Life is sometimes sort of okay because...

[Taryn Tailz]

... there is a difference between 'you're on the waiting list for a year' to suddenly 'we'll see you next month'.

"The murmurs ebb; onto the stage I enter.
I am trying, standing in the door,
To discover in the distant echoes
What the coming years may hold in store.

The nocturnal darkness with a thousand
Binoculars is focused onto me.
Take away this cup, O Abba Father,
Everything is possible to thee.

I am fond of this thy stubborn project,
And to play my part I am content.
But another drama is in progress,
And, this once, O let me be exempt.

But the plan of action is determined,
And the end irrevocably sealed.
I am alone; all round me drowns in falsehood:
Life is not a walk across a field"

Pasternak

(Sorry, massive fan of Soviet era Russian poetry.)

That's exactly what I was going to say.

Er, sorry. Fair play, Taryn, that's great news.

Just out of interest, what will happen during the appointment? None of my business of course, and please feel free to tell me to feck off, but I honestly do find the whole thing really interesting, it being a topic I know practically nothing about.

Not at all. There's nothing wrong with curiosity, so long as it's polite (seriously, so many people immediately think the contents of your trousers are open for discussion).
I'm not 100% sure exactly what will happen during the initial appointment, but most likely it will involve discussing my life history, particularly as regards to Gender Dysphoria, and the Dr getting as much information about me as possible. Then at some point I'll have a meeting with a psychiatrist, and then a plan of action will be drawn up (hormone replacement therapy, voice therapy, etc). I don't want any surgery, so I'll have to make sure they make a note of that.

[Tjm86]

I'm delighted to have provided you with the opportunity to present us with some.

Hey, you want to try Anna Akhamtova.  Poem Without A Hero is positively sublime!

"there is no first, fourth or fortieth version.  What I have written, I have written."

Unfortunately it doesn't work too well as a quote to management that want a rewrite for some reason.   

[IAMTHESYSTEM]

A local drunk made some unwelcome remarks as we made our way home laden with shopping but Zarjazzer was in a mood and gave him some searching advise to say the least. We walked our way and he continued on his perambulation but I must admit I felt a great surge of Adrenalin and a grim satisfaction at seeing someone who appeared to abuse people whenever he had the inclination effectively withdrawing from the field. I'm a bit shocked by this reaction since the drunk was very inebriated and probably had some troubles in his life and it's not as if he was aggressive, just annoying yet I could feel the blood pumping in my heart, the dull anger at the slight he'd put upon us. There is something dark in human nature and the devil is always closer to home than you think. Is this how Policemen, Security guards, Soldiers even feel in dispensing an enemy? It surely can't be right to feel you've bettered a drunk can it? Yet that's how it felt for a moment. 

[Proudhuff]

[JayzusB.Christ]

Not at all. There's nothing wrong with curiosity, so long as it's polite (seriously, so many people immediately think the contents of your trousers are open for discussion).
I'm not 100% sure exactly what will happen during the initial appointment, but most likely it will involve discussing my life history, particularly as regards to Gender Dysphoria, and the Dr getting as much information about me as possible. Then at some point I'll have a meeting with a psychiatrist, and then a plan of action will be drawn up (hormone replacement therapy, voice therapy, etc). I don't want any surgery, so I'll have to make sure they make a note of that.

Cheers, Taryn!  I suppose the no surgery option kind of has to be clear from the outset 

[sheridan]

Thanks for sharing - I've had a few friends go through re-assignment (MtF, FtM and to varying degrees), though not close enough to have had a detailed run-down of the process.

[Taryn Tailz]

30 days and counting...well, 29 technically as it is well past midnight.

Must admit to having something of a moment tonight. One second I was incredibly excited about the Gender Clinic and wished it was happening sooner, then I just kind of...crashed.

I know I've always been uncomfortable and felt like I didn't fit as a male, and I know that I've always envied and wished to be seen as female, but I do worry. Will I pass once I'm on hormones? What happens if I don't pass and can't go back, ending up trapped as neither one thing nor the other? I'm certain I never want surgery, so does that I mean I shouldn't even be doing this? But then, I wouldn't even have got this far had there not been an issue with my gender identity already. I've had it confirmed by a psychologist and there's the very real possibility that my hormones are naturally closer to female than male anyway, hence why I'm built more like a female in the first place. I know I don't like masculinity, but is that enough? I guess these are just the questions that run through your head when you're alone.

Anyway, I'm sure that's the whole point of the clinic; to ascertain what's best for me and proceed from there. Not like they're gonna tie me down and start hacking away at me the moment I step through the door. haha

Once again I want to reiterate how grateful I am for the support I've been given on here. It means a lot to have the support of other people, who aren't also trans. It really is much appreciated.

[The Legendary Shark]

FWIW, the future is generally scary, Taryn, and,  added to that, you're taking a big step, which is also scary. I'd say it's perfectly natural to question yourself and fret a bit.

You aren't the first person to go through this and the folk at the clinic will have the training and experience to help you through it all. Maybe it would help you to keep a diary of your thoughts and feelings, getting this kind of stuff out of your head and onto paper can make things seem less scary.

Whether you decide to go ahead with the process right away, or wait a while, or change your mind, doesn't matter to me. You will have my support and understanding regardless.

[Taryn Tailz]

Thank you Shark. That means a lot, it really does.

[JayzusB.Christ]

Some of you may remember how I was scammed out of €1500 earlier this year.  While I have no idea how far the polis went with my own case, it would seem my man won't be duping anyone else for a year or two.  I won't get my money back but I'm glad other people will be safe from him for a while.  Enjoy your new home, Liam.  Prick.

http://www.irishexaminer.com/ireland/year-in-jail-for-duping-2400-out-of-victims-422422.html

[TordelBack]

Some of you may remember how I was scammed out of €1500 earlier this year.  While I have no idea how far the polis went with my own case, it would seem my man won't be duping anyone else for a year or two.  I won't get my money back but I'm glad other people will be safe from him for a while.  Enjoy your new home, Liam.  Prick.

http://www.irishexaminer.com/ireland/year-in-jail-for-duping-2400-out-of-victims-422422.html

Excellent news! Although I'm not sure how I feel about a convicted conman studying psychology while in prison...

[JayzusB.Christ]

That's exactly what I thought 

[Jim_Campbell]

Once again I want to reiterate how grateful I am for the support I've been given on here. It means a lot to have the support of other people, who aren't also trans. It really is much appreciated.

Here's the thing... one of my friends of longest standing transitioned a year or so ago. I'll be upfront about this: I can't entirely get my head around it. It's something so far outside my frame of reference that I genuinely struggle to get to grips with it, but a gay friend of mine* observed that the the key pitfall of the transgender transition is that you project everything that's wrong with your life onto your gender identity and when you DO transition, it turns out 90% of that shit had nothing to do with your gender identity and it's still basically crap.

Which is NOT to say that I'm trying to discourage you... but you should be aware of placing more importance on this specific issue than, maybe, it strictly deserves.


*I mention his gayness simply because he drew a parallel between his teenage belief that, if he only came out, everything that was making him miserable would magically be solved, and our mutual friend's belief that his life would be immeasurably better once he transitioned. Sadly, it's not that simple...

[Taryn Tailz]

Once again I want to reiterate how grateful I am for the support I've been given on here. It means a lot to have the support of other people, who aren't also trans. It really is much appreciated.

Here's the thing... one of my friends of longest standing transitioned a year or so ago. I'll be upfront about this: I can't entirely get my head around it. It's something so far outside my frame of reference that I genuinely struggle to get to grips with it, but a gay friend of mine* observed that the the key pitfall of the transgender transition is that you project everything that's wrong with your life onto your gender identity and when you DO transition, it turns out 90% of that shit had nothing to do with your gender identity and it's still basically crap.

Which is NOT to say that I'm trying to discourage you... but you should be aware of placing more importance on this specific issue than, maybe, it strictly deserves.


*I mention his gayness simply because he drew a parallel between his teenage belief that, if he only came out, everything that was making him miserable would magically be solved, and our mutual friend's belief that his life would be immeasurably better once he transitioned. Sadly, it's not that simple...

Thanks Jim.

I'm well aware that it can be easy to think transitioning will fix everything, but I've been well educated by my support group, and know I shall still be the same person when I reach the other side, with the same interests and the same flaws.

It will, hopefully, fix my lifelong discomfort with being male, my lifelong desire to be seen as being female, and I hope will help fix my aversion to myself, which has meant I avoid mirrors (which cause me a great deal of distress) and haven't had my photograph taken for three years now.

[Taryn Tailz]

Once again I want to reiterate how grateful I am for the support I've been given on here. It means a lot to have the support of other people, who aren't also trans. It really is much appreciated.

Here's the thing... one of my friends of longest standing transitioned a year or so ago. I'll be upfront about this: I can't entirely get my head around it. It's something so far outside my frame of reference that I genuinely struggle to get to grips with it,

The easiest way I can think of helping someone understand it is this:

Imagine you woke up tomorrow morning and everybody suddenly started to act as though you were a woman. Your friends, family, colleagues etc, all begin to refer to you as she. Your wardrobe is entirely female clothing and make-up, which look ridiculous to you when you look in the mirror, because you still see a man staring back, even though everyone else assures you you look normal. You know you're a man, you see a man, you've always been a man, but everyone else now sees a woman.

Wouldn't you then want to change things to make you feel more comfortable in your own body? To wear male clothes and lose the make-up etc? To assert your masculinity?

This is how it feels for a transgender person everyday. Sure, they may not have biologically been the gender they identify with, but research is increasingly showing that transgender peoples brains more closely resemble the gender they identify as, than as the gender they were assigned with.

Hope this helps give a bit of context.
(Though when we're all cyborgs it won't matter anyway.)