Writing To Tharg - 2008

[Dounreay]

I grudingly concede defeat on the dates point.

Would that be a photo of your own wife or somebody elses?

[Buttonman]

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A grey lunchtime at Castle Letterskull was happily interrupted by  the familiar thump-thump of  the monthly Prog/Meg double dunter arriving on the door mat. The â??Hurrahsâ?? were quickly reassessed to  â??Hmmmsâ?? when we learned that the Prog remained letterless once more. Thatâ??s two in a row and for the sake of hyperbole we can say there havenâ??t been letters in all year. OK itâ??s January 7th but itâ??s hardly an auspicious start.

Happily the Megazine maintained its momentum and indeed its claim to be THE letters friendly publication. Indeed our frenzied flick through the pages looking for Dreddlines was unnecessary as the management decided to yield to public pressure and put it where it belongs - on the inside back cover.

The new layout has been Tweeked slightly with the six letters staring out bold and proud. The spacing is nice and the red titles for each letter add a soupcon of class to the whole affair. Once again we are disappointed with the lack of feedback with only one letter deemed worthy of the editorâ??s wisdom - and that was to pump the subs department - as usual!

Anyway once more unto the breach, letâ??s have a look to see whoâ??s worthy this 4 week.

First to take a shot is Dave Massey of Birmingham who jumps on the toes of our other Dave pal from Birmingham, he of the Evans variety.  Dave starts off poorly starting a sentence with â??Justâ?? and then compounding the felony by describing Satanus as â??fantasticâ?. Fantastic load of dino-crap maybe. His gushing for Hicklenton and Mills is enthusiastic and you never get graphic novel poor sending in stuff like this. Dave may be a first timer although we do have a Dave Massey from Birmingham recorded for Prog 597 back in 1988. Given his unusual surname we are inclined to believe he is the same one. Only one other â??Masseyâ?? has hit the mark, Stephen from Blackpool in Prog 210.

Next in the photo frame is Phillip Jessop of Kent who  sends the unsuspecting editor a veritable stink bomb of abuse and misinformed babble. We do like a good rant but some of the stuff here is plain rotten â??Dreddâ??s triumph seemed pre-ordained from the startâ? well duh! It would be a pretty thin issue next month if he copped it! Fair enough heâ??s had the odd reverse but to suggest a triumph is poor scripting misses the point of  having a hero character in the first place. His coup de grace where he likens a failing Megazine to the Teletubbies is also a non-sequitur - I bet the Editor would kill for their circulation! This is Phillips 6th offering although he went a bit casual in Prog 1256 where he was â??Philâ??. He was last seen as recently as 2007â??s Prog 2008 and his record dates back to prog1231 in 2001.

Kingsley, Martinâ?¦ at last the Amis triumvirate is complete with the addition of Toby from Norfolk. Toby shows his writing credentials by bitching about the artwork and praising the scribes. In truth his letter is more bargain bin than Booker but at least it fills the middle of the page in a way that all the other letters fail to do. Tony is a strange fish to categorize as we have 4 Tony Amises (Ami?) but 2 are from Great Yarmouth and 2 are from Norfolk. Obviously our â??Big Book of Tractorsâ?? tells us Great Yarmouth is in Norfolk but the two Megazine letters show the former and the 2 Prog ones show the latter. We can only conclude Tony has his own database of letters and plists his address according to which journal gets the letter. Stylish stuff! If they are all the same man then he dates back to 1982 and Prog 250. His first  Megazine outing was in issue 125 (V3.22) in 1996.

In fourth slot is a souper offering from Neil Baxter. Bullet is a bit unfocused, asking for old stuff, new stuff and then even newer stuff from people who have yet to pick up a crayon. Itâ??s nice he wants to help but with a scattergun approach like he suggest we can only end up with, well a Megazine like it is just now. His wealth of questions are totally ignored by the management which makes you wonder why they bothered printing them. Instead they will have to hang like so many stale farts. This is Neilâ??s first Megazine letter and his 5th overall. Somewhat surprisingly he is the only Baxter to trouble the letters guru although Lee, Paul and Wendy have all had drawings published.

Penultimate letter award of the month goes to Joseph Teulon who must have thought he was writing to the defunct â??Smash Hitsâ??, starting his letter as he does with â??Oh Wowâ?. Joseph states he is a new reader and most welcome he is too. His gushy prose is less tasty though and his cynical inclusion of an availability issue meant publication was all but guaranteed. Interestingly enough for a magazine dedicated to Joe Dredd, Joseph is the first â??Josephâ?? to get a letter published - amazing! He is also the first â??Josephâ?? of the 21st century and of the 7 who have been published in all time none have managed to repeat the feat. Curse of Dredd indeed!

Last up is the first non-English writer of the year, (and he might be too!) Michael Renehan from Indonesia. Weâ??re guessing English isnâ??t Michaelâ??s first language as we canâ??t imagine any native speaker involuntarily exclaim â??What a classicâ? and then think itâ??s time to tell other people. He paints a glorious picture of Bali with fireflies and rice filed and massive bombings. Ooops he forgot the last bit. His smug self satisfaction grates somewhat but at least we went out on a happy note, a bit like the bit that makes you go â??awwâ?? at the end of News at Ten. Michael is the first Indonesian resident to get a credit in any Tharg publication and heâ??s the 146 Michael to claim letter credit.

Well done to the Megazine for printing a full page with a healthy six letters that offered various  and conflicting view points. More replies would have been welcome but given the barren period over at 2000ad weâ??ll take what weâ??re given thank you very much.

Year to date
2000ad 0/2
Megazine 2/2
Total letters 10
Leading Score : 3  (Tied by 10)

[Proudhuff]

Fun stuff indeed

The highlight of a drech day (so far)

Huffty

ps your wife.

[Tiplodocus]

I enjoy reading this more than I enjoy reading the letters and half of the articles.

[Hoagy]

"Not sure if you got one in Krombasher or whether you are just happy that others didn't. Full letter details on the 'Writing to Tharg 2008' thread in 'Suggestions. "

How do. I'm here to hexplain myself.

Forgive if I am a little reclined, busy night, last night.

pwoo.

I'm saying 'Hurrah' at the chance to see fresh opinions. In fact the SHOPPING FUTURES letter is a stand out example of how I feel.

Fresh faces can mean fresh readers . Am I the only one who frets about buying my fave read in irrational fear of going to the shop one day and its no longer in production?


Well I know there is a competition on and good luck to all.

I have to ask if new, writers fresh blood, as it were are allowed to join in?

Or is this an online deal;?

[Buttonman]

Old stagers or letters page vigins all have an equal shot, but as the prizes have to be claimed on this thread, the board regulars will have the advantage of knowing the contest exists.

[The Monarch]

A letter in 2000ad would be nice for me

[Buttonman]

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Nice to see you, to see you pleasant. The battle for the Letters crown has been truly engaged with several old stagers making their first appearances of the year, including the return of the prodigal sun-tanned cobber. There is also a bit of controversy close to home but letâ??s take things as they come.

We begin with a late Christmas Carroll from Mike from Winchcombe who celebrates his first publishing with a Letter of the Week crown. As has been discussed before, new writers have a better chance of securing the laurels and if they plead poverty too they are a shoo-in. Mikeâ??s letter is a jolly stroll down memory lane with a happy ending. Nice, undemanding stuff but letter of the week? Weak letter more like!

Next up is Stephen Watson of Paisley who writes a typically wry and downright mirthful few lines. As it has been  proven that by showing off your reading prowess it confers powers of cleverness we would suggest that the faux outrage of  the colonial letter rustlers owes a lot to  Jim Bowenâ??s â??Right Place, Right Timeâ?? (Amazon Sales rank 90,533) and to Derek Johnstoneâ??s â??Rangers: My Teamâ?? (Amazon Sales Rank 1,299,064).

Although side splittingly funny the letter does raise some cogent points, although by doing so the dozy writer immediately donates a single championship point to each of the three rival scribes he â??mentionsâ?? here. The pay off is tremendous and owes a lot to Vizâ??s â??Yankee Doodleâ??. Tharg answers with his typical dry wit but I think we can detect a hint of admiration in there somewhere. Also as a point of order we feel compelled to point out that letter counting IS a hobby, and a damn fine one at that. Watson chalks up his 49th appearance with this offering and has a 1000 Prog plus letter page footprint dating back to Prog 559.

After the Lord Mayorâ??s show itâ??s criminal descendant Floyd Kermode who makes his first appearance since Prog 1448 in 2005, when he achieved the last of his 6 star letters. Despite what that idiot Watson says Floyd wasnâ??t printed most in the 1990â??s which saw only 12 of his 77 see light. His best year was 2000 when he had an impressive 12. His first letter brightened the pages of Prog 1102 in 1998. He returns gently to the fold with an undemanding stroll through the Prog illustrated with a backdrop of Christmas excess. The payoff where heâ??s â??going to pretend I havenâ??t read itâ? is weaker than Tiny Timâ??s break dancing, but câ??mon itâ??s Christmas. No it isnâ??t - fail!

The man who takes the â??Superâ?? out of Weston Super Mare is up next in the form of old pal Alan Holloway. Like the inhabitants of his namesake prison Alan sucks big time with a disjointed effort that at first glance looks like a poem and then a lousy advertising slogan. What gives? Our collective lunch, thatâ??s what. If itâ??s a take on M&S weâ??re taking our back for a full refund! Alan is an old hand of course and notches up his 17th effort here. He now has 9 Prog letters to better his 8 in the Megazine. His last Prog score was in Prog 1479 in 2006 and a slow 2007 saw only one scribble in the Megazine numbered 263. His record dates back to 1994 when he popped his cherry in Megazine 74 (Vol 2.54).

And thereâ??s more. John Crickett of Essex is the last in line and finishes things off with one of those feigned outrage efforts that we all know and dislike. The pertinent point of the logo being obscured is lost in a morass of faked rage and bad grammar. This is Johnâ??s 4th letter, with his previous address being in Windsor - guess the Capri Ghia is more at home in Essex then! He kicked off his career in letters with the star letter of Prog 1132 and was last seen in Prog 1375 in 2004.

A great letters page with full replies from Tharg to each. A good mix of sucking up, funnies and questions meant that this inaugural 2000ad letters page of 2008 will be hard to beat.

Year to Date

Prog 1/3
Megazine 2/2
Total letters 15

Leader Matt Carroll 6pts
2nd Floyd Kermode 4 Points
Loads on 3 Points

[Buttonman]

Errata :Leader Matt Carroll 5pts

[Proudhuff]

What does Thargy think he's doing? Telling a soap-dodging Paisley buddy to get a job, or at least do something except useful?

On the other hand the editor of this fine thread puts in more effort than a pub-full of Hon-mans. Brings tears to a glass eye...

Huff, smarting from the KB fi Thargy again...  

[Cthulouis]

I have just sent in my first letter of the year!

But, upon re reading the point system, I am left in some confusion.

If you put a ro-jaws joke in a letter, how are you going to get the extra points? Surely you only get the higher points for having the letter published in the first place, making the ro-jaws points impossible to obtain. Shouldn't they be bonus points rather than normal points?

[Buttonman]

Never has so much been debated over something so trivial!

The Ro-Jaws joke award comes into play if a Ro-Jaws Laugh-In page appears and your joke is included as part of the feature. These have a lesser value than a joke that appears as part of a letter in the Nerve Centre mainly because there are mostly copied from old copies of 'Whoopee'. That one about 'Johnny Alphalfa' or Alpha likes 'Horsten Pils beer' are classics and, having appeared on the Nerve Centre page, deserve their full 3 points.

In all honesty if a Ro-Jaws page appears for the first time in 25 years I'll be surprised. The points system was intruduced to differentiate between 'proper' letters and those throwaway ones that appear by the dozen in the year end featrures such as in Prog 2008's 'favourite covers'.

[Cthulouis]

Ah, I believe my youth has led to this misunderstanding, having never before heard of this Laugh In thing. I thought I just had to write a joke about Ro-jaws


Wish I had realised that before I sent the letter off, now if it gets published I will just look like a crazy fool!

[TordelBack]

Wish I had realised that before I sent the letter off, now if it gets published I will just look like a crazy fool!

Oh please publish it Fargee-baby, please!

[Hoagy]

I wish Mike Caroll wouldn't pretend he's so young..

Sonic the Hedgehog had to have come much later than his 9's or 10's.

Try jet set Willy, or Donkey Kong, Mike!

It doesn't matter because the evolution of character design came along with 2000ad and Misty anyway and playing Sonic was like playing an extension of Beano inspired protagonists.

So, Mike may have well been inspired by artists of the Beano. No name-drops coming to mind, 'cept Rodger the Dodger's man is on the outskirts of my grasp...