Last movie watched...

[SmallBlueThing(Reborn)]

Today's Hammer double-bill here has been THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN (1957) and THE LEGEND OF THE 7 GOLDEN VAMPIRES (1974), neither of which I've seen in far too long.

Both star my favourite actor, the splendid Mr Peter Cushing- one at his absolute prime (and to be fair, a year before he really hit the big time in Curse of Frankenstein) and the other as Hammer's legend was receding, their films becoming more old-fashioned and staid in comparison to the horrors that were making their way across the Atlantic: The Exorcist, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Rosemary's Baby... or The Satanic Rites of Dracula? Audiences chose, and Hammer were more or less gone by 1975.

One last-ditch effort was The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires- an awkward mash-up of kung-fu and horror, that continually falls between the two stools. The martial arts scenes are too long for people like me who haven't the slightest interest in crap dancers playing with weapons and sound effects, and the horror puts off an audience who wanted Bruce Lee.

Note: I've never seen, nor have any interest in seeing, a Bruce Lee film. I just dont care. I imagine they are all like this, only marginally more homoerotic and lacking rubber bats. The only bodily sweat here is on Cushing's forehead, under his pith helmet, and no one wears tight trousers or fights other big men.

Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires underperformed at the box office, and that was it for Hammer- their last Dracula death-scene is a pathetic scuffle between Christopher Lee-cosplayer John Forbes-Harrison (voiced by another actor and wearing alarming lippy, orange peel vampire teeth and a powdered wig) and Cushing, in which Dracula accidentally stumbles onto a stick and decomposes. Well, it's a spear, but the effect is the same. As the final battle between these arch enemies that had been going on since 1958 across nine films, it's somewhat underwhelming.

By far the better film is The Abominable Snowman. Written by Nigel Kneale (Quatermass, The Stone Tape, Beasts and haha Halloween III: Season of the Witch) and based on his own tv play also starring Cushing, this is a truly gorgeous looking epic about a British scientist based temporarily at a Himalayan monastery, who hooks up with some brash Americans to go hunt for the yeti.

It's beautiful to look at, with amazing sets (mountain passes that actually look real! Shot at Bray studios and Pinewood), a monastery that has weight and a sense of space and location. It even has actual footage shot especially second unit in real snowy mountains, and my god it all fits seamlessly.

The script is smart, and has a definite point to make in its monster movie trappings- these yeti maybe arent just animals, but something much, much stranger (no, not alien robots, that's Dr Who you're thinking of there). The climactic scenes of Cushing and Forrest Tucker in the cave, being driven out of their minds by psychic attack (or are they? Is it really an attack?), is unbearably tense and wonderful. When the yeti finally turn up, the makeup resembles nothing less than the leading man himself- I thought that immediately, and in researching for this status post, I found critics at the time mentioned it too. It was, apparently, accidental. Is there actually a resemblance? Or are we reading that into the image, having picked up the theme of the film and extrapolated it beyond the scope of the makeups of the time? Dunno. I like to think either explanation is neat.

The Abominable Snowman is undoubtedly one of Hammer's greatest films and I would urge you to watch it.

[SmallBlueThing(Reborn)]

Class of 1984

The last time I saw this, I was younger than the characters in the film. Class of 1984 was one of "those" films from the early 80s: the notorious ones, the ones that got swiftly removed from shop shelves when the plod raided. For a while though, it was a regular Friday night rental around my way.

Having not seen it in the best part of four decades, I was shocked at how much I remembered- and equally shocked at how much had slipped under my radar. I guess I hadn't yet grown to love Roddy McDowall because I'd forgotten he was present. How the hell could I have forgotten his many stand-out scenes? And Michael J Fox, with his bowl cut, showing just why he was but a short time away from being a major star.

Far more disturbing than I remembered, I was taken by the prescience it displayed- CCTV, knife scanners in schools, the change in relationship between teachers and kids- all brutally terrifying. And the cast of ne'er-do-wells are fantastic- not an ounce of camp or amateur showboating between them, despite the parody of early 80s fashion on display.

And how the hell did I forget the arm being lopped off by a circular saw? Was that cut from our version back then? 

Anyway- brilliant stuff. Do I dare track down Class of 1999, which I remember as being a bit rubbish?

Class of 1999

Ext. Night. A seventeen year old boy dressed like a cross between Simon Le Bon and Vanilla Ice approaches a school on a moped. He dismounts and climbs the steps, addressing a gang of similarly attired teens.

"Inside this school are three inhuman teaching monsters. The ones running this game. They kidnapped my girl. They killed Sunny, Reedy, Mohawk... and Noser. And Angel... Now I'm going in there to waste some teachers. Are you with me?"

Yes, it's CLASS OF 1999 (1989, Mark Lester). Hurrah!

Fifteen years after Class of 1984, the situation in America's schools has gotten worse. Especially in the field of fashion- as the kids appear to have raided 1982's wardrobe and just added a bunch of leather and ammo bandoliers. The result is a school play version of Duran Duran's Wild Boys video with some Mad Max camp thrown in. Schools are in police no-go zones, gang warfare is always present and everyone is hooked on drugs.

Into this comes Cody Culp (Bradley Gregg- presumably because Corey Feldman wouldnt do it), just out of prison and back at school. He wants to go straight, and the gangs wont let him- his younger brother Angel is desperate to join his brother's old gang, and Cody gets sucked in again. And because this is a late eighties teen movie, he meets the new principal Malcolm McDowell's beautiful daughter (Traci Lind, who would go on to date Dodi Fayed) and falls for her.

So far so much so-so.

Ah, but here comes Stacy Keach (at this point recently out of Reading prison for cocaine possession) in a white mullet wig and white contacts, who is brought in to... replace the teachers with robots. And just so its guaranteed to go tits up, not just any robots- murderous ex-military killer androids who have been hastily reprogrammed with the school curriculum.

Do the androids go mad and kill students for minor infractions? Why funny you should ask, yes they do.

The main thing about Class of 1999, in comparison to its predecessor, is that is just isnt very good. The characters are dull, the actors are strictly am-dram, and despite the gunfire and car chases and explosions, it's not very well paced or cut together, rendering the whole thing a bit drawn out and tedious.

It's also lacking any stand-out gore scenes, as the producers seem to shy away from blood in favour of a green "engine oil" effect during the robots skin-ripping transformations.

However, much was forgiven in the final showdown, when- wearing its influences brazenly on its sleeve- the film decides to go all Terminatory and has the last remaining robo-teach stripped of most of his skin, and stalking the hallways as a stop-motion/ animatronic puppet. And do you know what, I'd say it was at least as good an endoskeleton, as that in the original Terminator, and in some ways even better. There is a particular moment when an animatronic fleshy eye narrows in hatred, that makes me long for the days when films were made in this way, and CGI was at least 18 months in the future.

So- if you like robots and mayhem and ridiculous fashions, watch this. If you would prefer instead a film along the same lines but considerably smarter and better made, you need only go as far as 1984.

The second part of my double bill last night was one I haven't seen since 1984, when it first appeared as a big box rental vhs: C.H.U.D.

Cool kids in the know, will immediately recognise that stands for CANNIBALISTIC HUMANOID UNDERGROUND DWELLER. Perhaps cooler kids than I might inform me of why this has been so successfully sidelined over the years, when so many lesser films from the same time have deluxe bluray editions. I had to watch this on bloody YouTube! In MP4 format! But at least it was in widescreen, which is more than it was on video.

C.H.U.D is the story of homeless people disappearing from the streets of New York- and I believe is the first time I was introduced to the sad fact that many people are forced to live *beneath* the streets to survive, in the used and disused subways and sewer system: a concept with which I was already familiar through comics, but didnt really think such things happen.

While the film would never claim to be a searing indictment of social issues, it's a lot more subtle and pointed than you may think... at least, for an early eighties low budget horror movie. The cast helps greatly- Christopher Curry is solid as Captain Bosch (looking like the bastard offspring of Jim MacDonald from Corrie and Columbo) but it's Daniel Stern (Marv from Home Alone) and John Heard (Kevin's dad from Home Alone) who really impress. Stern especially is excellent, turning in a real acting performance in a film largely painted in broad strokes.

What lets C.H.U.D down is the chuds. I seem to remember special makeup creator John Caglione Jnr (13 Oscar nominations, 1 win) bemoaning that the creatures looked fantastic when shot properly... but under the mostly flat and unexciting lighting used in the big effects scenes, they ended up looking like the men in rubber suits they were. There's one sequence where the creature demonstrates a blatant fx gag superpower, that plainly didnt work on set and as a result the scene makes little sense, but most of the time they just shamble around with glowing eyes and keep demonstrating their animatronic jaws, like they are very proud of them indeed.

C.H.U.D has developed a cult reputation over the decades- and much is made of the initial reviews from back in the day, which overplayed the comedy aspect. In truth it's not a comedy, or even a particularly amusing film- much of it is very dark indeed and I get the impression most people involved took it very seriously. As well they should have, because as half-remembered early eighties monster movies go, C.H.U.D was a real treat and one of the best.

Nothing on this earth would ever get me to watch the sequel, C.H.U.D 2: Bud The Chud, ever again though. One of the most ill-advised and hideous films it's ever been my misfortune to watch. Once, in that case, was more than enough.

Well, never let it be said that I always watch the same type of movies. Three today- THE MANITOU (1978), A WEREWOLF IN ENGLAND (2020) and HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER (1972).

Of the three, I have to say I enjoyed The Manitou the most- while High Plains Drifter was undeniably the most assured, I found it tedious. I like my westerns weird, and this- even as a ghost story- just wasn't weird enough for me.

A Werewolf In England has to be experienced. Actually, no it probably doesn't. Not unless you're very forgiving, or possibly very drunk. Usually I turn movies like this off after about twenty minutes and go cry in a dark room somewhere... but something about the cast (of unknowns) and the very British script kept me watching. Ludicrous werewolves- all practical costumes, shot digitally, ludicrous effects- avoid unless, like me, you're a bit of a werewolf completist. Otherwise please god no never again.

[Tiplodocus]

Thanks for the lengthy reviews. Abominable Snowman sounds the pick for me.

[Funt Solo]

Note: I've never seen, nor have any interest in seeing, a Bruce Lee film. I just dont care.

Och, ye will:

Bruce lee at the restaurant - Way of the dragon - fight scene

[TordelBack]

Great read,  SBT!  Brought back some happy memories.

[Proudhuff]

Note: I've never seen, nor have any interest in seeing, a Bruce Lee film. I just dont care.

Och, ye will:

Bruce lee at the restaurant - Way of the dragon - fight scene

Great link Funt,  Brought back some happy memories.

[repoman]

I love The Manitou.  It's a great film.  Pure '70s wonderfulness.

[The Enigmatic Dr X]

I love The Manitou.  It's a great film.  Pure '70s wonderfulness.

Yes. This, The Entity and The Amtiville Horror ("Geeeet ouuuut") are the epitome of a certain 70s vibe that encopasses classics such as Snow Beast and The Beast Must Die, and ended with Poltergeist (albeit that was 80s).

A golden period of creepy mood after the ham-ness of Hammer but before video nasties took hold.

[wedgeski]

I love The Manitou.  It's a great film.  Pure '70s wonderfulness.

Yes. This, The Entity and The Amtiville Horror ("Geeeet ouuuut") are the epitome of a certain 70s vibe that encopasses classics such as Snow Beast and The Beast Must Die, and ended with Poltergeist (albeit that was 80s).

Poltergeist was the first film to really, truly terrify my entire family. Excellent Hallowe'en viewing, might have to do that.

[Apestrife]

Peter Jackson's King Kong from 2005. A bit long, but I think in large it earned it. Really enjoyed the emphasis on the big ape caring for Naomi Watts' Ann. Not only for being a special effect with heart, but also Naomi's performance. Another thing I liked about the film was how -at times- ruthless it was. Kong throws people around right and left and Adrien Brody's Jack Driscoll accidently hits pedistrians during a car chase. Not the deepest movie I've seen, but a nice and big adventure film.

Also watched Disney's Fantasia from 1940. A really nice collage of amazingly arranged segments of colourful animation and classic music. Went in thinking it was all about Mickey and the wizard, but I was pleasantly surprised by the rest of it as well. Especially one of the last ones about witches and a demon. Has some absolutely amazing visuals. Cannot recommend it enough.

[TordelBack]

The Jackson Kong is good fun, especially the ludicrously long extended edition (best watched as a mini-series). Its main failing is that it's not a patch on the original, but then it's hardly alone in that.

[Apestrife]

The Jackson Kong is good fun, especially the ludicrously long extended edition (best watched as a mini-series). Its main failing is that it's not a patch on the original, but then it's hardly alone in that.

I'll definitely give the extended version a try someday (days)

Remember enjoying LotR ext. that way. A couple of chapter per day. Much better than watching them all in one day. Did that once...

[repoman]

I love The Manitou.  It's a great film.  Pure '70s wonderfulness.

Yes. This, The Entity and The Amtiville Horror ("Geeeet ouuuut") are the epitome of a certain 70s vibe that encopasses classics such as Snow Beast and The Beast Must Die, and ended with Poltergeist (albeit that was 80s).

A golden period of creepy mood after the ham-ness of Hammer but before video nasties took hold.

Amityville is great and very scary but I hate The Entity.  It's a nasty, upsetting film that I saw far too young and wish I hadn't.

Watched Vampires vs. The Bronx last night.  I'm not saying it is up there with Lost Boys or Fright Night but if it was branded as a sequel to either it would not have let the title down at all.  Absolutely loved it.

[Tiplodocus]

 THE MEG; more like THE MEH!

Aggressively sanitised and generic.

[pictsy]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

As I have finished the series I decided to watch the movie.  The movie is... a bit of a mess, tonally.  There are little bits that are just so out of place with the rest of the film, the most glaring example being Pee-wee's hammy death scene.  Overall it ends up being very mediocre.

The Meg is garbage but I still liked it more than The Predator.