Life Spugs because...

[Roger Godpleton]

This is going to sound lame but I've just cleaned up after my brother and he's managed to get tobacco, fag ash and butts absolutely everywhere. What the fuck is wrong with him?

[SamuelAWilkinson]

This is going to sound lame but I've just cleaned up after my brother and he's managed to get tobacco, fag ash and butts absolutely everywhere. What the fuck is wrong with him?

The fact that he shares DNA with you might be a clue.



ZING!

[Dandontdare]

simply return his property like a good brother - in his bed, his shoes, his tea....

[Roger Godpleton]

I'm fairly certain I share DNA with you as well.

Think it through.

[SamuelAWilkinson]

Dammit, the old zing-return. I'll never live it down.


So's your face.

[House of Usher]

I'm fairly certain I share DNA with you as well.

Your mother!

[Jim_Campbell]

... Because I just spent £15 a head and sacrificed three hours of my life on a production of As You Lke It that would have embarrassed a small-town am-dram society.

Absolutely fucking shamefully bad. If I'd ordered a meal in a restaurant that was this bad, I'd have sent it back.

Heartbreak Productions, folks -- they're a touring company, so you have been warned!

Cheers

Jim

[Peter Wolf]

...because the scaffolder has arrived and has started taking the scaffolding down on the adjacent house which means unless i go out i will have to listen to the fucking noise of poles and boards and clips crashing around all fucking day instead of having some piece and quiet on a bank holiday.It will take all day because this inconsiderate old twat is so fucking slow.

The other thing is i wanted to go out and do some work on the wall and his truck is in the way so he is going to move the fucker out of my way.

If i had my way he would fuck off and come back tomorrow.

I am going to give him a piece of my mind anyway.

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR................

[TordelBack]

..somebody in this here library smells utterly rank.  I hope it's not me.

[Minkyboy]

..somebody in this here library smells utterly rank.  I hope it's not me.

No it's that bloke in the overcoat by the crime section.
He has a dead dog in that bag.

[TordelBack]

He has a dead dog in that bag.

Not implausible.  I've been working in here all day and the things I've seen, c-beams glittering in the dark near tannhauser gates have nothing on it.  

Just right this minute, from my desk I can see:  The guy two desks in front of me has fully opened his sopping golf umbrella and rested it against the bookshelves to dry.  The mother using Facebook on the computer by the pillar is (not) watching her two kids pushing library DVDs into the microfiche reader and scrunching the glass trap back and fro.  The two 20-somethings on the local history tables behind me have their hands in each others pants.  The four school kids on the group study table at the far end of this level are eating McDonalds.  And the ridiculously hot Polish librarian is wearing a sheer black bra under a billowy white lacey top, which is not helping me concentrate on the woefully overdue report I'm trying to finish.  

[Peter Wolf]

He has a dead dog in that bag.

Not implausible.  I've been working in here all day and the things I've seen, c-beams glittering in the dark near tannhauser gates have nothing on it.  

Just right this minute, from my desk I can see:  The guy two desks in front of me has fully opened his sopping golf umbrella and rested it against the bookshelves to dry.  The mother using Facebook on the computer by the pillar is (not) watching her two kids pushing library DVDs into the microfiche reader and scrunching the glass trap back and fro.  The two 20-somethings on the local history tables behind me have their hands in each others pants.  The four school kids on the group study table at the far end of this level are eating McDonalds.  And the ridiculously hot Polish librarian is wearing a sheer black bra under a billowy white lacey top, which is not helping me concentrate on the woefully overdue report I'm trying to finish.  

You just need a bunch of noisy toddlers running around either with or without parental oversight and someone else committing a lewd act to complete the picture.

[TordelBack]

You just need a bunch of noisy toddlers running around either with or without parental oversight

White noise at this point, my friend, white noise.    

By the way, while I enjoy complaining about my local library, and the odd fact that is apparently now acceptable here to talk loudly on a mobile phone while buttering bread for a sandwich, it is an absolutely marvelous place. The blindingly fast WiFi access and the copy of Stray Bullets Vol 1 currently sitting beside my computer as a 'finish this thing' carrot offset any number of the Starbucks-drinking wiggers within earshot.

[Mike Gloady]

He has a dead dog in that bag.

Not implausible.  I've been working in here all day and the things I've seen, c-beams glittering in the dark near tannhauser gates have nothing on it. 

Just right this minute, from my desk I can see:  The guy two desks in front of me has fully opened his sopping golf umbrella and rested it against the bookshelves to dry.  The mother using Facebook on the computer by the pillar is (not) watching her two kids pushing library DVDs into the microfiche reader and scrunching the glass trap back and fro.  The two 20-somethings on the local history tables behind me have their hands in each others pants.  The four school kids on the group study table at the far end of this level are eating McDonalds.  And the ridiculously hot Polish librarian is wearing a sheer black bra under a billowy white lacey top, which is not helping me concentrate on the woefully overdue report I'm trying to finish. 

I don't know what to feel, what to think.  I should be annoyed and ashamed you've caught me and my good lady fooling around in the library, but I'm too pleased I've been mistaken for a 20something....

[TordelBack]

I should be annoyed and ashamed you've caught me and my good lady fooling around in the library, but I'm too pleased I've been mistaken for a 20something....

Ah, so that was the smell!  Old people sex!  I suppose I should have recognised it...