dropped, I note.

'Why?' I insist, stubbornly. This is getting weird now, and I'm not moving until she gives me a valid reason.

She repeats her demand yet again, and yet again I ask why. She stares long and hard at me with barely hidden dislike, the smile now a slightly manic rictus, and abruptly announces that she's going to sit somewhere else, then. She grabs all her bags and stuff together, stands up, grandly announces 'I object to males. Nothing personal,' and flounces off down the carriage.

[Zarjazzer]

Well done for standing up to the pushy looney Dark Jimbo.

[TordelBack]

Well done for standing up to the pushy looney Dark Jimbo.

Yeah, you go girl!  If you don't want that pushy looney Dark Jimbo sitting opposite you, that's your right, and he was way out of line looking for an explanation.

[The Legendary Shark]

She didn't by ant chance have a lazy eye and a piece of her ear missing, did she?

[SmallBlueThing]

I love train nutters. My wife and i were coming back from a show recently, in an empty carriage. We were sitting at a table, and had her huge suitcase on the seat next me, when a middleaged woman dressed as an old lady got on. She had an old lady hat, big coat, pebble glasses, the works, yet clearly was only about 45. She walked down the (as i say, empty) carriage, stopped by us and said to me, "can you move your bag please, i want to sit down."

My wife and i looked at each other, looked at the (empty, did i say?) carriage and i said "cant you sit somewhere else?".

"No." she said, "I want to sit there."

Im afraid, while im generally nice to people, i just told her to fuck right off, and she did. Some people only respond to abuse, unfortunately.

And then there was the pissed 'lad' who tried to introduce himself to us on the way home from london, and who wouldnt go away til 'i shook his hand'. I didnt shake his hand, but he went away, with a bit of forceful coaxing.

As i say, i love train nutters. But yours was exceptional! Well done!

SBT

[Zarjazzer]

Well done for standing up to the pushy looney Dark Jimbo.

Yeah, you go girl!  If you don't want that pushy looney Dark Jimbo sitting opposite you, that's your right, and he was way out of line looking for an explanation.

Ow! me bad. I meant of course that DJ was in the right and looney lady was a keyboard full of wrong.

[JOE SOAP]

She grabs all her bags and stuff together, stands up, grandly announces 'I object to males. Nothing personal,' and flounces off down the carriage.

d'Little tease, everyone knows that 'no' means 'yes'. You should have chased.

[Dark Jimbo]

Ow! me bad. I meant of course that DJ was in the right and looney lady was a keyboard full of wrong.

Backpedalling won't help you now, Zarjazzer. You've just made my 'list', boyo. 

[Zarjazzer]

Ow! me bad. I meant of course that DJ was in the right and looney lady was a keyboard full of wrong.

Backpedalling won't help you now, Zarjazzer. You've just made my 'list', boyo. 

Pick a number punk! I've faced ninja death squads and Satans hordes with pointed sticks.  Oh wait a minute no I haven't, help!

[Mardroid]

On the way back from Bromley yesterday (I often walk) I was entering the local shopping area in Downham (my home town).  I was just considering buying some fried chicken for dinner (well supper at that time but I hadn't eaten yet)  and a young bloke stands in my way and says, "Can I speak to you a moment."

I'm a bit nervous. Some of you might remember I got mugged over the Christmas period by two lads, so I'm naturally a bit wary. I think he saw something in my eyes so he said "Don't worry, I'm not gonna mug you of nuffin'" (or words to that effect). "I just need to get home." He asked me if I could help him out with some money.

Well, I figured, I didn't really need the fried chicken, I could eat something at home, and I didn't like to think the lad getting stranded at night so I gave him my change. (Wasn't much really, around 2-3 quid. All I had on me, but it should help him with a bus fair, I thought.) When he saw I was willing to help he was a bit demanding though, "Yeah help us out with the change," and pretty much demanded it all. (I was a bit bemused but had planned to give him a couple of quid anyway so giving him the rest wasn't that big a deal, from a monetary point of view... it was just the cheek of it.)

As I walk off, he decides to walk along besides me. "Can we speak!" he says loudly, 2 or 3 times, while I try to get away. "Go on then," I says. (I know, I should have told him to get lost, but I seldom allow myself to get aggressive unless I'm really pushed to it.)

"Can you give me more? Give me your number, I'll pay you back tomorrow. Go on, give us a score."

"I don't have anything more," I said, not that I would have given it if I had. I'll give a pound or two if people ask, but not usually more than that. "You can go to a cash point," he says.

When I told him I had nothing as I hadn't been paid yet (the truth, not that I would have done that anyway, I just wanted him to buzz off, without starting a fight), he says "alright then" and quickly leaves. No thanks, just goes, no doubt looking for another sucker.

Okay I didn't spend much, and he wasn't violent but it irritates me that he takes liberties with my generosity.

Things could have been worse though. One of the lecturers at the college where I work was mugged on the way in today. I think he was more shaken up than anything, although he did ask for painkillers from the first aid box. (Which we didn't have.) He still took his lessons though, (what a trooper) and didn't call the police (what a wally). Maybe he did when he got home.

[Rog69]

My browser seems to have forgotten all of my saved passwords today for the may forums and sites I waste time on, the only one I can remember is this place.

At least I can log in here and moan about it.