Life is riddled with a procession of minor impediments

[staticgirl]

Good grud I hope you get well fast. I'm glad you're all okay.

[Hawkmumbler]

Just been informed by my driving instructor that after a near accident scenario in my last lesson that he will not be continuing with my driving lessons.

Well now I feel like a right failure.

[TordelBack]

Sounds like he's the failure in that situation, Hawkie, not you.  Not every instructor is right for everyone, find another. Keep at lad, like most things it's all about practice, practice, practice.

[The Legendary Shark]

I'm with Tordelback Block on this. Unless you were deliberately trying to have an accident (which I seriously doubt), Hawkie, then it's your driving instructor who's failed here. It's a good thing you've found out how poor an instructor he is because now you can get a better one.

In my day, back when the mists of time were little more than a few drops of condensation dribbling down the spout of the kettle of eternity, driving instructors were all either made of sterner stuff or perpetually drunk, or both. And cars back then were about as safe as Windows 98, too. For example, there was a tale (possibly, or probably, an urban myth) that if you dented one of a Ford Capri's body panels in just the right place it put enough strain on the structural integrity of the vehicle to actually bend the chassis. You could achieve this, it was said, with your hand and a grunt. Other cars had dodgy window winders so you couldn't wind your window all the way to the top, or had to bugger about to get it to sit straight, or watch in resigned frustration as the glass fell off the winder and thumped down into the depths of the door, which would then begin to stick on opening because the errant pane was interfering with something important but loose. But the door panels were easy to remove, being mostly on the verge of falling off anyway, so you could get to the mechanism and put it back together only to see the window jam shut or tumble loose again the first time you slam the door.

Wheels used to fall off, bumpers became entangled with each other, at speeds of over 28mph airflow passing over the windscreen would lift the windscreen wipers 0.15mm away from the glass, sunroofs leaked even when it wasn't raining and played host to myriad species of lichen and moss, they belched lead-laden fumes into the driver's face through the heater vents and jumped at any opportunity to go on fire or stick a leg out of bed. The heaters didn't, the brakes couldn't, the lights might and the washers never did.

Accidents were worse back then because cars tended to be falling to bits even before banging into things. Near accidents were correspondingly worse because, even though you might avoid a collision, the act of slamming on your brakes (which at the time was largely dependent on body-weight and thigh-strength) could alter the shape of your vehicle, causing the windscreen to ping out and shatter all over the road, resulting in old ladies waving handbags and walking sticks at you and shouting curse words you thought only dock workers knew.

Modern cars are much safer, therefore your ex-instructor is a wuss.

[Proudhuff]

TB's right on this one, I went through a couple of them, and was getting nowhere, that all said that I could drive fine,  and just needed to 'brush up' 

Found an ex-bus driver instructor whose brain worked like mine, and it all gelled perfectly.

So dump the plonker and get someone who know WTF they are doing....

[Link Prime]

I'm with Tordelback Block on this.

You trying to tell me we haven't coined the phrase "Tordel-Block" yet?
Of course our friends are correct Hawk- take your business elsewhere.
Ask around locally for a recommended instructor with a dual control vehicle.

Nasty news there Trent- wishing you a speedy recovery.

[Dandontdare]

I had a friend who had 12 accidents or near-misses in 14 lessons before their instructor gave up on them and asked them to look elsewhere!

One of them was the classic "go straight on at the roundabout" - which apparently does not mean drive onto the middle of it and stop. Another was an instruction to take the next left - which did not mean "crash through the five bar gate just before the junction"

[The Legendary Shark]

Friend, eh? ;-)

[Dandontdare]

True! She was the barmaid in my local.

I did take 3 attempts to pass though - on the 2nd attempt (in my instructor's dual-control car), the examiner had to stamp on the brakes to stop me clipping a parked car whilst pulling away from the test centre!

Only passed the 3rd time because I'd spent a few weeks acting as my mum's chauffeur and delivery driver to get some practice in!

[Hawkmumbler]

Aye, cheers chaps. That makes me feel a little less of a plum.

Have found a new instructor, who by no small coincidence is also an ex-HGV driver, so when I explained the situation he was all to sympathetic and happy to help. Slightly more expensive per lesson but it's a price hopefully worth paying.

[Fungus]

Sage advice above, your ex-instructor doesn't inspire confidence at all...

Old cars are/were shit, as Sharky describes. I've personally tried to wind the window down on a deeply snowy day, to have the pane fall neatly into the door itself, never to be seen (through) again. Once you've passed, Hawk, cars will continue to test you...

[The Legendary Shark]

No need to feel a plum at all, Hawkie. Learning to drive is hard; there's a lot to remember, a lot of controls to master and lot of hand-eye-ear-foot coordination to get on top of. Then, as well as that, you have to deal with all the crazy people around you. It's definitely not easy but it definitely does get easier.

It might help to keep in mind what George Carlin (?) said: "There are only two types of drivers; maniacs and idiots. Maniacs are all those who drive faster than me and idiots are all those who drive slower than me."

I'm one of those insufferable people who passed first time and likes to mention it whenever the topic arises, which it has, so I will. I passed first time because I grew up in a small village with a truck driver/mechanic for a father who basically taught me to drive from the outset. If I'd been capable of it, he'd have had me sat on his knee steering the car home from the maternity hospital while he did the pedals and gears.

Do people still do that? Sit their children on their knees and let them steer down farm tracks, along beaches or over deserted Sunday morning car parks? I used to love that when I was a nipper.

[Dandontdare]

Do people still do that? Sit their children on their knees and let them steer down farm tracks, along beaches or over deserted Sunday morning car parks? I used to love that when I was a nipper.

I learned the basics on Southport beach when I was about 12-13- I'm sure Sharky knows it, but for anyone who's never been to there, it 's a vast flat beach - it's a rarity if you ever get to see the sea it's usually so far out! I thought my dad was being a killjoy when he wouldn't let me swerve around flattening sand-castles until he pointed out that mischievous souls have been known to build them around the stumps of groyne-posts to catch out people who try that.

And Fungus, I've known the "window falling in to the door" scenario - in my mate's mini clubman* when we were living just outside Dundee in Winter - brrrr. That car finally died after the battery, which was oddly located under the back seat, moved a bit so that the metal edges of the seat was short-circuiting the  terminals.When the battery acid started boiling and steaming, we dived out and watched the car burst in to flames by the side of the Forfar road.

*It wasn't so much as a car as a radio on wheels - a £50 banger with a £400 stereo!

[Theblazeuk]

Hawks, I can't remember - are you around Manchester? If so I can get the number of a good driving instructor off my mate (if he can pass anyone can).

I failed my driving test twice - once for stalling at a roundabout and the other for driving down a road with no signs at the speed of 30mph, which turned out to have a 50mph limit. Sadly I'm not psychic. Still seems like bullshit to me as the self-same driving examiner passed a girl I knew who failed the emergency stops and stamped on the accelerator and the clutch rather than the brakes.

And once you've passed you're free to drive around like all the other numpties anyway.

[Trout]

Dundee in Winter - brrrr.

I'm from Dundee and emigrated. it has been snowing in Toronto. I've just had my annual moment of self-doubt. WHYYYYY?

Anyway, Hawkperson, just hang in there. You get through it. I once failed a driving test because I had a cold and was sneezing so much that I couldn't steer properly.