Fundamentalists say the funniest things

[Steve Green]

I would like to think they're all piss-takes, but...

"The other day while installing some new fiber optics cables for a satellite array I overheard some coworkers talking about quarks. Quarks are supposedly tiny particles that nobody can see and nobody has any use for. So why do we know about them? What good does it possibly do us to know what a quark is? Just another example of useless science, and wasted money on the so called research needed for this great discovery.

I seriously have to wornder about people who spend their free time thinking about things like quarks or quasars. There are more important things to do.

As far as I am concerned if an answer to a question isn't in the bible, then the you have no business asking the question. A few years ago when my wife suddenly had to get an emergency c-section I was scared. But I didnt turn to any book about quarks. Luckily I had my palm pilot with me, which just happened to have the entire King James bible on it! I read a few passages that gave me the strength to pray for her and the baby to get through this ordeal. I sure didn't need any useless trivia books about quarks to find comfort in.

I have very little use for science. In fact it is in impediment to getting close to God.

[Someone points out the obvious fact that c-sections and computers are a benefit of science.]

You are confusing TECHNOLOGY with SCIENCE.

Technology and science are often lumped together, but are totally separate and unrelated things.

Technology makes peoples lives easier. Technology is the product of inventive geniuses who were inspired by God. Inventions and innovations improve life.

Science causes confustion and makes things complicated. Everytime there is a new discovery the old discoveries and old wisdom are discarded! And theories get more and more complex. Science makes people confused and complicates things. Who is the author of confusion? Satan of course. The bible it the opposite of science. Biblical wisdom NEVER CHANGES, and anyone can get it. Scientific wisdom is always changing and contradicting itself, and really nobody gets it.

Please don't insult our intelligence by lumping science and technology together. They are as different at night and day."

Link: http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx?archive=1" target="_blank">Jaw Dropping

[vzzbux]

Biblical wisdom never changes. 100 years ago there would never have been a female vicar, homosexuality wouldn't be tolerated. Hmmmmmmm.





V

[the shutdown man]

On a similar note, I found this on somethingawful.com's Weekend Web page a while back (where once a week they scout a random forum and pick out some of the best posts). It has such dandy opinions as rape victims being guilty of adultery by association, and of course, "...if evolution is real, then that would mean God is a liar. So if God were a liar, then there would be NOTHING."

And check out the posting rules, especially "this is not a debate site, you will not change our minds..... Those who debate are in the company of adulterers, sodomites and murderers." What the hell?

Link: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/weekend-web/superheroes-chrstian-teens.php?page=4" target="_blank">Teens-4-Christ

[Peter Wolf]

 I dont have misanthropic tendencies for nothing.


 Like i said the WBC are just the tip of the iceberg.


 

[Buttonman]

Those teens for Christ are amazing, I could read their blinkered guff all day. Check this guy's reasonable attitude - who knew that Dilbert was such a prick?!

http://s26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/?action=view¤t=fundie.jpg" target="_blank">http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c118/button71/fundie.jpg" border="0" alt="fundie">

[House of Usher]

'Im a Saved 1' sure is confident!

According to the rather old-fashioned doctrine of Calvinism, not only was salvation predestined from birth, it was also impossible for anyone to know their situation. They had to just be good and trust God's judgement, because their actions couldn't alter the outcome one bit.

By being really bad you could pretty much confirm you were among those going to Hell, but there was nothing you could actually do to earn your place in Heaven. You were either saved or you weren't.

[Steve Green]

"Protestitute"?

I keep imagining the person posting that being like John Doe at the end of Seven...

- Steve

[WoD]

I'm just kinda pissed they use Dilbert as an icon.

[WoD]

Well, apart from the crap they spout.

[Floyd-the-k]

girls, don't dress hotly near men with bent-up ties!

  How does he get the stuff about modesty from that particular verse?
  I say if you look upon a plate of bacon and eggs with lust  you have already committed breakfast with it in your heart

yours fundamentally,

Floyd

[Peter Wolf]

 These posts must be spoofs.

 They must be.


 If they are real then you could script spoofs with these posts.


 I have never come across ignorance and stupidity to this extent before anywhere.

"Please don't insult our intelligence.....etc..blah di blah... "



 If only there was any.

[the shutdown man]

They may be spoofs, but then they'd be a lot of people all engaged in spoofing on each other, so what would be the point? Granted, the snippets we're seeing on somethingawful could be fake, but I don't really want to go to teen-4-christ for real to find out. I don't want to see the real thing.

[House of Usher]

I followed the links and had a look at somethingawful.com, and was surprised to find this quote (from a moderator?):

"Being saved is the greatest thing that could happen to someone, but in the form of false worship (like the RCC, Mormons, Muslims, JW's, Protestants, etc.) are a blight on society. They give Christians a bad name with their false worship and poor testimonies."

Now that just confused me. I always thought Fundamentalist Christians were an off-shoot of the Protestant family tree*. I mean, I knew that the Fundamentalists definitely weren't Roman Catholics, and the idea that one has a personal and direct relationship with Jesus, without the need for intermediaries in the form of priests, seems like an article of Protestantism to me.

Could it possibly be the case that these Teens-4-Christ are followers of a Protestant Christian faith but just don't realise it because they're lacking any kind of historical awareness? Or have I just got it a bit wrong?





* The Fundamentals: A Testimony To The Truth were 94 essays written by 64 British and American conservative Protestant theologians between 1910 and 1915.

[Bico]

I find the idea of a fundamentalist lacking in awareness to be a bit of a stretch.

[SamuelAWilkinson]

Today's laugh-out-loud-at-your-desk award goes to Bico. Keep it up, Mr Sir.