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Messages - Malchidiel

#571
General / Re: Are you bored?...Then lets set...
14 December, 2002, 09:06:16 PM
I found another joke.

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch
watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by
carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy,
whatcha got there?"

The boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."

The old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

The boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."

The old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens
with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old
man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with
about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise
and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in
his hand.

The old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."

The old man says "What you gonna do with that?"

The boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."

The old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks
with duck tape!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the
old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll
of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying
what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

The old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy says "It's a pussy willow."

The old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat".

#572
General / Re: Are you bored?...Then lets set...
14 December, 2002, 05:11:08 AM
I can't think of a joke at the moment, so I'll just point out how canny my Penfold icon looks in his new Christmas hat.
#573
General / Re: Are you bored?...Then lets set...
08 December, 2002, 05:53:19 PM
This isn't directed at anyone in particular, honest. :)

Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!

Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.
 
Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
 
Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
 
Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
 
Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
 
Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!
 
Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
 
Yo mama head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillow.

Yo mama head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.
 
Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!

Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers licence!

Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a 1p.

Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.
 
Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
 
Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.
 
Yo mama hair so short she curls it with rice.
 
Yo mama lips so big, Vaseline had to invent a spray.
 
Yo mama hips are so big, people put their drinks on them.
 
Yo mama so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.

Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
 
Yo mama arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.
#574
General / Re: Are you bored?...Then lets set...
07 December, 2002, 05:42:59 PM
And apologies to Liverpudlians too:)

At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and
obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him.

After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear:
"Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar.

Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over
another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you?"

"I'm not sure" the big Scouser replies.
"Something about a job."
#575
General / Re: Are you bored?...Then lets set...
09 November, 2002, 06:03:44 AM
I have a new icon. It's canny isn't it.
#576
General / Re: Are you bored?...Then lets set...
08 November, 2002, 12:57:34 AM
I'm planning on doing this in a serial stylee...

Chapter 1 The message board thread  was becoming extremely long, in fact... YOUR MESSAGE HERE.

Get the picture, continue this sentence as you see fit. If we're lucky we might even get a "Future Shock" out of it.
#577
General / Re: Messageboards, are they the ne...
03 November, 2002, 02:53:43 AM
That'll have been the sound of a large hint dropping then would it?
#578
General / Best rookie bar none.
22 October, 2002, 09:18:24 AM
Seeing as how 2000ad seems to be going through a nostalgic phase at the moment, bringing back old characters and such, how about a comeback from Dekker, Dredd's fave rookie. Two unlikely but possible scenario's are as follows:

She was not blown up when the grenade went off, because the attacking zombies knocked her out of the blast radius and she fell into the undercity where for the past X amount of years she has been looked after by Prager.

An alternative universe Dekker was left in the Meg after Helter Skelter.

If you think this is a bad idea just remember how Wagner brought the Angel gang back, then you may reconsider. Anyway it's just an idea.
#579
General / Re: Animal Tragic
22 October, 2002, 09:21:29 AM
How about Red fleas and Sinister Duckster
#580
General / Re: Why is there crap in my prog?....
20 October, 2002, 08:04:24 PM
Serious discussion, this board...Hmm. I'd go for the fact that even mighty alien editor's feel under the weather sometimes.
#581
News / Re: 2000ad questions
20 October, 2002, 08:12:23 PM
If Tharg had changed the name to 3000ad there would have been all the fuss over what to call it in the year 4000 (George Orwell never had this trouble) Remember, don't give in to peer pressure, reading comics is not childish and Tharg is really real just like Santa. Welcome on board Earthlet, enjoy the ride.
#582
General / Re: Bring back Dr and Quinch!........
23 October, 2002, 07:07:18 AM
Like, totally.
#583
General / Re: To 2000AD, its editor, Rebelli...
05 October, 2002, 07:10:01 AM
Do you think there's any chance of Scojo getting his own strip in 2K now. He's been far more entertaining than "Dead meat" (appropriate title), yet in some ways just as sh*te. Missing you already Scoj:->.