VOTING THREAD - "Jumping On": The 33rd Short Story Comp

[Alski]

We're a weeny bit behind on this one, so I thought I'd take the mecha-bull by the horns and sort out a voting thread. Hope that doesn't tread on any toes...

As usual, vote for your top 3 and bung in any other you think worth of an honorable mention. Only five stories so no excuses!

That is all, citizens.

Mrs Joyce's Boys

"Listen, Ma, I've really got to go now ...

No, Ma, of course I love you but I'm incredibly busy just now. If Dredd knew I was talking to you he'd have my guts for garters. No, Ma, you can't speak to him. That wouldn't help.

Wait a minute...

Hurrufh

No, Ma, I didn't say 'hurrufh' at you. I was jumping.

Yes, jumping. I'm at work right now, Ma.

Yes, I did get the parcel. Thank you, Ma. What? No, I'm not wearing them now, they wouldn't go with the uniform. Yes, of course I liked them. I wear them when I'm off duty, Ma.

Excuse ... huff... me just a sec, Ma.

Grunt.

No, Ma, I'm not being rude. I'm running.

What's that? Yes, of course I'm wearing clean underwear. Yes, I know I could get in an accident and have to go to the hospital. No, I'm sure they won't think that, Ma.

Wait ...hurrughh ... Got it! Thank Grud for that. Give me that control stick.

Sorry, Ma. Yes I know I shouldn't take his name in vain. But I jumped onto an out of control flier and I ...what? Yes, I will, Ma. Yes, this Sunday I promise.Yes, twice.

Oh, Ma, don't be like that. Look I'm landing on the ramp now, Ma. Dredd and Pax are waiting for me ...
Yes, you do know Pax. She's that East Meg Judge I told you about.

No, Ma, I don't think she's the one. She's a colleague, Ma. I work with her and they are very strict about that stuff here. Yes, Ma, I'm sure she is very clean.

Ok, I'm going to sign off, Ma. I'll call you tonight. I've got to report to Dredd now.
No, I won't tell him that, Ma. Goodbye now."

"Quite finished, Joyce?"

"Yes, Sir"

"Unconventional aerial approach but effective. Next time use your safety line, that's what it's for. Sentencing?"

"Well they're just a couple of lads, Sir. Just larking about really. I'd say a couple of months juve community service."

"Hmmm. Pax?"

"Piloting a poorly maintained flier. Reckless endangerment. Four months juve cubes. Adjusted to three months with DOC correction factor."

"Appropriate.
Joyce, you will retake the sentencing module when you get off duty tonight. No more stunts like that without the safety line. Can't afford to lose any more Judges."

"Yes, Sir"

"And instruct control not to put any more personal calls through while you're on assessment."

"I already did that, Sir. She still gets through. You know what mothers are like."

"No, Joyce. No I don't."

"Forn Devil"

The bar was called Joyce's, so Joyce couldn't in good conscience walk past without sampling a little of what Mega City had to offer. Back in the Emerald Isle, Judges were encouraged to stimulate the local economy, at least the brewery part of it, so he didn't see what harm it would do. After all, it was his night off to get acclimatised before Dredd turned him into a Mega City judge.

Mindful of his new status, he contented himself with a sythi-beer, (as non alcoholic as a leprechaun's fart), mainly because he had a feeling that Dredd was watching his every move. He supposed all Mega City judges felt that way, and it tasted pretty good so what the feck.

"What the sneck's THAT?", snarled a voice, accompanied by a rough tap on the shoulder.

"Huh?" replied Joyce. "What the what's what?"

"Your tatt. Looks a bit foreign, buddy," said the large, drunk cit, forcing the words through teeth filed into points.

Joyce realized he meant the green tattoo on the back of his neck.

"Oh, that's me lucky shamrock, so it is," he replied genially. "Keeps me safe and sound as a Brit Cit pound it does."

The cit digested the information, the process quite slow.

"So I was right!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "You're not from round here, are ya boy?"

"You've got me there, sir," admitted Joyce. "I'm over from the old Emerald isle, Grud's own country."

"We don't take kindly to foreigners in mega City," said the cit, pronouncing it 'Forners'. "If ya ain't noticed, boy, we done had a little plague problem caused by foreigners."

"Oh yes," agreed Joyce. "Terrible business, so it was. I can't blame you for not liking foreigners. Good luck to you, Sir."

With that, he turned back to the bar and sipped his synthi-beer. Nice fella, he thought. Next thing he knew, instead of a tap on the shoulder he got a proper shove in the back, hard enough to make him spill his pint. The knowledgable amongst you should be aware that this is a VERY serious crime in the Emerald Isle, often punishable by a good kick in the knackers.

Joyce turned round again to find the pointy toothed cit, joined by six of his friends, all of similar appearance and disposition. He noticed one had a patch on the front of his jacket, proudly stating his membership of the "Mike Tyson Block Biters Association".

"Good evening, fellas," he said with a smile. "I'm guessing you don't like foreigners either?"

"Damn straight," growled one.

"Then why the feck are you in an Irish bar?" Joyce asked, genuinely curious.

As confusion spread over their faces, Joyce got his retaliation in first, and as his elbows, knees and head flew left right and centre, the Mike Tyson Block Biters Association went down for the count.

"Jeez, mister," the barman said afterwards. "You'd better split, else the judges will cube you for sure."

"No worries," said Joyce. "I'm a judge meself, off duty as it were." He finished his pint. "When they wake up tell 'em to be a little more tolerant in the future." With that he left the bar, a smile on his face.

Watching on the spy in the sky, Dredd was both impressed and doubtful about his new recruit. Those cits should be in the cubes by now, not let off with a beating. "Joyce's knowledge of Mega-City One Law is poor but he displays considerable courage" he thought. "I can work with that... "

THE FREEFALL TYGER

Fintan, Fintan, falling free,
Past the windows of the Mega-City;
Can your mortal hand co-ordinate with your eye,
To grab that frame as that car flies by?

As you tumble through the skies,
Watched by cold bionic eyes,
Without wings you must aspire,
Because if you miss, you'll have to seize that tire.

Twist your shoulder, it's like an art,
Ignore the hammer of your heart,
The H-wagon has dropped a rope,
But it's by Dredd's hand, it's near Dredd's feet.

Like a hammer, like a train,
Adrenalin pulses through your brain.
If you miss, you'll be just a stain,
No hope of rescue, beyond Dredd's grasp.

Like a spear, you must fly straight,
Everything must co-ordinate.
If this works, Pax might crack a smile,
It's just you who must choke back bile.

Fintan, Fintan, falling free,
Past the windows of the Mega-City;
Can your mortal hand co-ordinate with your eye,
To grab that frame as that car flies by?

Burger Queen

The window shattered as Joyce leapt through, emerging from the searing heat and thick black smoke.  Actually, the window shattered due to the exceptionally well placed shot from Judge Pax shortly before Joyce leapt through, but that's not important.

The Jude Law Orphans Home was now a towering inferno and Joyce felt grateful for the degree of protection that his Judge's uniform had given him.  He looked down at the two juves under his arms and allowed himself a moment of pride. 

It all started as a harmless incident.  Initial reports indicate that a malfunction with the computer system had led to a 5 minute service outage at the Burger Queen restaurant.  Not a problem for your normal citizen but a lifetime for a fattie and things had quickly gotten out of hand.  Combine this with vats of boiling hot fat and it soon went up in flames.

According to the medics, the high calorie diet of your average fattie combined with their tendency to sweat meant that their clothing had basically become wicks which once set alight, would continue to burn for some time, feeding off the immense fuel source.  Joyce recalled when he first arrived that it would have been funny if it weren't so tragic, watching the fatties charging around whilst alight. 

There was nothing that could be done for them but there was still a chance for the juves of the orphans home housed above.  Dredd and Pax opened the locked fire escape and most of the juves got out into safety.  Joyce's heart sank when he saw two little faces at the window with flames dancing around behind them.

Without pausing, Joyce rushed past the others up the fire escape and into the thick black smoke.  The respirator on his helmet provided a small amount of oxygen but he knew time was most definitely limited.  He worked through to where he saw the faces but the window was now empty.

Scanning around the room his eyes fell to below the bed where those familiar faces were now peering from.  "Thank feck for that" he thought to himself as he quickly scooped the juves up and turned around just in time to see the doorway collapse.

The only escape route left was the window so Joyce bounded forward and leapt at it, trying his best to shield the juves that were under his arms.  The window shattered, fire crackled and smoke bellowed out as the room caved in behind them. 

Despite feeling pretty good, Joyce knew he missed an opportunity when reviewing the situation.  The Burger Queen incident was an accident but Pax pointed out that the locked fire exit and lack of suitable fire protection in the orphans home was grossly negligent.  The owner was now spending the next three years in a cube and Joyce had been assigned to extra building regulations classes. 

Still, when he thought of the two juves hugging him after their great escape, he didn't mind so much.

Almost Joyces Wake



but he displays considerable courage


Dredd steadfastly, stoic and assured as the fiery shuttle fell forlornly past the crash and burn of the flaming screaming city. Allabrokenandanbeatingheartspumping boom boom boom in his chest Joyce was back to the landing pad. Boom. Boom. Boom. So good to get his feet on dry rockcrete. Crockreat.


Boom. Boom. Booooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.


Did I ever tell ye I was cadet jumping champion of 2129?


Smoke rising and an element of truth in his words examined by 2 sets of bionic eyes though through words all lain out alien tidy neat anawl so typedoncomputerina bubble to sea. All lame and spidery. Seen Cyrillic, Brave and lyric their Giodelic charm.

Champion.



They were all nations united by disaster into one flowing stream of consciousness. Caught in a labyrinth on the hunt for the baneful bairn. With intentions fair and smiling eyes awl their journey had so far found no result. Sometimes the ending come to you though. Sometimes in stories and songs and sickness the end comes hurtling into your arms.



Then the Goblin King came down all ZowieBowie makeup shut and lovelorn darts. Dark. From skyward shuttling, strutting and wayward and hurtling at them. Hurting them. Then Joyce jumped up. Boom. Alla fire yan flaming shuttle come though zooming pasts too fast, Boom, and Joyce a heartbeating jumped on. Boom. Missed.  Landed. Safe.


I can't believe ye let fellers drive like so in the Big Meg!



Joyce's knowledge of Mega-City One law is poor,

There ya go - not too many so get readin' and get votin'

[Eamonn Clarke]

I'm feeling literary so:
1. Almost Joyce's Wake by Skullmo
2. The Freefall Tyger by Lobo Baggins
3. Form Devil by Alski

Hm to Recrewt

[Lobo Baggins]

1. Almost Joyces Wake by Skullmo

2. Mrs Joyce's Boys by eamonn1961

3. Burger Queen by Recrewt

HM goes to Alski (I had to toss a coin for third place, I liked them both...)

[hippynumber1]

1 - Forn Devil by Alski
2 - Almost Joyce's Wake by Skullmo
3 - Mrs Joyce's Boys by eamonn1961

[Skullmo]

Lobo - THE FREEFALL TYGER (nice to see some poetry!)
Recrewt - Burger Queen
Alski - Forn Devil

HM to Eamonn!

All were great though! And a difficult topic Well done lads.

[hippynumber1]

Lobo - THE FREEFALL TYGER (nice to see some poetry!)

No offence Lobo and nothing personal but this infuriated me! It's a short story comp. of no more than 500 words. Not poetry. Not 5,000 words. It's the sort of things my students do - 'hmmmm, these are the criteria? I'll just put those to one side.'  Sorry!

[Lobo Baggins]

Lobo - THE FREEFALL TYGER (nice to see some poetry!)

No offence Lobo and nothing personal but this infuriated me! It's a short story comp. of no more than 500 words. Not poetry. Not 5,000 words. It's the sort of things my students do - 'hmmmm, these are the criteria? I'll just put those to one side.'  Sorry!

Aw, be fair now, Hippy - it's a bit over generous calling it 'poetry', too!

[Alski]

I'll go for

1 - Burger Queen by Recrewt

2 - Mrs Joyce's Boys by Eamonn1961

3 - Almost Joyce's Wake by Skullmo

HM to Lobo for trying something clever!

[Skullmo]

Lobo - THE FREEFALL TYGER (nice to see some poetry!)

No offence Lobo and nothing personal but this infuriated me! It's a short story comp. of no more than 500 words. Not poetry. Not 5,000 words. It's the sort of things my students do - 'hmmmm, these are the criteria? I'll just put those to one side.'  Sorry!

Teachers stifling creativity again! Tut tut!

Didn't Morrissey write a song about you guys.

[hippynumber1]

Fuck Morrisey!  Writing within a given framework forces creativity! If you're given a haiku to write, you don't hand in a sonnet! 

[Skullmo]

That's what the teachers said to Shakespeare.

Probably

[hippynumber1]

No, what they said to Shakespeare was 'Stop plagiarising, young Will!' 

[bluemeanie]

Firstly I was supposed to start this voting thread... SORRY! Not been on the forums much lately, lovely though they are 

So, my three

1 - Eamonn1961 Mrs Joyce's Boys

2 - Alski Forn Devil

3 - Lobo Baggins THE FREEFALL TYGER

I'll check with Lizzie the appropriate time to let the voting run then I'll do the wrap up. honest!

[blackmocco]

Eamonn1961
Alski
Skullmo

Great stuff!

[judda fett]

1. Skullmo
2. Eamonn1961
3. Recrewt