Well, it's the start of a New Year, we're still reading a futuristic comic called "2000AD" in 2015, we think a fascist cop is a great role model, some of us send letters addressed to a Betelgeusian alien, and when someone asks us to write a limerick we bloody well do so.
Isn't life great!
Entries for anything to do with creative writing have dwindled to the point where it may be time to retire the comp, so let's have your votes for the bestest limerick anyway and I'll have a think about it all.
Vote for your top three, please.
Once again we have a 2000AD Graphic novel for the winner and one random voter chosen by my cat. Many thanks to rebellion for supporting these comps.
BCB
----------------------------------------------------------------
Mark Taylor
Thar once wuz a buttist named Mean,
Whose buttin' wuz viciously keen;
With his dial set ta four,
He'd butt ya ta gore,
'Til all that wuz left wuz yore spleen.
Mark Taylor 2
There once was droid known as Mek-Quake,
Whose pleasure and joy was to unmake.
"Big jobs!" he'd proclaim,
As he'd rupture and maim,
Both robots and humans in his wake.
Mark Taylor 3
The comic, 2000 AD,
Is the greatest in the galaxy.
All mortals shall cower,
Awed by it's thrill-power,
For that's how Tharg meant it to be.
--------------------------------------------------
Strontium 71
There once was a beardy man called Moore
Who is always asked 'Halo Jones - where's book four?'
Get off your high horse
I'm kidding of course
Don't be a bore Moore , and give us some more...
---------------------------------------------------------
Albion
Rinus Limpopop Quintz
At Christmas liked pies full of mince
He ate such a glut
He got a pain in his gut
By grud did it make him wince
-------------------------------------------------
Misanthrope
There once was a lawman called Dredd.
Who let all his of his enemies eat lead.
They would fall to the floor when he yelled "I am the Law!"
Simply because they were dead.
-------------------------------------------------
King Pops
A cigar that was anthropomorphic
And his mate who didn't get logic
Both tortured a man
By the name of Sam
Who hunted for all things robotic
King Pops 2
Thryllseekyr posts stuff on the forum
As Much as we try to ignore 'im.
His love of Slain (sp)
Is just so insane
We just can't but help but adore 'im.
-----------------------------------------------------
Satanist
There once was a young boarder called Roger,
Whos Mom was real fond of the todger,
Banned for posting a picture,
of a close up of a sphincter,
He lives on in the minds of old codgers.
--------------------------------------------------
John McF
Sláine Mac Roth in a corner was stuck,
By some warriors trying their luck,
So he had a warp spasm,
Which caused an orgasm,
And covered them all in his muck.
----------------------------
The Legendary Shark
I'm in love with an eclectic lady,
Who's clever and sexy and shady,
She's not run-of-the-mill,
She knows just how to thrill,
My own darling 2000AD.
--------------------------------------------
Beeks (a double limerick but Judges have allowed it)
The eventful life of a fish
Was spared from a restaurant dish
By benevolent Cal
Who became his best pal
Piscine Deputy Chief by his wish
Dredd sent an assassin named Slocum
To not boil baste or fry but just smoke em
Judge Fish ended up dead
Cal recruited a Klegg
The law nearly died it was spoken
--------------------------------------------------
Eamonn1961 (a QUADRUPLE limerick but again the Judges have allowed it)
Give us this day our Daily Star Dredd
A canvas on which great wonders are spread
With writing by John
And art by our Ron
It's a book that demands to be read.
The star girls have come and then gone
To marriage, or acting or pron
Our attention they'd catch
But Dredd was more than a match
Even though they had so little on
Each story a self contained gem
So that we never tire of them
In ten panels or less
They contain such greatness
That they really should be in a museum
Give us this day our daily Dredd
So that our long starved appetite my be fed
The missing strips have been found
Let the trumpet call sound
For this book which demands to be read.
--------------------------------------------
Goosegash (non rhyming last like permitted in this case)
There was a young Russian called Nik
Whose wits were especially quick.
But the Romanov son
Was second to none
When it came to defending his...honour.
----------------------------------------------
NapalmKev
There once was a Soldier named Rogue,
Who, suddenly, wasn't 'In Vogue!
Re-booted too Fuck,
but still out of Luck,
It's a shame cause the character's Gold!
-----------------------------------------
Bad City Blue
An odourous mudball named Quinch
Thought dating girls would be a cinch,
But with a stink like no other,
He soon would discover,
they suffered from death at first clinch
--------------------------------------------------
Skullmo
There once was a Strontium Dog
Whose visage resembled a frog.
He was a great bloke,
But sadly did croak,
And never appeared in the Prog.
Skullmo 2
There once was a stront named middenface
whose blaster aim was all over the place
try as he might
he couldn't get it right
but it was because he was off his face
------------------------------
ZenArcade
There is a big City out east
Where they say reigns Justice and peace
Many muties have went
Only to return ruined and spent
Damning it as the lair of the beast
----------------------------------------------
Echidna
There was an old Judge from Nantucket
Whose helmet was shaped like a bucket
When the going got tough
He'd just pull it off
And under his arm he would tuck it.
-----------------------------------------------------
Mardroid
There was an old man called Dredd
Who long ago should of been dead
If the perps had been quick
Or a tad less thick
He'd be napping in dirt for a bed.
---------------------------------------------------
Spaceghost
There was a young Barp called Ace Garp,
Who hailed from the planet of Parp,
For abundance of brain,
He had never known fame,
But boy, was his pointy head sharp!
--------------------------------------------------------------
okay, Droogies, that's yer lot
A couple of "anti limericks" have been left out, as well as one that wasn't a limerick at all, but i have to say I'm impressed with the number and quality of the entries.
Happy voting, and remember one of youy will win a 2000ad prize just for voting!
Isn't life great!
Entries for anything to do with creative writing have dwindled to the point where it may be time to retire the comp, so let's have your votes for the bestest limerick anyway and I'll have a think about it all.
Vote for your top three, please.
Once again we have a 2000AD Graphic novel for the winner and one random voter chosen by my cat. Many thanks to rebellion for supporting these comps.
BCB
----------------------------------------------------------------
Mark Taylor
Thar once wuz a buttist named Mean,
Whose buttin' wuz viciously keen;
With his dial set ta four,
He'd butt ya ta gore,
'Til all that wuz left wuz yore spleen.
Mark Taylor 2
There once was droid known as Mek-Quake,
Whose pleasure and joy was to unmake.
"Big jobs!" he'd proclaim,
As he'd rupture and maim,
Both robots and humans in his wake.
Mark Taylor 3
The comic, 2000 AD,
Is the greatest in the galaxy.
All mortals shall cower,
Awed by it's thrill-power,
For that's how Tharg meant it to be.
--------------------------------------------------
Strontium 71
There once was a beardy man called Moore
Who is always asked 'Halo Jones - where's book four?'
Get off your high horse
I'm kidding of course
Don't be a bore Moore , and give us some more...
---------------------------------------------------------
Albion
Rinus Limpopop Quintz
At Christmas liked pies full of mince
He ate such a glut
He got a pain in his gut
By grud did it make him wince
-------------------------------------------------
Misanthrope
There once was a lawman called Dredd.
Who let all his of his enemies eat lead.
They would fall to the floor when he yelled "I am the Law!"
Simply because they were dead.
-------------------------------------------------
King Pops
A cigar that was anthropomorphic
And his mate who didn't get logic
Both tortured a man
By the name of Sam
Who hunted for all things robotic
King Pops 2
Thryllseekyr posts stuff on the forum
As Much as we try to ignore 'im.
His love of Slain (sp)
Is just so insane
We just can't but help but adore 'im.
-----------------------------------------------------
Satanist
There once was a young boarder called Roger,
Whos Mom was real fond of the todger,
Banned for posting a picture,
of a close up of a sphincter,
He lives on in the minds of old codgers.
--------------------------------------------------
John McF
Sláine Mac Roth in a corner was stuck,
By some warriors trying their luck,
So he had a warp spasm,
Which caused an orgasm,
And covered them all in his muck.
----------------------------
The Legendary Shark
I'm in love with an eclectic lady,
Who's clever and sexy and shady,
She's not run-of-the-mill,
She knows just how to thrill,
My own darling 2000AD.
--------------------------------------------
Beeks (a double limerick but Judges have allowed it)
The eventful life of a fish
Was spared from a restaurant dish
By benevolent Cal
Who became his best pal
Piscine Deputy Chief by his wish
Dredd sent an assassin named Slocum
To not boil baste or fry but just smoke em
Judge Fish ended up dead
Cal recruited a Klegg
The law nearly died it was spoken
--------------------------------------------------
Eamonn1961 (a QUADRUPLE limerick but again the Judges have allowed it)
Give us this day our Daily Star Dredd
A canvas on which great wonders are spread
With writing by John
And art by our Ron
It's a book that demands to be read.
The star girls have come and then gone
To marriage, or acting or pron
Our attention they'd catch
But Dredd was more than a match
Even though they had so little on
Each story a self contained gem
So that we never tire of them
In ten panels or less
They contain such greatness
That they really should be in a museum
Give us this day our daily Dredd
So that our long starved appetite my be fed
The missing strips have been found
Let the trumpet call sound
For this book which demands to be read.
--------------------------------------------
Goosegash (non rhyming last like permitted in this case)
There was a young Russian called Nik
Whose wits were especially quick.
But the Romanov son
Was second to none
When it came to defending his...honour.
----------------------------------------------
NapalmKev
There once was a Soldier named Rogue,
Who, suddenly, wasn't 'In Vogue!
Re-booted too Fuck,
but still out of Luck,
It's a shame cause the character's Gold!
-----------------------------------------
Bad City Blue
An odourous mudball named Quinch
Thought dating girls would be a cinch,
But with a stink like no other,
He soon would discover,
they suffered from death at first clinch
--------------------------------------------------
Skullmo
There once was a Strontium Dog
Whose visage resembled a frog.
He was a great bloke,
But sadly did croak,
And never appeared in the Prog.
Skullmo 2
There once was a stront named middenface
whose blaster aim was all over the place
try as he might
he couldn't get it right
but it was because he was off his face
------------------------------
ZenArcade
There is a big City out east
Where they say reigns Justice and peace
Many muties have went
Only to return ruined and spent
Damning it as the lair of the beast
----------------------------------------------
Echidna
There was an old Judge from Nantucket
Whose helmet was shaped like a bucket
When the going got tough
He'd just pull it off
And under his arm he would tuck it.
-----------------------------------------------------
Mardroid
There was an old man called Dredd
Who long ago should of been dead
If the perps had been quick
Or a tad less thick
He'd be napping in dirt for a bed.
---------------------------------------------------
Spaceghost
There was a young Barp called Ace Garp,
Who hailed from the planet of Parp,
For abundance of brain,
He had never known fame,
But boy, was his pointy head sharp!
--------------------------------------------------------------
okay, Droogies, that's yer lot
A couple of "anti limericks" have been left out, as well as one that wasn't a limerick at all, but i have to say I'm impressed with the number and quality of the entries.
Happy voting, and remember one of youy will win a 2000ad prize just for voting!
